You got any room on that couch? You got a naked girl coming right at you.
Bring it on. Go on.
Come here, you little monkey. Will you please get her dressed?
Let's clean up before Bama gets here.
I don't want her telling me I'm a lousy housekeeper.
Oh, shoot. I gotta get ready. We're supposed to be at the bank.
Why do you have to go to the bank?
Because we need money for stuff, like your braces.
But I don't want braces. I want a video game player.
Charlie, your mama's gonna tell you something true.
No matter what you choose to do or be, life is easier if you're pretty.
It does a girl no good to be good at video games.
Knock, knock. Hey, y'all. Hi, Mama.
Hey, Bama. Hey, Bama.
It's hotter than a fur coat in Marfa out there.
Guess you're just gonna let them watch TV all day.
Oh, Mama, please don't start. I'm trying to get ready.
Hey, Mama, that laundry was folded. It will be when I get through.
Hi, Bama.
Jenna. One, two. Whoo!
I'm so glad to see you. Give Bama a great big kiss right there.
Look how big you're getting. How's it going, Cassie?
Well, I'm a two-pack-a-dayer trying to quit smoking, that's how it's going.
You know what gum with nicotine tastes like?
Gum with nicotine.
How's the knee?
Oh, doesn't work and keeps me up all night.
Sounds like my last two husbands. Heh.
What are you gonna do if the bank turns you down?
No idea.
Well, it ain't a sin to be poor, but it's damned inconvenient.
Well, what do y'all think?
You're either a magician or twins.
Mama, you look pretty. You sure do.
It's gonna be harder for the banker to turn you down in that outfit.
That's what I'm counting on. Like you said, 'Use it until you lose it.'
Heck, I've lost it and I'm still using it.
What smells like pumpkin pie? Oh, it's me.
These scientists did a test and figured out that the smell of pumpkin
brings blood How to a man's you-know-what faster than anything else.
Where'd you hear that? I read it in some woman's magazine.
August 2006 issue. Reese Witherspoon was on the cover.
Rex, come on, we gotta scoot.
Babies, be good to your Bama.
Bye, Mama. Bye, Mama.
Owl Dang it. I just broke my nail.
Sugar, no one's looking at your nails.
Been married to you nine years, I haven't gotten to your nails yet.
Come on.
Now, Sam, don't slouch like you do. Knockers up.
I am so nervous. Yeah, me too.
Let me unbutton these.
Just in case he's gay.
Well, I did say 'whatever it hikes.”
Oh, baby, how did we get ourselves into such an awful mess?
A lot of people asking those questions these days.
Samantha Horton.
Hell's bells, I do not need Carol Reed telling me how perfect her life is.
Hey, I dumped her for you. You got the big prize.
Don't tell her why we're here.
Hey, Carol. Hi. It's been forever.
Don't you look pretty.
I do believe you were wearing that same dress the last time I saw you.
Well, aren't you observant.
Jim and I were just here on business,
but tomorrow we're off to Hawaii and then we're going to New York
to do a little shopping.
We all got to stimulate the economy, right?
Bless your heart, always thinking of others.
Bye-bye.
Y'all travel safe. Will do.
Bye.
Mrs. Horton, Mr. Horton, please have a seat.
Thank you.
Well, we're here about, uh, this letter.
Well, I'd say it's a bit more than a letter.
This is a notice of intent to foreclose.
Yes, and we know we're seriously behind in our payments,
but the rates suddenly jumped so high-
As adjustable rates do.
Mr. Sweeny, it's like I was trying to tell you on the telephone,
my physical therapy job just got phased out
and Rex here, well, he hurt his knee so bad
that he had to quit his construction job and get surgery.
We're just trying to pay back the medical bills.
The heeling's been e whole let slower than I'd hoped.
I sympathize, but mortgage payments must be maintained-
It's not just about the mortgage. We're strapped.
Completely.
Getting dinner on the table, it's hard. We need more time.
But, Mrs. Horton, I can't really give you-
You can call me Sam.
Sam.
That's an interesting scent you're wearing.
You like it? Very much.
But, uh, there's nothing I can do.
With the current financial situation,
this bank must hike a zero-tolerance position on non-payment.
But what about the government hailing you out to help us out?
Where's the help?
All I can tell you
is that unless we receive payment on the 15th of this month,
foreclosure proceedings will begin.
