Helga: When your father was a boy like you
and living with me here in Norway,
I told him about witches, too,
so that he would always be aware.
Now, the most important thing
you should know about real witches is this...
Now listen very carefully...
Real witches dress in ordinary clothes
and look very much like ordinary women.
They live in ordinary houses,
and they work in ordinary jobs.
Every country in the world has witches.
And there is a leader,
a high witch
of each country.
And the ruler of all the witches
is the most evil woman in creation...
The grand high witch...
Herself.
Witches spend their time
plotting to kill children,
stalking the wretched child
like a hunter stalks a bird in the forest.
Did they hunt you?
You said it was an accident.
A very unpleasant accident.
You know, when I was younger,
I traveled the world in search for the grand high witch,
but I never found her.
I don't really believe
that anyone has ever found her.
So if no one's seen the grand high witch,
how are you sure she exists?
Nobody's ever seen the devil,
but we know he exists, don't we?
Yeah.
For all you know,
a witch might be living next-door to you.
When I was little,
I lived beside a girl called Erica,
who was taken by a witch.
Erica had very strict parents.
But even that didn't save poor Erica,
because when a witch chooses a victim,
there is only one hope of escape...
Knowing everything about them
that I am telling you.
I'm warning you.
Erica. Come in.
What makes her dangerous
is the fact that she doesn't look dangerous.
You can never be sure
if it's a witch you are looking at
or a kind lady.
[Ribbet ribbet]
Ah, Erica.
How do you like my new painting?
It's magnifique, papa.
Go to Larsen's
and buy...
A liter of milk. Hmm?
Ja, papa.
Come straight home.
Ja, da.
Real witches hate children.
Real witches are quite bald,
although, of course, they wear wigs...
That itch...
And cause them scalp rash.
Do you know what scalp rash is?
No.
Itching under the wig.
It must drive them crazy.
They look quite hideous
behind their human face masks
and can only be distinguished from ordinary women
if you are sharp enough
to spot the purple tinge to their eyes.
Real witches have no toes.
Their feet have square ends,
revolting stumps where their toes should be,
so they never wear pointed or pretty shoes...
Just plain, sensible shoes.
Remember these things.
Perhaps if Erica had known them...
[Cat screeches]
Ha ha!
Helga: Oh, my poor Erica.
For weeks they searched,
but witches don't murder children
with knives or guns.
That's for people who get caught,
and witches never get caught.
They searched for miles around.
Everyone in the town searched,
but she had completely disappeared.
I was there in Erica's house six weeks later.
Good day, Frau Larsen.
Come in, Helga. Have some cake.
Helga: I was her best friend when it all happened.
Then that day,
while Erica's mother was pouring the coffee,
her father came walking towards us.
It was as though he had seen a ghost.
His face was all twisted up
as he walked towards the painting behind me.
There, as if it always had been there,
was Erica,
locked in the painting,
gazing at us.
Papa.
I don't believe it.
You saw her in the painting, grandma?
Many times.
But the peculiar thing
was that little Erica kept on changing her position
in the picture.
So one day she'd be feeding the ducks,
the next day she'd be inside the farmhouse,
looking out of a window.
Did you see her moving in the picture?
Nobody did.
She was always just a figure
motionless in the painting.
As the years went by,
Erica grew older, too.
And only five or six years ago,
the old woman that Erica had become,
bent and frail in the painting,
began to disappear...
Until one morning,
she was gone.
You mean she died?
Who knows?
Mysterious things go on in the world of witches.
Hey, it's almost 9:00.
Grandma's been tellin' me about witches, mom.
And frightening you before you're supposed to go to sleep.
Good night, darling.
Everything all right, mother?
Helga: Very all right.
Go off. Enjoy yourselves.
Good-bye, mom.
Here you go.
Good night, son.
Good night, dad.
No more stories, ok?
Oh, no.
Come on, grandma. Just one more story.
All right, then. One more.
But very short.
Witches...
Are very cruel.
And they have a highly-developed sense of smell.
A real witch could smell you across the street
on a pitch-black night.
She couldn't smell me. I just had a shower.
Oh, yes, she could.
The cleaner you are,
the more a witch can smell you.
That doesn't make sense.
Oh, yes, it does.
A dirty child, it's the dirt she smells.
A clean child, it is the child.
Wow.
I'll never have a shower again,
and I'll have you for an excuse.
Well, just not too often.
Only once a month is probably safe.
So a witch could smell me right now?
To me, you smell of raspberries and cream,
but to a witch,
you would smell absolutely disgusting.
What kind of disgusting?
Like dogs' droppings.
I don't believe it.
You don't believe it?
What's more, to a witch,
you would smell of fresh dogs' droppings.
That's not true.
There's no point in arguing.
It's a fact of life.
So if you ever see a woman in the street
holding her nose as she passes you,
she could easily be a witch.
And now it is definitely bedtime.
Good night, grandma.
Mmm...
Mmm! [Chuckles]
[Blowing a kiss]
Mom?
Dad?
Frau Evershim, could I come in for a minute?
I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Ja, come in.
Wait here.
[Sobbing]
Come on.
Come here to me.
