I went through a period...
when sex had to be violent.
I was desperate to feel something real.
Nothing felt real.
Every kiss felt like half of what it should be.
You're just reaching for air.
We have to sing.
Help people by lifting their hearts.
It's not all real.
I thought you had to know the right people...
...get close to them.
The ones who could give you what you need...
...to get through the fence.
He flying!
He went away!
I wanted experience.
I told myself...
any experience is better than no experience.
I wanted to live...
...sing my song.
You going for a swim, Melissa?
This is the Doctor.
Have a party for him every year.
Celebrate.
To the Doctor.
Eternity.
Don't be shy.
It's okay. It's a special thing.
It's a special thing.
- It's a special thing. - Okay.
Do you like these people?
Why not? What have you got against them?
- I don't even know them. - Well, get to know them.
You had to pick one.
There's one girl in a...
What's your name?
Let's go from the top again, just 'cause I want your tongue
to be three times the size it should be.
Yes, sir.
His hands were in everything.
The money, the fame.
I thought he could help me...
if I paid my dues.
You probably have a boyfriend, huh?
He told me I was pretty.
What's his name?
Just tell me a complete lie.
You could... you could say anything you want to me.
That's the fun about me.
I lied to you.
And, people, you are the future!
You will decide what happens
to our world!
What happens to the birds of the air,
the fish in the sea,
the water that we drink.
You will decide what happens to our world.
You, people, you are the future!
And the future is now!
I think you should tell him...
about us.
We were together
before he even knew us.
Right.
- Are you looking? - Yes!
Oh, yeah!
That's old. That's been there.
Oh, I was there this summer.
What about a job? You working this year?
I have a few different jobs, you know?
You looking around?
- Yeah, I'm trying. - Yeah?
You worry about me, Daddy?
I just wanna know what you're doing.
Am I prying too much?
There is someone, but...
I'm not really sure what's gonna happen.
On! Okay.
But does he play out, like, make money playing and stuff?
He does?
So he's a working musician?
All right, well, that's good to hear.
You think I could meet him?
Maybe someday.
Do you trust this man?
You know, we never hear from you.
Your mom and I wanna come up and visit together sometime.
She really misses you.
We just want you to be happy.
Whatever you're doing.
I know.
Who am I?
I show apartments.
A dog walker.
I thought we could just roll and tumble.
Live from song to song.
Kiss to kiss.
What's that for?
"X" marks the spot.
I love your soul.
Go, "Ah."
Oh, no.
What's the matter?
Let me see.
Can you see my soul?
Is it still there?
What's so funny?
How well do you know this guy?
And how come he's letting you stay at his place?
You shouldn't trust him.
Why not?
I just think you should be careful.
Ladies and gentlemen...
He said, "Trust me."
- We should make a record together. - And I did.
I know you do the live music thing and everything else,
but don't you wanna make some money?
Whatever! wanted, he'd make it happen.
You've got talent.
You want one of those?
You wanna be me?
Where do you get a jacket like this?
Makes you walk different.
Get you a hundred jackets like that.
How long you lived here?
About two weeks.
I don't like it.
It's all for sale.
All of it...
honors, titles.
This, none of this exists.
What do you see?
Pool?
It's a stage show.
It's all just free fall.
You have too much pride.
I thought pride was a good thing.
People aren't proud enough.
Selfish!
Arrogant! Conceited!
If you know what's good for you,
you will stay as far away
from this man as you possibly can!
People changed around him.
They did things.
So did I.
He leaves us alone this way.
Because he wants to be free.
All his life, he's tried to get free.
He doesn't know how.
You aren't who you think you are.
He doesn't love you.
I like you this way.
I wanted to be free the way he was.
I went on seeing him.
I let myself be smashed.
You can't?
Well, why can't you?
Do you trust me to stick your finger in here?
He did everything.
He exhausted every poison.
He knew every form of love, suffering, madness.
He said I had an important lesson in life: Learn all the rules when you're young,
'cause that makes Mom and Dad happy.
And then throw the fucking lot of them out the window.
And they want you to! They want you to!
So that he could reach the unknown.
He experimented.
They scare you with names.
Like wickedness.
You liked it; that I did what I liked.