And we'll lose our home. Yes.
That is what foreclosure means.
I'm sorry. No, you're not.
Not really.
Even though you're plenty at fault here too.
The day we met you,
you told us that a subprime ARM loan made good sense
and not to worry about rate adjustments
because we would be able to refinance before the loan resets.
Then you told us it would be 'advantageous
for us to enhance our income statement to help facilitate the approving process.”
Those were your words, exactly.
Now, I don't think any of us remembers exactly what was said.
She does.
You were wearing a black-and-gray coat,
with a taupe shirt and a cream tie.
It had a quarter-sized hot sauce shin on it.
You were worried because you were getting ready to take your photo ID.
There's the tie and there's the shin.
Now, what exactly don't I remember, exactly?
Like I said.
At least you got a month's extension. It's something.
Is it? What's gonna make it better next month?
Chocolate milk shakes and cheese fries.
That will make it better for about five minutes, but I'll take it.
Here's my application.
I know you guys aren't hiring, but if you could have the manager keep that on file?
Thanks. You're really desperate, huh?
I would join the Army if I could wear heels.
We'd hire you at the bar if we could. I know you would.
There's nothing promising for Rex Not a thing.
Nobody's even hiring.
If there were any construction jobs, they're not gonna go for a guy with a bum knee.
Gosh, this must be killing him. You know men and pride.
Men are complicated.
No, they're not. Men are easy.
”I'm thirsty,” ”I'm hungry,” ”I'm horny.” That's men.
Although not necessarily in that order.
You guys, I never thought I'd say anything quite as sappy
as 'it was not supposed to turn out this way,” but it wasn't.
When they were scouting Rex for UT, I already had the drapes picked out for the pool house.
You weren't crazy.
Handsome white running back is worth his weight in gold.
I just thought we were gonna be the next Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn.
Then he got knocked down. You got knocked up.
Yeah.
Hey, wait a minute. Here's something.
'Kind Touch Health Spa. Licensed massage therapists.”
I'm licensed.
I don't know how you do that, touching stranger's bodies.
It's just skin. It makes them feel better.
Doesn't say they're hiring, but it's worth a call.
It's all the way in Lareena. It's more than an hour's drive.
Well, there's nothing here.
You were smart to go and become a lawyer.
My mom said I was too pretty for law school.
My mama said I was too skinny to get a husband.
My mom said to always wear lipstick, even if you're just going to the market.
Well, to Texas moms.
Texas moms. Texas moms.
Your usual time, you little devil.
Okay, I've got to go now.
All right, bye-bye.
Hi, there. Can I help you? Hi.
My name's Samantha Horton, and I called about the massage therapy interview?
Oh, that's right.
Here's my resume. Hi.
Hi there. Well, I'm Jacie. Hello.
And this here is my partner, Doreen.
Good morning. Gosh, you are a pretty little thing.
Thank you. And I can spot a pageant smile.
What did you win? I was Miss Bixby Hills.
Runner-up, Miss Piedmont. I dropped my baton.
Well, I entered in Miss Texas,
but then I got pregnant and married. Now I got three kids.
I'm dying to have babies. You were smart to start young.
I'm trained in shiatsu, and deep tissue,
but I can pretty much do any kind of massage y'all want.
Well, look at you.
I'm a real fast learner, and I'm just desperate for a job.
Can you start tomorrow?
Really? That's it?
Pretty much, baby.
Thank you.
Who's starving? I could eat a buttered monkey.
Yay! Breakfast for supper.
Yeah, we're celebrating Mama's new job.
So now I can play Hag football?
Flag football is way down on the list of things we need to be paying for.
Please? Brady, it's like $100 just to register.
Then there's the team photo and equipment. And what if you break your glasses?
But- Conversation is over.
Hey, hon, I didn't hear your motorcycle.
That's because I sold it.
Rex, you loved that thing.
Yeah, I kind of like having electricity too.
Baby, I know that wasn't easy. Good riddance.
You know what doctors call them? Donor-cycles.
Are we rich now? No.
Hey, sweetheart, what's it like at that Kind Touch Health Spa?
What's it like? Oh, no, a bee.
Watch out, Brady, they can smell your fear.
Hey. Mama. It's all right, I got it.
You know what, it was real nice. Rich clients, big tips.
Yeah?
Maybe I should ditch my job at the salon
and come rub some backs with you.