Come on.
Let's cuddle up here.
Sit on my lap, all right?
There.
[Changing stations]
Shall we bring them to England?
Yeah.
Ja, we'll do that.
I think they're very good.
I really do.
Quite a talent there
which I didn't know anything about.
Thanks.
[Tuning through stations]
Helga: After the accident,
I didn't take Luke back to America right away.
We went to England, where I had a house,
and he started at the school
his mother and father had chosen for him before they...
Bald?
That's why they wear wigs.
...before they came to me on their vacation.
They itch and scratch a lot.
I saw a woman yesterday with purple eyes.
[bell rings]
[Sniffing]
Mmm.
Unh.
Hello, young man.
What a magnificent tree house.
Did you build it yourself?
My dad and I did.
I've got something for you here...
Something I think you'll like.
[Gasps] Jump down,
and I'll show you.
No! What?
No, thank you very much.
It's worth a lot of money.
This is private property.
There's nothing to be frightened of.
I just wanted to give you this.
[Gasp]
I found him on my walk.
He's quite harmless.
See?
Little boys love snakes.
Here, he's yours.
Grandma! Grandma!
I'll leave him here if you like.
Then you can come down on your own
and get him. Hmm?
But they wriggle away quite quickly,
unless you tell them not to.
Grandma!
Perhaps you'd like some chocolate instead?
Grandma!
She can't hear you.
What's your name?
Is it...
Luke?
[Gasps]
Thought so.
Here you are... Luke.
A big bar of chocolate.
If you c...
Helga: Luke.
Luke, it's dinnertime.
Luke!
Luke, dinnertime.
[Hissing]
Grandma, did you see her?
Yes.
I think she was a witch.
Gloves, purple eyes.
She wanted me to climb down from the tree, and
she hypnotized a snake she wanted to give me.
A real one?
A real snake, yes!
[Chuckles malevolently]
I swear.
Yes, Luke. I believe you.
Ha ha ha ha!
[Thunder]
Close your eyes. No cheating.
To your chair. There we are.
* happy birthday to you *
* happy birthday, dear Luke *
* happy birthday to you *
there.
Oh, grandma! They're great!
I'll build them a whole circus,
teach them tricks
and acrobatics and stuff.
It must be so neat being a mouse.
Just play all day
and eat, and then play some more.
I'm gonna rig up a whole room
with ramps and...
Grandma!
Your granny has a very mild case of diabetes.
It's nothing to worry about.
Have a good rest, now,
and in a couple of days, you'll be right as rain.
You're gonna be better.
Good.
I'm putting you on a sugar-free diet.
No cakes, candies, or sugar at all.
Those cigars won't do you any good.
See?
And there are some more pills to take.
With that and a good holiday by the seaside,
you'll be good as new.
Come on, young man.
Leave your granny to get some rest.
Perhaps you can bring her breakfast in bed in the morning.
By tomorrow afternoon, you can boss her around
like before.
Bye-bye, Mrs. Evershim.
Bye-bye.
See you in a couple of days.
Good-bye, doctor.
Can you find your way?
Yes.
How come doctors speak to everybody
like they're babies?
I know.
I'm sorry for spoiling your birthday for you
and for giving you a fright.
Is it all right
if I play with William and Mary now?
Yes, of course.
[Squeak squeak]
Listen, Mary mouse,
when grandma gets better, we're goin' with her
to a hotel by the ocean.
You've never been to the ocean.
I'll tell you, it's big.
Ha ha ha ha!
Wow! Look at the hotel, grandma.
It's not half bad.
Welcome, madam.
Thank you very much.
I think it'll be a nice day, yes?
Can you manage, Luke?
Yeah.
Yes.
Luke...
Come on. There we go.
Oh, welcome, miss Ernst.
Nicola Cole.
I've been so looking forward
to meeting you.
You look marvelous.
Wish I could say the same for you.
Ah, miss Ernst.
I am the owner of the hotel.
We're very happy to have you.
Delighted. Shall I sign or something?
No. Everything will be fine.
This is my secretary.
Oh, yes. How are you?
Ah, ladies.
Ina Clay Beckman.
Indeed.
Julia Whitman.
Julia, yes. Where are you from?
Dallinger.
Ah, yes.
Lois Leffour from Southampton.
Lois.
[Excitedly] Ohh! Ohh!
In there, I think.
That's where you must live.
Oh, um, the carpetbag on the bed, please.
I'll have a wash and brush-up
while you explore the place, Luke.
And then we shall have tea together,
and you'll show me around, yes?
Thank you.
Don't lock me out.
I promise I won't.
Hmph.
You look wonderful, miss Ernst.
Oh, we are looking forward to this afternoon!
Mmm.
Allez.
What are you doin'?
Oh! The raisins are all around
the edge of these cakes.
They're really good!
Thanks.
My name's Luke.
Bruno Jenkins.
The cucumber sandwiches are all right, too...
Except when they use margarine instead of butter.
How much pocket money do you get?
My dad's rich, but he's very tight.
We've got three cars.
Hello, boys.
I hope there's butter in the sandwiches today.
I really do hate margarine.
Ah, you've got those excellent cakes again.