I pulled you down in the car.
You realize that, um...
you know, it's like the sea.
Things come in and out.
We feel happy and ecstatic.
And then, you know, hours later,
you know, we feel the deepest sorrows, or...
I didn't believe enough in love.
Afraid it would burn me up.
Be ready to suffer.
Don't be afraid.
I saw my husband.
I saw this boy across the room.
And I loved... I...
I just...
loved him the first moment I saw him.
And we had a life.
And it was beautiful, and it was difficult.
And I thought I would be with him for the rest of my life.
But he died.
I wanted to escape from every tie.
Every hold.
To have life at any price.
Not to settle.
To go up...
Higher...
free.
The birds said...
we'd love each other forever.
Love never fails.
Didn't seem like anything could break us apart.
Thought we'd build each other up...
...make music together.
- What do you mean? - Let's make a fucking record.
Huh?
How long have you known Faye?
She's a receptionist for me.
How long?
I guess she came to work for me...
when she was 17.
16, maybe.
Let's us decide what's right now.
Cheers.
- What do you think of this world? - It's its own.
- There's no possessions, right? - No.
You know I felt terrible about that.
Beer...
M'dear?
Why've you been a slut?
That was the first time in my life
that I knew.
Everything came from that hour.
I wish that it could last forever.
They have a beauty in their life...
that makes me ugly.
A joy...
Everything okay?
Yes.
Don't leave.
- Help me. Help me. - Let me put these down.
What can I get for you?
- I have a condition. - Yes?
Uh, I can't be left alone...
for more than five minutes.
Can I get you something else?
I'd like to hear you sing.
- Okay, I gotta... - Elephant...
- I gotta check another table. - Why? Why?
- 'Cause my boss is watching. - Which other table?
- You're gonna get me fired. - Yep, that's the plan.
You...
What do you like to do?
Well...
I was a teacher, but there's not many jobs around here.
- What do you teach? - Kindergarten.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
You like kids?
Yes, I do. It wouldn't be a very good job
- if I didn't like kids, would it? - No.
So you like physical things?
Yes.
I was shy.
This concert.
Who's on first?
This concert! It's insane.
No, I said, I do a better Mick Jagger than I do Iggy Pop.
"Okay! - Okay?
I misunderstood.
I don't know how I didn't hear you.
You don't listen to me.
I'll listen to everything.
The record companies would sort of...
They did... they believed in artistry...
It's something they put in a film to tweak the heartstrings
or to raise the adrenaline, you know.
Desperate to fuckin'...
drain the fuckin' chord and go, "Waah!"
And, "Fuck me!"
- "Gimme!" - Yeah.
You know, uh, "Love me."
You know, these things.
Lived very near Claridge's, and, uh...
- Nice. Swanky. - The latest.
I lived on Upper Brook Street, and I had...
After Dad left...
you thought you were a failure.
Mama...
you gave us so much.
Your hands are so beautiful. You should be wearing gloves.
I wanted you to have so much more.
I don't know where else we can go.
Remember, we have nothing.
Well, you need money for a lawyer.
The law's no help for people who are ruined.
You have everything.
Everything you want.
She likes the cheerleaders.
You do?
Were you ever a cheerleader?
Scare me. Come closer.
Marry me.
No.
You gave Mother a new house.
You said I could get out whenever! wanted,
keep all you'd given us.
You wanted me to be free.
Why do I owe you a Coke?
You said I couldn't climb the tree.
Don't have to. What're you gonna do?
You're all the way up there.
How strong do you think you are'?
One, two, three, go.
To the tree. Don't! You're running. You're running. You're running.
I went along like someone in a dream.
I knew I had to tell you.
Come clean.
I didn't know how.
I love you, I love you, I love you...
Say it like you mean it.
Say it like you mean...
Do you lie to me?
I know you always wanna know the truth, but...
but I don't.
Sometimes the truth isn't the right thing to say.
You can hurt someone more
by saying it.
- This looks like a birthday card. - Oh, isn't that pretty?
"The life you live again. Happy birthday."
Do you ever think about leaving here?
I don't know.
Are you a good liar?
Do you love me?
Why do you ask that?
I like to hear it.
You don't like to say it.