Unless they're mole-y or hairy. Woman, you wax hoo-has.
Yeah, I remove the hair, but I don't mess with it.
What's hoo-has? Nothing.
Daddy, what is a hoo-ha?
Camptown ladies sing this song
Hoo-has, hoo-has
Camptown track is Eve miles long
Oh, hoo-he day
Hi. Here I am.
Oh, hey, honey. Welcome.
Why don't you come on back and meet the other girls, okay?
We got a bit of a lull right now,
but when that Cowboys-Redskins game is done, we are gonna be plenty busy.
Come on.
Okay.
All right.
Here we go.
Okay, ladies, say hi to Sam.
Hey, honey, welcome back. Hi.
Okay, now, just real quick, I started this business 15 years ago.
I wanted to be a novelist, and I still do,
but this pays the bills a whole lot better.
Doreen used to be a dancer.
Well, cruise ships mostly, but some dinner theatre.
Now, she's been partners with me for 10 years.
Isn't that right? Yeah.
Tanya's been with us for- Six.
Six, that's right, and she is also an amazing tattoo artist.
Oh, and this here is Emma, our barely-legal-looking newbie.
How long you been here, sweetie? Uh, two months today.
So nice.
Hey, hon, you got a client in 4, why don't you scoot on over.
All right. Okay.
And you're all licensed massage therapists?
Sure, yeah, we all have licenses, and we all give massage.
It's a teensy bit more than that. What do you mean?
Well, like my writing teacher always says:
'Why don't you show me, not tell me?'
Come on over here, I'll show you.
Let me just get these open here.
Hi, Richard.
This is one of those two-way jobs,
you know, like they have in all the cop shows.
How are you doing? Pretty good.
How are you? I'm great.
Oh, I love that SVU.
I think Mariska Hargihy, she's just darling.
And her mama is Jayne Mansfield, so you know those breasts are real.
Now, for safety, we always bring the first-time clients into this room.
It's above board, nobody does anything they're not comfortable with.
You understand?
Wow.
You understand?
Yeah, I guess.
Okay.
What am I gonna do now?
I guess that's why they didn't show me around the first day.
Wanted to ease me into it.
Guess I'll have to find something else, or maybe Rex will get a job
or maybe that lottery ticket I've got in my purse has three good numbers on it.
Hey, Dee, what's up?
It's Rex. You kind of need to come pick him up.
He's in no condition to drive.
You know how it gets in here when the Cowboys lose.
I'm on my way.
Dee, isn't it hard being on your feet in your condition?
I'm used to it.
Heck, four kids in five years, it feels weird when I'm not pregnant.
And it's good for business.
Behind the bar, the big boobs keep them here,
and at closing time she comes out and the belly sends them home.
Ha, ha, ha. Fair enough.
Stupid.
Where is he? He's cleaning up in the john.
We'll help him get into the truck. Yeah, he's gonna need it.
I can walk, man, I can walk. Dude, you can't walk.
Rex had a rough day, Sam.
And your mom took the kids, told him to come blow off some steam.
Yeah, well, good idea, Mom.
Thank you, Phil. Sure thing.
Take care of my boy.
So I heard you got a job.
That one in Lareena, right?
That's so awesome.
Yeah, I don't think that's gonna work out.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Sometimes I wish I could just start all over again.
Come on, this isn't you.
You're Samantha Dale Horton.
You're the prettiest girl this town has ever seen,
and you always get what you want.
Besides, I've spent too many years being jealous of you
to feel sorry for you now.
You'll figure this out.
I am so sure of it. I wish I was.
Hey, I love you. Love you.
You call me tomorrow. Okay.
Well, folks, if you moved to Texas...
Damn it, Rex, we're almost out of gas.
We're looking at temperatures in the 90s all week long,
possibly hitting triple digits by the weekend.
Dang gas guzzler.
You look good. Well, you sure don't.
What were you thinking?
Look, I spent all day standing outside of Kyle's Lumber Lot
with the other day laborers trying to pick up some odd job
that would pay enough for me to sign up my son for flag football.
Rex.
Hon, the whole day,
I'm watching people we know coming out of that store,
and I could see it on their faces.
'Look how far the football hero has fallen.”
I'm sorry.
I had a bad day too.
Stupid gas-guzzling piece of junk.
Declined.