There should be 14 of...
Aah! Aah!
Mr. stringer!
Oh! Oh!
Shh, shh. What happened?
I went in to turn down the bed,
and they were there.
What?
White and disgusting little...
Now, look. Calm down.
[Sobs]
[Knock on door]
Is this your room?
Yes.
Yes?
I see. I'm sorry, madam,
but I cannot permit mice in my hotel.
How dare you say that
when your rotten hotel is full of rats anyway?
Rats? There are no rats in this hotel.
I saw one this morning
running along the corridor into the kitchens.
Madam, you only arrived in the hotel
this afternoon.
Ahh, morning, afternoon.
I saw a rat in your hotel,
and if matters do not improve,
I'll shall have to report you
to the public health authorities.
Look...
Madam, I'm not prepared...
The cakes in the lounge
are nibbled around the edges, too.
I can show you.
Helga: If you are not careful, the health people
will order the whole hotel closed before everyone gets
typhoid fever.
You can't be serious, madam.
I have never been more serious in my life.
Now, will you or will you not let my grandchild
keep his hygienic and perfectly harmless pet mice?
Uh... Well...
Well, if they are kept in the cage
and only in this room,
nowhere else in the hotel...
Agreed.
Very well.
Grandma, I can't train my mice
if they're in a cage.
Nibbled cakes, indeed.
There were, only it was a boy called Bruno Jenkins.
I'm teaching William and Mary
how to be tightrope walkers.
Mm-hmm!
I brought some of the circus I'm building with me.
Good. Show me.
Let's see.
Look. I'm planning them a major house.
Rampways here. A bathtub.
This elevator's pretty neat.
You really did this yourself? It's good.
It's really good. I'm impressed.
Of course you must train your mice,
but you must not get caught,
and you must not do it in here,
'cause if that hysterical maid comes back...
Well, now it's teatime.
I just love English hotel teas.
Cream cakes and shortbread
and, uh...
No, grandma.
No cream cakes. No cream cakes.
No shortbread, either.
It's full of sugar. I shall end up eating
the same diet as your mice.
That's the trouble with this country.
A queue for everything.
They wouldn't think to have two tea trolleys.
That'd be too convenient for the paying guests.
They'll want two lumps of ice
in their whiskey next. Ha ha ha!
They'd queue for their own funerals if they could.
I know that woman from somewhere,
but I can't for the life of me remember where.
Her face is so familiar.
Which one?
My memory's going.
But it's as if I met her before.
She's probably on TV or something.
Mmm. Cucumber sandwiches.
Mmm...
Fish paste.
Luke: Grandma, you got the wrong one.
Oh, no. Sugar.
Grandma, sugar can kill you.
I know, but it was very little,
very little, my dear.
Something very odd is going on.
Are you listening to me? You'll have some fresh air
if I have to take you out by your ear.
We didn't come here for you to sit eating
and watching telly all day.
Look at the lovely sunshine.
All the other boys are out there playing in the water.
Pick up your knife.
Just like your father.
Good afternoon, madam.
Go on.
You're sure you're all right now?
Yes, yes. Fine, fine.
And what are you going to do now?
I'm going to take William and Mary
and explore this place.
All right. Just don't get into trouble, will you?
I won't.
Come on.
Excuse me, please.
All right, that's fine.
Carry on with the rest of them.
No, in the kitchen. In the kitchen.
[Door hinges squeak]
[Mouse squeaks]
Wait there.
Ohh...
[Squeak squeak squeak squeak]
Great. Now do it again.
[Squeak squeak squeak]
Come on, come on.
I'm sure your delegates will be comfortable in here.
If there's anything we can do,
obviously, please don't hesitate to...
Nicola, down in front!
To let me know.
Now, drinks will be served on the terrace after...
Fine, fine, fine.
You've concluded your meeting.
Um, skies are clearing...
Come on, ladies. Sit.
Sit down.
And we've prepared a fine meal for you tonight.
The chef's special soup...
[Indistinct chatter]
Hey! Look at her eyes.
Then lamb and fresh raspberries.
Well, I'll leave you to it.
Fine. Thank you.
Everybody sitting?
Up front, sit down!
Not... Yet!
We gotta get out of here.
Come along, ladies.
When you're ready, we can start.
Thank you very much for letting me stay.
That's all right, Elsie.
I'll lock up.
Oh. Right. Ok.
Ernst: Then we'll begin.
You may remove your shoes.
[Woman sighs with relief]
You may remove your wigs.
The doors. Are they locked and bolted?
Locked and bolted, your grandness.
Good.
Help me.
No, no!
Wow.
Witches of England...
You're a disgrace!
Miserable witches.
You're good-for-nothing worms!
Everywhere I look...
I see the repulsive sight
of hundreds...
Thousands...
Of revolting little children.
I ask you...
Why?
One child a week is no good to me!
We will do better.
We will do much better.
Huh. Better is no good, either!
I demand
maximum results.
So...
Here are my orders.
My orders are
that every child in England
shall be rubbed out.
Destroyed!
Every single child eliminated!
Ohhh!
Do I make myself clear?
Yes. Yes.