I love you.
I'm so scared sometimes.
We're Wanderers, you and I.
Like birds.
So you're saying you wanna produce it as well.
So I'm suddenly feeling a little bit out in the cold here.
- You know what I'm saying? - Well, you wanna help produce it?
I just feel like you're...
you're going ahead on this thing by yourself.
Well, just look at the facts. Take it out of your hands.
Why do you think it can't work as a country song?
- It can. - Maybe you...
As a... as a country...
Take your finger outta your ear. Put it back up your ass.
You think you're better than me, don't you?
You look down on me.
I gave you everything, man.
You sit on your high horse looking down on me.
Look at your fingernails, man. Where's the dirt?
You think you can get here without getting your hands dirty at least?
Look at my batting average.
Look at it. Look at yours.
Who's helping who here?
I wrote those songs.
I did the work.
How many people do you think in this city alone are writing songs?
Think your songs are that good?
Yeah, what is it, morals...
Taking credit for someone else's work.
I told you about that shit.
50-50. Equals.
Brothers.
- Get outta here. - Come on.
- You got a weird way of showing it. - Come on.
- What? - We partners? Are we brothers?
Why'd you put the copyrights to my songs
in your name and your name only?
Or did you think I didn't know about that?
No, maybe you thought, "This guy's so stup..."
Don't put your hands on... Don't put your hands on me.
Maybe you thought, "This guy's so stupid,
he doesn't want a lawyer,
he trusted me."
Should we make a scene?
I'll give you a record contract.
How's that make you feel?
That's what you want, right?
I love the pain.
It feels like life.
Sometimes I admire what a hypocrite I am.
Strange what you get used to.
You're skinny.
You ever think about coming home?
Okay.
Feel like I just got out.
Place felt like it was on fire.
Come and help put it out.
- I did my best. - Did you?
You sound like Dad.
It's hard at home with Mom.
'Cause...
you don't wanna be there.
I just feel like I keep...
sinking lower, and lower, and lower...
I think I'm just tired.
I wanted all that pain to be for something.
I'm okay.
Ma, you're healthy, right?
You're a stone cold fox.
Turn it into something.
You've got... you got... you got it in the bag.
I don't think that... I don't think that takes care of everything, darling.
Have you seen your father?
Have I seen him?
No.
I know, I gotta go.
I don't know.
I haven't done anything.
Does Dad even look at you?
He's so... strange.
We've... waited so long to be free of that man,
and now...
Do you think about forgiving him?
No, I don't.
- You pray for him? - No, I don't.
Not anymore.
- Why? - What's the point?
I met him on the street today, and he, um...
said that he wanted to sign me.
I didn't know what to tell him.
Why not? I mean, this is... that's a good...
That's a good opportunity for you.
I mean, you know how I feel about him, but that...
that shouldn't affect your...
that shouldn't affect you.
You gotta do it.
Why are you crying?
Because I'm happy.
Your old girlfriend...
she asked you to go off with her.
Why didn't you?
Was it for me?
Do you ever think of me when I'm not here?
- Sure. - Well, what do you think?
Why wake up next to someone you don't even know
if you don't even know yourself anymore?
What happens then? Do you think she'll be happy...
living with ghosts, sadder?
- It's more complicated than that. - No, it's not.
What's it feel like to be a girl?
Like I have special powers.
What don't I know?
How to feel.
How to be sick to your bones.
How to yearn.
Stay.
You're casting spells.
Does it work?
Yeah?
I don't even think you know you're doing it.
I may.
Just going around casting spells on people.
I think I might have misunderstood happiness, you know?
I dream about it and stuff, and...
I sing about it sometimes, but...
I don't...
No.
I mean, would you want more?
I could follow you around.
You'd give it all up?
I would.
If you'd ask me.
But you never do, you know?
I dream about being in love and...
being free and safe.
You know?
Can you have, uh... you think...
have it all?
That's one thing I know. You can't have it all.
You gonna miss me?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Are you gonna miss me?
Do you want me to stay?
I can't ask you that.
Well, then I gotta go.
Foolish me.
Devil.
I need to talk to you.
I know.
I love him.
Of course you do.
Say it again.
Say what again?