Rex, where's your wallet?
It's, uh...
It's in my pocket.
A dollar?
Damn it, Rex, this is not what I signed up for.
This is America.
A girl this pretty, she's not supposed to be poor.
I'm sorry, I know that sounds all braggy and unfair and awful,
but you know what? It's true.
You know what? Dee was right.
She was right. I am Sam Horton.
I am Sam Horton, and I do not let life get me down.
I do what I have to do,
and I don't get defeated.
Rex.
Jacie?
Hi, it's Sam.
Sam Horton.
I'm so sorry that I walked out on y'all today.
I'll see you tomorrow.
A-V-O-I-D.
Avoid.
Vacuum.
V-A-C-U-U-M.
Vacuum.
Good. Now tableau. Tableau. T-A-
So now can I go out for Hag football? No.
It's not T-A? No, I was talking to Brady.
You want an apple or an orange? Orange.
Please? No.
B-L-E-A-U. Tableau.
Perfect.
You're gonna do fine. We're all gonna do fine.
Everything's gonna be fine.
There's nothing to be scared of, I mean it.
Sorry. It's Mama's first day at work, and I can't pick you up at school,
so to say I'm sorry, I put two desserts in both your lunches.
Wow, your new job's great.
Come on, scoot.
I'm sitting behind Mama. No, you aren't.
You went last time. Mama.
You know, and I pride myself on running a safe, clean business.
We provide a reliable service at reasonable rates.
We're like Dairy Queen, except not fattening.
We are open Saturday to Thursday, noon to midnight,
but this being Friday, payday, we start early
and stay till the last one leaves.
It's real important that I work only when my kids are at school.
Oh, that's fine. We do a huge lunch crowd.
All the outfits are in a room in the back,
but each of these rooms have everything you need.
There's condoms and oils and such.
Oh, and drinks and Viagra are on the house.
You give away Viagra? It pays for itself.
The little blue pill keeps us in the black.
We were worried when the economy tanked,
but turns out that this is the most recession-proof business there is.
And what about the police?
Oh, well, let's just say doughnuts ain't the only thing they're getting for free.
Alrighty, let's get you on in the back room,
because everybody's here on Friday.
Alrighty.
Now, for everyone's protection, none of us uses a real name.
Doreen is Sugar, Emma wants to be called Salome.
She won't do anything that's not mentioned in the Bible.
Lucky for us, that's not all limiting. Tanya is Margarita.
Unless the guy's into Asian chicks, then I'm Sake.
That's right, and I'm Big Mama. I do mostly fetish stuff.
I got me some kick-ass feet.
So you, I think,
we are gonna call you Brandy.
Because you look like you go down real smooth.
Brandy, okay.
Now, like you saw yesterday, we screen everybody upfront,
but if you got any problems at all, you holler. All right?
You know how to use a gun, baby? No.
I'll teach you.
Tanya used to be a bounty hunter. It's crazy.
Anyway, you got any questions? No, I just feel like I might be sick.
First time's the hardest.
It's like the first time you kill someone. It gels easier.
This was always easy for you, come on.
What can I say? I love sex.
I'm getting paid to do something I love.
That is such a blessing. Right?
You know, the work is what it is.
You got to get into your own headspace on that,
but at the end of the day...
Beats the hell out of waitressing.
Nine a.m. Well, it is Friday, that's for sure.
Okay, girls.
This will help some.
I'm still getting used to it.
You don't even look old enough to drink.
What brought you here?
I ran away from home to try out for American Idol,
but they said I wasn't ready yet.
So I'm saving money for a singing coach.
You can't get home?
My family's Pentecostal.
They're not real supportive of my Hollywood ambitions.
I kind of liked being all rebellious at first, but now,
I don't know.
The money's good,
but God's always watching, you know?
I really did not need that thought in my head right now.
Emma, honey, you're Room 1, and, Sam, you're in Room 4.
There's some pretty little outfits beck there for you, okay?
Oh, that feels really good, honey. Mm-mm-mm.
Well, thank you.
So where you from?
Am I supposed to answer that? No.
Sorry, I'm just kind of nervous. It's my first time.
Not massaging, but, you know... Really?
Yeah, me too. Oh.
Well, now, look at us, two peas in a pod.
So are you married? Yeah.
That's why I'm here.
What the hell? Well, that wasn't respectful.