[Cough cough]
We can't possibly wipe out all of them.
Who spoke?
Who dares to argue with me?
It was you?
I didn't mean to argue, your grandness.
You dare to argue with me?
No. No, honestly. It just was a...
A stupid witch who answers back
must burn until her bones are black!
No! No!
A foolish witch without a brain...
Must sizzle into fiery flame!
A witch who dares to say I'm wrong...
Will not be with us very long!
Aah!
What the devil?!
I hope nobody else
is going to make me cross today.
No. No.
So...
Now, this is my plan.
Each of you
will go back to your homes
and resign from your jobs.
Give notice.
Retire.
Retire?
You will then buy
with the money I give you
sweet shops...
candy stores...
The very best
and most respectable sweet shops in England.
Ha ha ha ha!
Ah! Oh!
Upstairs I have a trunkload of this English money,
so you'll be able to offer
three, maybe four times what these shops are worth.
Go, go.
On a certain day,
when all our plans are prepared,
you'll announce a great gala opening
with free sweets, candies, and chocolates
for every child.
Poisoned sweets.
We'll wipe them out like weasels.
Who spoke?
She did!
It's brilliant.
Poison?
And you don't mind getting caught?
Exposed?
Vilified?
Well, I just thought...
Brainless bumpkin!
You blithering bogvumper!
No wonder England is swarming with...
[gulp]
Everything you sell that day
will have been treated
with my very latest
and very greatest magic formula.
* witches work only with magic *
[squeak squeak]
Hey, wait. Come here.
William. Mary.
Formula 86.
My greatest triumph.
A work of...
Genius.
Formula 86!
In this bottle,
500 doses
with a delay mechanism
that prevents it from working until two hours
after it has been taken.
Ha ha ha ha.
What does it do...
Genius one?
Yes? Yes?
What?
[Excited indistinct chatter]
One dose, and the time works to the second.
But more than five doses
breaks the delay barrier,
and the formula works instantly.
The child...
Starts to shrink.
Shrink? Shrink?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
The child...
Starts to...
Grow fur.
Fur? Fur?
Starts...
Growing a tail.
A tail?
All this happens in precisely 25 seconds!
Shrinking
more.
The child is no longer a child.
Heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
The child...
Is a mouse!
Ha ha ha ha!
Silence. Silence.
Shut up. Shut up.
Silence.
Enough.
This afternoon,
at precisely 4:15,
I put one dose of my formula
on a bar of chocolate.
I gave it to a repulsive, smelly boy
who was in the lobby.
[Excited giggling]
"Was that good?" I asked him.
[English accent] "Got any more?"
said the nauseating child.
"Six more bars like that one,"
I told him.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
In two minutes' time,
this appalling, foul-smelling creature
is coming to collect his reward.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
In five minutes' time,
you'll see my magic formula in action.
We're going to see.
Quickly!
Wigs! Gloves!
The appalling child will be here...
And you'll see my miracle.
Come on. Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Come on. That's good.
Hurry up, everybody.
Come on!
Quickly! Quickly!
You're not on holiday!
I'm being as quick as I can.
Hurry up!
Ready.
Hello, little boy.
Come on in, then.
Come on. Wait just there.
One moment.
[Locks door]
Now, what's your name, then?
Br... Bruno.
Ooh!
Madam.
Madam!
That lady promised me six whole bars
of cream-whip hazelnut milk chocolate.
I've come to collect.
Ladies...
may I introduce Bruno?
Come up, Bruno.
I have the chocolate here.
I said 6:15...
And that is in 15 seconds from now.
[Laughing with the witches]
You are in for a treat.
Ha ha ha! We all are!
What's going
on?
Just a few moments.
5...
I can't see any chocolates.
3...
2...
1...
0!
Ooh!
Uhh!
[Burp]
We have ignition!
Everybody, look! It's fantastic!
It's begun!
I can't stand it, it's so wonderful!
Look at you! It's fantastic!
Squeak squeak.
[Squeak squeak]
[Burp]
Where'd he go?
Bravo!
Keys.
Keys!
Enough!
Silence!
Before the banquet tonight,
you'll come to my room in groups of 10.
Room number 208.
I will give you each a bottle containing 500 doses.
Also plenty of money.
Do not forget your nose plugs for the dinner.
The dining room will be full of filthy children,
and without your nose plugs,
the stink will be unbearable.
Now we will have drinks on the terrace
with that ridiculous manager.
Are there any questions?
What if one of the chocolates we give away
were accidentally eaten by a grownup?
Ha ha.
Then that's just too bad for the grownup.
The meeting is over.
Until next year.
Wait!
[Sniff sniff]
I smell...
Dogs' droppings.
Ohh!
What?
She's right.
Oh! The smell!
Ooh! Yuck!
This really does smell.
She's right!
Search out this small lump of dung!
Find it!
It must be exterminated immediately!
There he is!
He's wiggling through!
He's getting away!
Come here, boy.
Bring him to me!
Aah!
There he is!
Stop him!
[Moaning]
I saw him come this way.
Yes. Where could he be?
[Gasps]
Bye-bye.
Ha ha ha ha!