I don't wanna do this anymore.
I want out.
Then go.
I'm like mud.
I don't deserve you.
The shame of it.
Things changed.
You became suspicious.
Stupid girl.
How long have you known?
I don't know, um...
I was a receptionist there before I met you.
You know, I...
He's after you.
I dreamed of having him help me the same way he helped you.
You don't have to, uh...
you know, hide anything.
We don't have to have any secrets between us.
Why is he after you if he's not attracted to you?
Did you ever sleep with him?
Yes.
You did?
Once.
How come you never told me?
Tell me about the teacher.
Just tell me.
- Tell me what you did. - I don't remember.
Try and remember.
- I can't - Try and remember.
It was dark. I don't know.
He told us what to do.
Did you do it?
Yes.
You did what he told you to do?
I wanna live a good life.
Hmm? How many times?
We had...
a sort of a romance, I guess.
No, it was more than once. It was several times.
Why'd you just do that?
Do what?
Change your story.
I was trying it out to see how you'd do.
I'm a beast.
Still not unhappy about it.
I don't seem to bring people happiness anymore.
I wasted your love.
I was wrong.
Will you forgive me?
We broke up.
I tried to be kind.
It only made me colder.
What part of me do you want?
Take what you want from me.
Let me untie them.
Untie mine.
...in our state and even across our border.
We would express that generosity
not just in this moment or on this campus,
but as we have opportunity every day
throughout our community and our city,
around our state, even across our borders.
And we will be known as a generous people.
And we bless even as we have been blessed.
For we ask this in Your Son's name.
Amen.
Gives you life.
Eat it.
I've tasted it.
Tried it.
This is dipped in God.
They've never been where we've been.
Open your eyes.
Right here you know.
You won't die.
Here I reign.
King.
Who sees us?
The world wants to be deceived.
Think you'll be able to drive?
- Taking that as a no. - Our friend will pick us up.
All right. You need to move on.
We have a little fun right here.
Quite frankly, I don't know if you're gonna come back. Careful with that.
You know that river?
This is a ticket around the world.
Last call...
Now leaving on track twelve.
Board!
What are you afraid of?
- What do you wanna do?
Are you afraid of me?
I was once like you.
I didn't know what I know now.
To think what I once was...
what I am now.
- Is this your dog? - Yeah.
- Can I say hi? - Yeah, of course.
- Hi there. - Say hello.
What's your name?
Look at you.
...stuff like that.
You what? What?
- Like, house-sit. - House-sit?
Hi.
...very tired with the weather.
So I decided to move here.
I don't know if I would move here from Paris.
I wanted to experience it.
Just let me know when I can come over and take him out or...
- Anything. If you need me to feed him. - Tomorrow... if fine?
- Where are you from? - From here.
Yeah, it's like the, um...
the skin, I like this idea of, um...
you know, losing your... your-your skin.
- And, like, the phoenix. - Yeah.
You know, like...
- Starting over? - Start... starting over.
Dying and being reborn...
The light is so beautiful on your face.
You have one part of your face in the shadows
and one part in the light.
Are you scared?
You kissed me in public.
You held my hand.
Stay.
...volunteer their time to make it so.
The very traditions of the Bachelors of Austin
are the result of years of service
by dedicated individuals
and a solid and loyal membership.
This year, to help us usher in and host a great social season,
I would especially like to thank Layne Cricket
and his wife Susan for serving...
You get used to drifting.
Waiting.
They say follow the light.
So happy to meet you.
Where do you find it?
When you're young, it's not always easy to know what is the light.
- I don't understand either. - Except for you.
- It's different. - Sweet of you to say.
I hear you have songs on the radio and you're meant for better things.
It'd be awful to have these good times and not have life itself.
I wanna meet you before you move on
- and leave us behind. - No, thank you.
Uh, she was mixed up with a guy back East.
He was a very nice man, I understand.
Divorced, four kids, but...
I heard you just moved here.
Yeah, I've been back a couple of months.
Mind me asking why?
I was, uh, wondering.
I grew up there.
Oh, yeah?
No, I went... I went away to school.
Back East.
I think you've got a secret you're not telling me.
What is that?
It's a chicken.
Hold on, you gotta...