This may be my first time,
but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit me.
A man is not supposed to put down his wife.
When was the last time you told her she was beautiful?
I don't know, but-
Men, they fall in love with their eyes,
but women, we fall in love with our ears.
Ah. You remember that I said that.
Oh.
Dang it. I am so sorry.
That's my phone. I forgot to turn it off.
Oh, it's my daughter's school, I need to hike this.
Hey. Hey, baby, what's up?
No, you didn't.
You won the whole spelling bee? Well, with what word?
Diphthong? Now, that's a hard word.
Do you know how to spell diphthong? What?
Okay, you know what, we're gonna celebrate tonight.
Mama loves you. Bye.
Can you believe that?
This isn't quite what I imagined.
You know, your kid calling, me hiking about my wife.
Maybe I should just- Okay, please.
Please, you can't go.
Look, I really need this job, and-
Can I just have a do-over? Huh?
I promise that you'll leave here satisfied.
Because when I do something, I do it right.
And you know what?
Maybe I can help you get a little bit more of what you need at home.
Now, when was the last time
that you bought something special for your wife?
I don't know. Uh- Uh-
On her birthday, I guess, but-
Okay, well, then, you need to get her something for no reason.
And I'm not talking about flowers.
I mean something real fancy, like an expensive watch.
I'm sorry, honey, this is not what I paid for.
Lookit, this isn't quite what I had in mind.
I know what you paid for.
You're a very pretty lady and all, but I just-
It's kind of not the right feeling I'm getting here somehow.
Okay, this is what you paid for.
You see all that money right there? That's just from one day.
I mean, I gotta worry about the kids, and the bills, and the house, right?
I mean, I'm only gonna do it until we get ahead.
I can do this. It's gonna be fine.
And it's gonna be fine.
Ugh...
Oh, my God, I'm gonna have to pull over.
Hey, Sam, what's up? I need some girlfriend talk, right now.
Well, stop looking so shocked.
I'm sorry, Sam, but this is my shocked face.
If you want me to look different, you might need to say something less shocking.
I was just hoping for a little sympathy.
Thought Pretty Women was your favorite movie.
Oh, God, I love that movie.
When is Julia Roberts gonna make another one that good?
Dee, focus. Sorry.
I just needed somebody to talk to.
I couldn't tell Laura, she'd have me arrested.
And, God, please don't tell Phil.
Of course I won't tell Phil.
What wife tells her husband that someone like you is available?
Oh, God, Sam, this is just-
I don't know.
Wow.
That's what I made today.
Holy sugar. I'm not proud of it.
You know, you work in a bar, you kind of stop judging people.
Just please be careful, and the sooner you stop, the better.
I will. Thank you.
So, what's it like?
Well, to be honest, the thing they want most is for you to lie to them.
They wanna know their guts are small and their johnsons are big,
even if the truth is sharing you right in the face.
Oh, my Lord.
Oh, God, please tell me I'm not crazy.
It sounds like men aren't the only ones who wanna be lied to.
You got that right.
You go home.
I gotta go tell my fat husband he's hot.
Hey, everybody, I'm home.
Hey, babe. Hey.
I made spaghetti. I can see that.
Sorry I'm running a little bit late, but I went shopping.
What did you get? Let me see.
For the spelling champ. Suzy Style Doll?
And for you.
Thank you. Thank you, Mommy.
And I think that's for you.
Does this mean I can play football? Yes, it does.
Yes! Hey.
Go out for a pass.
Can we afford this? We can now.
Oh...
I'll work with him.
Come here, buddy.
So, what exactly does an actuary do?
Um, it's a little hard to explain.
You're gonna be fine.
It's beautiful.
This is why you're my favorite customer.
I am?
This is why you're my favorite customer.
Really? Me?
Mm-hm.
He just gave it to me right out of the blue.
Well, whatever you two want, it's on me.
Thanks, Sam.
Little girls'. Be right back.
I know you're not supposed to say it, but I just love having money.
Loving it maybe just a little too much?
Dee, come on. You know I've always dreamt of not having to look at price tags.
And Rex doesn't suspect anything?
I mean, the watch, the earrings, the necklace?
What do you tell him? That they're all fake.
Come on. Men don't know from jewelry.
Well, that's the truth.
Know what's weird? Nobody even wants an explanation.
It's like I'm Santa Claus.