Mother: Aah! Oh, no!
No! My baby!
Stop! Stop!
Oh! My baby!
A baby in a pram.
Oh, oh.
[Crying]
Lovely! Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, no.
Get the boy.
He's getting away.
[Breathing hard]
Grandma!
Grandma, wake up!
Oh, please, grandma!
My grandma!
An old adversary, I have discovered.
Very old.
If you hurt my grandma...
Silence!
We got him, madam.
We got him, madam. Oh!
Don't bite.
Open up.
500 doses. Ha ha ha ha!
Come along.
Come on.
Get up. Get up.
Come on. Come on.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Look.
This stinking little carbuncle
has had 500 doses.
We are having instantaneous action.
Ohh...
Bye.
[Laughter]
Kill him. Ha ha!
Kill him! Ha ha ha ha!
Kill him!
[Gasps]
Ha ha ha ha...
Leave that little stinkpot!
It's not worth bothering about.
Come. Some whiskey and champagne to celebrate.
Bruno?
I don't believe it. I can talk.
Bruno?
Bruno: Who's that?
Bruno, it's me... Luke.
I'm down here.
Where? I can't see you.
Down here.
You can talk, too.
This is weird.
This icing is terrific.
Are you ok?
They didn't give me
the six bars of chocolate they promised.
You couldn't eat six bars of candy now that you're a mouse.
Don't be stupid. I'm not a...
Now, just because you're a...
That doesn't mean that I'm a, uh...
Good lord.
Hmm. Hmm.
Well, I'm not too keen on being a mouse.
We've got to find a way out.
How long before we change back, do you think?
I don't think we will.
Of course we will.
We've gotta get upstairs and wake my grandma.
I'm real worried about her.
I mean, maybe it was the witch...
Or maybe it was her diabetes.
I only know she didn't wake up when I...
She's got some peanuts, too.
Mmm. Dry roasted?
Mm-hmm.
Oh. All right.
Come on.
[Gasps] William and Mary!
Hi. It's me... Luke.
Are you two all right?
Crikey! Did they eat the chocolates as well?
They were my pet mice.
But I guess they can't talk like we can.
Catch you two later.
[Squeak squeak]
Hmm.
Come on, Bruno.
This way.
Ohh.
Luke?
Hmm.
They're gone.
It's all clear, Bruno.
Come on.
Unmmh! Unh!
Wait for me.
Unh... Unh... Unh.
Running...
Running on a full stomach isn't good for you.
Better than being caught.
Keep up, Bruno.
Sports give me indigestion.
Umhh!
[Gasps] Get back.
Ok, Bruno, when I say go, go!
Go!
Run!
Wait.
Follow me.
Aah!
Uhh!
How are we gonna get upstairs?
I'm sorry.
I don't know what I'm paying for.
I really don't. An over-heated room...
Dad? Hey! There's my dad!
Shh! He doesn't know what's happened.
He'll kill you. Come on!
My own father?
Whoever took the photos in that brochure
should be arrested for fraud.
I'm going to tell him.
He'll put a stop to it.
No. Not now.
Trust me, Bruno, please.
He'll stamp on you the moment he sees you.
It's so nice not having the kids around.
Bruno: I smell food.
Is there anything in this bag?
They'll be fine.
I think John was getting a cold.
Look, it's always the same. You must
relax once in a while.
Oh, all right.
[Elevator bell rings]
This is it. Let's go.
Oh, no more sports.
Hurry!
Faster. Faster!
Ooh!
Ouch!
I forgot my tail.
Ooh. Ohh.
Keep to the side, Bruno.
You know,
being like this might not be so bad.
There won't be any more school from now on.
That would be all right.
Hey, look at that.
Don't eat the cheese, Bruno.
Remember, from now on, we've got two enemies...
Humans and cats.
Yikes! We've got three cats at home.
They'll have to go.
My mother loves them, but she's terrified of mice.
Grandma!
[Door opens]
Take your afternoon off tomorrow.
Oh. Sorry.
Come on, Bruno, let's go.
What? Hey, wait!
There are four more floors to be done.
Yes, sir.
You do over there.
No. I'll get this one.
Shh. Back.
Aah! Aah!
It bit me! It bit me!
What bit you?
A mouse in the towel.
A mouse?
Oh, no.
Is she sober?
Yes, of course she's sober.
I've been with her all aftern...
Uh, I... I... I, uh... I saw her...
Yes, she's sober. Don't be stupid.
Go and do the second floor.
Grandma!
Here by the phone.
It's me... Luke.
Are you all right?
Luke?
It's me, grandma.
Luke!
It was the grand high witch.
She's in this hotel!
Oh, my God!
Don't cry, grandma.
It's ok.
Things could have been worse.
I got away from 'em.
I'm still alive.
Oh, my darling Luke.
What have they done to you?
They turned me into a mouse.
Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.
I can't stop shaking.
The grand high witch... Here?
There's hundreds of them...
right here in this hotel.
I knew it.
I could see it in her eyes.
Oh, lord.
Uhh. Uhh.
You squashed me.
Huh?
Grandma, this is Bruno Jenkins.
He said you've got dry roast peanuts.