You're beautiful.
I hope I don't fall in love with you.
Nobody asked you to.
What's the matter?
I'm scared.
They play with sex.
They make it cheap.
Maybe you need this world.
The falsehood, the show.
Maybe what stirs your blood is having wild people around you.
You might have to be a sinner.
What if I don't become an artist?
Don't have one life.
Don't have the other.
Running around, trying to be somebody.
Snatching at life.
I got some uranium!
I bought it off my mom.
The music's all about feeling free.
So you don't have to do nothing to be free.
Why ain't I free? Answer me that.
I feel like we are so...
connected.
And it's...
I can't really understand, it's like...
I forget everything,
but seeing you again...
I never knew I had a soul.
The word embarrassed me.
I've always been afraid to be myself.
I thought there was no one there.
I don't believe anything
that you're saying.
Yes, you do.
You know, but even the... the sound of your voice and...
that upsets me.
I forget what I am.
Whose I am.
You're so far off.
I'll die if you don't come soon.
I don't like to see the birds in the sky,
because I miss you.
Because you saw them with me.
Come.
Save me from my bad heart.
Touch me.
Fallen so low.
I had to find my way out...
of you.
All right, our second course will be our salad course,
which will consist of a salad...
I revolted against goodness.
Thought it had deceived me.
Careful, Matthew.
Though I could do better than others.
Didn't need what made life sweet for them.
Look at me.
I'm sor...
I'm sorry that you're not as proud of me...
as you are...
with my sisters.
I'm not who I thought I was.
Am I a good person?
You made so many...
so many sacrifices for me.
So that I could have a chance to do the things that you couldn't do...
Even want to be?
...and I failed you.
Or just seem like one
so people will like me.
...my family.
Is now the time to tell you that?
I guess not.
- Is this a joke? - She's kidding, ma.
- Oh. - Oh, it was a joke.
Not very funny.
Cheers.
Excuse me for a second.
You're unhappy-
I can see it.
Sorry about that.
What'd you do?
She's the wrong person for you.
I'm sorry?
It's wrong.
Come on, honey. It's okay.
I don't understand it, but...
- Can I walk with you? - No.
I don't know how to change.
I want to.
How do you?
Will you take me somewhere?
How do you get better?
Gotta sacrifice something.
How do you know when you're lying to yourself?
When you give somebody your word...
does it mean anything?
You can just take it back.
I told her that I'm gonna do my best.
Do my best not to say things I don't mean.
The world built a fence around you.
How do you get through?
Connect?
There's something else.
Something that wants us to find it.
You're the part that I don't know...
that you don't know yourself.
I swear.
How long have you been doing this?
My dream was to be a teacher,
but this is kind of something I just...
I fell into after my fiancé passed.
In memory for him, but...
like, this is not something that people just choose to do,
so I'm trying... this is just a means to an end for me.
It was so much better when he was around.
But, you know...
God has a plan, and...
and I guess this is part of his plan.
You know, Shawn being gone and me being in this situation
where I have no choice but to do what I do, so...
Eventually, maybe he'll hear my prayers and I'll be able to...
you know, move forward and do something...
valued with my life.
Something my dad can be proud of, you know.
Make the money. Don't let the money make you.
Create the illusion,
but don't let yourself believe that illusion.
Only make him believe it.
Don't let yourself get caught up in it.
I sell a fantasy, not my body.
I sell an illusion.
I sell, you know...
a daydream to these guys.
And I try to keep the cookie jar closed.
Is that me?
The cookie jar closed.
You burn me.
Who are you?
I can't take this world straight.
Big candy store out there.
- I think I get a little insecure - What do you like to drink?
And... you know, I just... I look for comfort...
- in places I shouldn't. - You like to get high?
I don't know...
It's kind of...
I'm weird.
- I'm just... - What's your fantasy?
What turns you on?
I think just being wanted turns me on.
Tell me what scares you.
I'm really scared of spiders.
Um, but most things don't scare me.
I think I have a thick skin.
I think I'm pretty strong.
No, but what really scares you?
I don't know my family.
No one's ever been there for me but me.
You like those girls, don't you?
They know what you are.
When I was a girl,
I loved everyone.
You killed my love.
What did I say?
Do?
Mom, I'm afraid of myself.
A hatred in me.
Everything I could do to get free...
goes through my mind.
Makes me evil.
I used to think I could never be wicked.
Wicked before.
A long way out for me.
...so much to seek to be consoled
as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning...
- Bang. - Bang.
Bang, may the blessings of all those that you love
and those who love you...
Mama.
Where am I now?
Where are we?
I knew how destroyed... I was.
Forgive me.
In that time, did she have
any medical history or medication?
...about her mental health issues?
Had she ever had any ideations
or expressed any depression to you?
You got food all over you.
I just wanted to come...
come and sit next to you.
Things turned out a little different than we thought they would, didn't they?
They like carrots and apples.
Every now and then, I'll bring them one, but...
They're spoiled now.
These old guitars seem to have a song ready-made for you.
They always have old songs...
I can... I can go on for hours with one chord.
It's just one chord hammering.
Can you see?
Yeah, she has a face... a face like yours.
I do... I don't know... I didn't know why I was coming to this party.
Then I saw you, and I thought, "That's why."
You got a boyfriend?
No.
I don't think so. Did we meet before?
- Did we? - I've seen you before.
- Where? - Lots of times.
But I mean, I'm... I'm not doing anything wrong, am I?
- By talking to you? - No.
There's something on your face.
Did you get it?
Gotta come closer.
I got it.
Thank you.
Here we go.
- Okay, start from the beginning. - Okay.
Does it start right there, or does it have an intro?
Do you want it to...?
But slower.
It's a love story.
Excuse... excuse me.
Hey.
Hi.
Is this happening?
Who was that girl I saw you with at the hotel?
Just a girl.
A woman.
Why you smiling?
I don't know.
I don't have to tell you that kind of thing.
Oh, I didn't realize there was something not to tell.
She was your girlfriend?
What happened?
I went out with her,
and I never called her again.
Did you love her?
I didn't realize it at the time.
Don't smile.
Well...
- You ready? - Okay.
You gotta try harder than that.
I wish I could take back every wound.
Guess that blue bug is back.
Every doubt.
You found me.
You held out your hand.
I took sex.
A gift.
I played with it.
I played with the flame of life.
I was married in 1980,
and I've been a widow since...
1994, but...
I still wear my ring 'cause he's still my husband.
You know, we didn't get divorced, so...
This is... this is my wedding ring,
and this I bought for myself after he died.
It's what they gave runners who didn't win a marathon
but finished the race.
...be an artist. I never thought I would live long.
You know, I'd be an artist and die young of tuberculosis or something
like Charlotte Brontë, but, uh...
What bad thing did you do?
Just...
got involved with...
this man who I thought could help me and...
You made a mistake, you know? Do you look at it...
You'll do fine.
I love you.
Thank you.
Is that your fella?
Fight for him.
Really love him.
Don't let him get away.
"For Mercy has a human heart;
Pity, a human face;
And Love, the human form divine:
And Peace, the human dress.
Then every man, of every clime,
That prays in his distress,
Prays to the human form...
Love, Mercy, Pity, Peace.
And all must love the human form,
In heathen, Turk, or Jew..."
Want him on your shoulder?
It was like a new paradise.
Forgiveness.
Think I gotta go home.
Dad's sick.
Mom's gone crazy.
Brother's up to no good.
I won't stop loving you.
I don't think I can.
BV...
It's complicated.
There you are.
I gotta go back and start over.
Like a kid.
I didn't have the right heart in me.
You're the only one I love.
Even after all we've been through.
Mercy was a word.
I never thought I needed it.
Or not as much as other people do.
You asked me if I wanted to come out, too.
I've never been out West before.
I'll come find you.
Gonna have to pick your feet up.
If you don't, we will have somebody to replace you.
I'm-I'm just tired of this.
So let's get up there and lend a hand.
You wanna go back to a simple life.
I want the same.
Let nothing come between us.
Ever.
This.
Only this.
You should do it like this. The drums should...
If we just build up so the third...
The third verse is a build. Like, it's... It's on top.
...and then we stroke it back and then it dies.
That was cool, no? Should we... Can we just...
We should listen to it.
Come on, church!