Yes. Oh, yes.
Oh, good. Thanks.
We've gotta stop them, grandma.
They leave tomorrow with a bundle of money
and gallons a formula
that'll change every kid in England
into a mouse. We must stop them.
Miss Ernst.
Lois.
Nice to see a bit of international clientele.
How do you do?
Just flew in, did you?
What?
Jet lag's the curse of the business classes.
Hope you don't mind me joining you.
You're most welcome, sir.
Herbert Jenkins.
I'd like to say hello
to a fellow philanthropist.
You collect stamps?
Charities.
This rspcc.
What is this rsp...
Cruelty to children!
Oh, of course.
You give money for the little...
Children.
And... We, of course,
we also give money for the little...
[Money dropping in bowl]
I see you're holding your annual meeting.
Funny enough,
I recently addressed the last annual meeting
of our rotary club. I wonder
if you know much about the rotary club
organization in this country?
Luke: I can get the formula into their food.
You just have to get me down to the grand high witch's room.
Grandma, I'm ready.
I don't know.
I've gotta find the formula, grandma.
No. This is too dangerous.
Grandma!
It's not far down, grandma.
You're asking me to lower you
into the jaws of death.
You two can't take on the grand high witch.
Yes, we can. We've got to.
No one else is going to believe us.
Quick, before she comes back.
Luke...
Luke, be careful.
Please be careful.
I'll be careful. Don't worry.
Not so fast.
Be careful.
I will, I will.
[Snarling] Oh, no.
Grandma!
Luke, what happened?
Are you all right?
Luke. Why don't you answer?
[Snarling]
Down, cat.
No, cat.
Grandma! Help!
Ohh...
Down, cat!
Oh, no. Go, cat.
Luke!
Grandma!
Get away. Help! Help!
Get him away, grandma!
Help, grandma!
Grandma, help!
Help me, grandma!
Puss!
Grandma, come on!
Do something, grandma!
Get it. Get it, cat.
Cat. Cat. Puss. Puss.
Come here. Get it.
Luke!
Keep him there, grandma.
Come on, you little kitten.
Come on, pussy.
Keep him busy.
Here. Take it.
Helga: Ah, come on. Come on.
Take it, you silly cat.
Don't let him in, grandma.
Puss. Puss, puss.
Here. Here.
Whoa!
Hang on, tail.
Whew.
Come on, formula. Where are you?
Come on, come on.
Oh, no.
Whoa!
[Gasps]
Oh, no.
It has been unforgettable, Mr. Jenkins.
My pleasure, madam.
What a stimulating conversation it has been.
It's not every day one meets a lady
of such quality and... And compassion.
Whoa!
[Telephone rings]
[Ring ring]
[Cat growls]
[Ring ring]
It's gotta be somewhere up here.
It's just gotta be.
[Ring ring]
[Cat screeches]
Whoa! Ohh!
Ow!
Oh, man.
Hey!
We've got it, grandma.
[Cat screeches]
Irvine: Did you realize that was Bruno's father?
Ernst: What a nasty man.
It's an act of mercy on my part.
Uh-oh.
The child will never grow up to be like the father.
Umhh! Thanks.
Liebchen?
Pshh! Pshh! Pshh! Pshh!
Liebchen?
Lipshin? Liebchen?
Lipshin?
Liebchen?
Liebchen.
Was ist das?
Oh. I... I'm so sorry. I... I dropped my knitting.
You!
I'm... I... I'm, uh, knitting something for my grandson.
You haven't seen him, by any chance?
No, no.
Come, liebchen.
I'm dreadfully sorry.
I do apologize.
That's quite all right.
If I see your grandson, I will...
I will turn him into a mouse.
And you, meddling old woman,
I will deal with later.
[Cat snarls]
Liebchen.
I do hope we're not the first.
Miss Ernst! Ahh!
Who is this?
You told them to come up after the drinks.
Oh. All right. Let them in.
Come in.
You were wonderful this afternoon.
[All talking at once]
[Snarls] Ohh!
You bad cat, liebchen.
You're early, in fact.
[Snarling]
[Gasps]
Man: So... When do you think they'd implement it?
Second man: First of the year, I suppose.
She's a very pleasant woman.
Yes. Now, the question is,
would she like to work with us?
Luke: Ow! Oh...
Whew!
Uhh!
Grandma, grandma! I've got it!
I've got the formula.
Oh, thank God.
Luke, darling, I was so worried.
There's 500 doses in this one little bottle.
It's enough to change all the witches
in this hotel.
Where's Bruno?
There's some jolly good grapes here.
What's happening?
Nothing until dinnertime.
Now, we've got to get you back to your parents.
What time is it?
7:00.
They'll be in the bar.
A Sherry and a large malt whiskey at 7:00 sharp.
It gives you an appetite.
Does it?
Come on.
Into my handbag, both of you.
This is going to be difficult.
Oh, I'm full.
Luke: After that, we've gotta get to the kitchen
as quick as we can.
Bruno: Ha ha ha. That tickles.
Is that them?
Luke: Yes. Listen, grandma.
Maybe we ought to...
Shh.
Wait! Listen...
Don't drown it.
Oh, sorry.
Now look what you've done!
She was drowning it.
Are you Mr. And Mrs. Jenkins?
Hole in one,
madam. What can we do for you?
I would like to have a word with you
about your son.
[Chuckles] Sit down, sit down.
Now, what's the little tyke been up to now?
Raiding the kitchen, I suppose.
If we could go somewhere more private...
Private?
Well, it is rather a...
Personal matter.
Look, Mrs. whatever your name is,
if Bruno has broken a window or smashed your spectacles,
I'll pay for it, but we're not budging out of this seat.
We always sit at this table.
Where is Bruno, anyway?
You tell him to come here and see me.
He is here already.
What?
In my handbag.
Your son has suffered a mishap.
He has been drastically altered.
Altered? What do you mean, altered?
I'm trying to tell you as gently as possible.
My grandson saw them doing it to him.
Saw who doing what?
Saw the witches turn him into a mouse.
Are you crackers?
Get the manager, dear.
Tell them to throw this old nutcase out of the hotel.
You need a funny farm, you do.
Tell them, Bruno.
Aah! A mouse!
Shh! Aaahh!
I can't stand them! Get it away!
It is Bruno. Tell them, Bruno.
Get out of here! How dare you!
Come on. Tell them, Bruno.
Aah!
It's me, mum. I...
Out! Out before I call the police,
you barmy old looney. Just go on! Push off!
Never come back, you stupid old witch!
I did my best, Bruno.
Don't worry, dear. Just go on.
Evening, madam.
I'm just popping in to turn down your bed.
How is the room service here?
Diabolical.
Good.
How do you know that woman upstairs?
Come along! Walk downstairs. The elevator is out of order.
Is it?
Must be.
It's a five-course meal.
Good. I'm rather hungry.
Mmm.
Oh...
Mmm.
I'd like to go home. That's what I'd like.
What are you doing here?
The banquet, miss Ernst.
No! You must go to your room and prepare for...
Hello!
For tomorrow's flight. Yes, have a good flight.
But it's our banquet.
You are not here to enjoy yourself!
You are here as my staff!
Go to your room now.
Ladies.
[Applause]
I quit!
[Indistinct chatter]
I can't go through with it.
We could run away, go home, yes?
Luke: Grandma, if we don't try,
every mother and father in England
will lose their kids.
I know.
We must do it, grandma.
8:03 now. 8:15 exactly.
I'll remember.
Luke, darling, I'm so terrified.
Grandma, now!
No, no, no, madame.
The dining room is down the corridor.
I am sorry, truly.
The guests are not permitted, madame.
I am sorry, but...
They want more bread rolls. They ready yet?
One moment.
Where are my peas? Where are my peas?
And how is the cress soup for the children's charity group?
The soup!
Very good, but no more salt.
No more?
Hmm!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ohh!
[Gasps]
They're everywhere!
Chef, table five says the veal's too tough.
I will take care of this personally.
[Flies buzz]
Chef!
The rspcc party all want soup.
That's 87 for watercress.
Debby, bring the soup tureens.
He'll adore it now.
The magic touch, n'est-Ce pas?
Whoa!
I'll just check the soup
before it's served.
Whoa. Whoa.
Ohh. Oh, God.
She's eating the soup.
I'll see you later, then.
We're short-staffed tonight.
I... I may be a little late.
I can wait.
What is it?
[Gasps]
[Squeaking]
Now!
Uhh!
Ow!
A mouse!
Aah!
It's a mouse!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Get him off! Get him off!
It's running around in me bloody underpants!
For goodness' sake, get out of the way.
Aah!
Get it out! Somebody, help me!
Take your trousers off, you idiot!
Take your pants off.
Oh, give me that.
Somebody get it out before he bites me!
Whew! I gotta get out of here.
Somebody, get it out! Ohh! Ohh, ohh, ohh!
I saw it.
See it?
I saw nothing.
There's nothing much in there.
A lot of fuss about nothing.
It's gone.
Uh... Ee... uhh!
[Squeaking]
Uhhh... Unh...
Ooh... Ooh... Uh... Eee! Eee!
Oy!
Yes?
What kind of soup is that?
That is the cress soup, sir.
Well, if they're all having cress soup,
I'll have a cress soup, thank you.
Yes, that soup is specially made for their party, sir.
The soup on the menu tonight is cock-a-leekie,
and very nice it is, too.
But I don't want cock-a-leekie.
I don't like cock-a-leekie.
I like cress. So just
take that back to the kitchen
and tell the chef de cuisine
that there's one more order for cress soup.
Now, there's a laddie.
[Whimpering]
What's that, eh?
[Whimpering and groaning]
Don't touch it! It's in the soup!
Don't touch the soup! Aah!
Child!
Good.
Come along.
[Sighs] Nearly 8:15.
Oh, I can't believe she's still here.
Dear me!
No, madam, please.
Please. Just a moment.
8:15. I made it!
One more...
One more cress soup, table nine.
[Luke panting]
Luke: Hi, Bruno.
Lovely, isn't it?
Red.
Yes. Red.
I didn't want to be one of them anyway.
I'll bring you your main course.
Well?
I put it in the soup.
The whole bottle?
Every drop.
You angel. [Gasps]
You're bleeding.
One of the cooks tried to cut off
my tail with a carving knife. Look!
The grand high witch is eating the soup!
They all are.
Would you like another roll, sir?
Oh. No, thanks.
I'd like some... Yes.
Well, I'd like some...
I'd like some black pepper, please.
Ohhh! My God!
Luke: What?
Bruno's father is about to eat the soup, too.
Stop him! Quick!
Oh, so that's it.
This is a nightmare.
At least we got some cress soup.
Don't touch it!
I told you she was a loony.
She's an absolute nutter!
Look at my bloody soup!
All that stuff about Bruno!
Bruno has been turned into...
He has not been turned into a m...
Yes, I have. Hello, dad.
Aaahhh!
Don't worry, dad. It isn't all bad...
Well, just so long as the cat doesn't get me.
Bruno.
No more school, no more homework.
I'll live in the kitchen cupboard.
No, no, no. This is... This is a trick.
It's the whiskey.
Hello, mum.
[Whimpers]
Would you like to know who did this to Bruno?
[Whimpers]
[Belches]
[Screaming and moaning]
It's working!
[All shrieking and yelling]
Let go of me!
My formula 86!
Give me that spoon!
[Squeaking]
That woman over there.
She is the grand high witch.
[Snarls]
Grandma, she needs more time to become a...
She did it to Bruno...
And thousands of other children before him.
Good evening.
You're... you're doomed, old woman!
You're doomed forever!
It must work, grandma.
Oh, you... aah!
Bruno!
No, Bruno.
[Belches]
[Moaning]
This is it, Bruno.
Rrahhr!
Come on!
Get the mice!
Rrahhr!
The most evil and appalling woman in the world.
A loathsome, hideous disgrace!
Yeah, grandma!
I'm not finished with you yet, old woman!
Next time!
No!
No next time.
This time it's your turn.
Herbert! Herbert, do something!
Hold still. It's in your foundation garment.
Good night.
Aah!
Get that brown one!
No, not that one. The other one, there!
Look, grandma, it's her.
Ohhh!
Revenge on you! Revenge!
Luke: Don't let her get away.
Get away from me!
Hey! Get me out of here! Help!
Get... get out of my hotel!
[Squeak]
Mr. stringer.
Yes, madam.
There's an especially infectious one
over there... Under the water jug.
Thank you, madam.
Oh, it's a pleasure.
Get away from me!
I tell you, get away from me!
Get me out of here!
Get away!
Get away from me, I say!
No!
Eek!
Ah... uhh!
My mum's not very crazy about mice.
So I see.
Here is Bruno.
Oh. Thank you.
He needs to go on a diet.
Hi, dad. Hi, mum.
[Sobbing] Will you stop it?
Stop it, dear. Stop it.
This is our Bruno.
Don't cry, mum.
You'll get used to me.
Just a minute, grandma.
Bye, Bruno.
Bye.
Excuse me.
Oh, mum.
You always wanted me to lose weight.
Well, look at me now.
There. But I still don't understand.
I won't be long.
Come on. This way.
Mice in the main dining room.
Come on, hurry up.
Your taxi, madam.
Good-bye. Thank you.
[Honk honk] Honk honk]
Let's get away!
Put it down, bill. That's it.
You all right?
Yeah.
Can you manage?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Look out. There's a step.
Mrs. Evershim?
Yes, it is.
There's a trunk for you.
A trunk?
Will you sign for it?
Yes, all right.
Come in.
[Train whistle blows]
Luke: Oh, great! Great! It's arrived!
Don't open it yet, grandma.
Wait for me.
Put it down there. That'll do fine.
All right.
Yeah, that's it.
Luke: Here I come.
Thank you.
Thank you, madam.
But I still have no idea who it could be from.
This is really gonna surprise ya.
Ok. Open it, grandma.
Yes, but what is it?
Open it.
Money!
Luke?
I saw it when I was in
the grand high witch's room.
I figured we could really use it
when we go to America.
America?
Yes. We've got to go home because... Look!
It was the grand high witch's.
It has the name and address of every witch in America.
Luke! You are a genius.
Aw... Ha ha ha!
Aw.
* it doesn't matter who you are and what you are *
* as long as somebody loves you *
oh, Luke, what a day.
Perhaps we could find a good witch
to turn you back into my grandson.
I'll never be able to drive a real car, will I, grandma?
Oh, I don't know.
How long do mice live, grandma?
I hope we have time to take on those American witches.
Can we go to New York?
I've never been to New York.
[Train whistle blows]
Can we travel there by ship?
First class.
The best cabin.
The best of everything.
Good night, grandma.
Good night, Luke.
I really am happy to be a mouse, you know.
I know, my darling.
Hee hee hee ha ha ha!
[Moaning]
Grandma!
Grandma, what's happening?
Luke!
Uhh!
Hee hee hee hee!
Luke!
[Gasps]
Hee hee!
Ohhh...
Oh! Ha ha!
Off you go, back home to Luke.
Look, grandma!
They're back!
Don't forget Bruno!