Just as long as I keep giving them presents,
they can see me searing through the sky with flying reindeer.
Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.
You awake?
Yeah.
I can't sleep.
Me too.
What's wrong?
It's just-
Look, I'm happy you're working,
and I'm trying to keep some perspective on this,
but it's killing me that you're the breadwinner and I'm not.
Baby.
No, I always said that I'd protect you,
that I would hike care of you.
You want a massage?
No. You've been doing that all day.
Not to anyone who looks like you.
Yeah.
Hey.
I'm sorry about what happened at the bar the other night. I mean it.
I love you.
I love you too, girl.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Jim. Sam.
What are you doing here? What are you doing here?
What do you think I'm doing here?
Well, this is embarrassing.
Well, I won't tell if you won't tell.
There's nothing to tell. Nothing happened. I know your wife.
So what? She's treats you like dirt. Don't you wanna stick it to her?
Not by you sticking it to me. Now, get on out of here.
Go. All right.
Hurry up, hurry up. Santa's been here.
Come on, Mama. Come on, Daddy.
Hurry up, you guys.
Wow. Santa brought all this?
This is way more than last Christmas.
And I thought y'all were spoiled before.
Slow down there, kids.
Remember, Christmas is more than just about presents.
Yeah, right. Happy birthday, Jesus.
Well, that must have been some Christmas bonus you got.
Not bad.
But don't you think you're working a little too hard?
I'm starting to see lines on that pretty face.
Mama. Don't frown, it makes it worse.
I'm just saying you look tired, is all.
Well, don't all parents look tired on Christmas morning?
Now, go look under that tree for a little box with your name on it.
Something very sparkly inside. Yes, ma'am.
Look at this.
Your present's outside.
Okay. What?
What are you doing? What is this? Open your eyes.
Surprise. No, you didn't.
I did.
Oh, Sam, I don't even know what to say.
I mean, thank you.
I got something for you,
but, wow, next to this...
Oh, what the heck.
Well, 'Rex Horton. Trainee.”
It's an exterminating company
and the money's not great,
but did you know there are more rats in east Texas than in New York City?
Sexy.
Don't even get me started on cockroaches.
It's real good. No, it's gross.
But it's a start.
Now stay tuned for your local news, weather and sports.
Here's Jimmy.
Well, folks, if you moved to Texas for the cool summon..
Ooh, there's a bunch of guys out there.
Who knew this business had a holiday rush?
A lot of lonely people this time of year.
No, it can't be.
It can't be. What?
What can't it be?
What is it?
It's the preacher from my church.
He's wearing the brown sweater the choir gave him for secret Santa.
I picked out that sweater.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Are you okay? I don't know.
Well, go on, then, get out of here. But where?
I can't go home, and Idol auditions aren't for another six months.
Baby, you can always go home.
As a parent, I always tell my kids- Will you pray with me?
I gotta get back inside, but you know what?
That Christian Fellowship Lodge, it's right over there.
Say one for me, would you?
Excuse me?
So sorry to interrupt,
but I think God wants me to tell you
what's going on at that health spa across the way.
All right, all right, all right.
Hey. Hey, I made it.
I made it.
There's 20 seconds left.
You missed Brady's touchdown. Brady?
Kid covering him got stung by a bee.
Well, I'm sorry. It was my job.
I have a job too, Sam. I'm here.
All right, good game. Hornets, come on, bring it in.
Bring it in. Sam.
You okay? Well, I just-
I can't believe I missed Brady's touchdown.
Well, I'd love to say there'll be many more,
but we both know I'd be lying.
Dee, I drove here so fast, I almost got a ticket.
I swear, I'm doing everything I can to keep it together, but it's too much.
So quit. I can't.
Money's too good. The house needs a new roof.
Rex is thinking about buying into that company he's been working for.
I'll quit.
I will. I've got to.
I'm just so tired of being tired all the time.
I scored a touchdown. I scored a touchdown.
Brady. Oh, you got a touchdown.
I'm not scared of bees anymore.
I scored a touchdown. I scored a touchdown.
Did you see me? I did see you, yeah.
I can't wait. I just can't wait for the finals.
I scored the winning touchdown.
Yeah.
Sam.
Sam, wake up, baby.
Sam.
Hm?
I guess I never heard the alarm.
I heard it way out in the garage.
Honey, this is nuts.
Last few weeks, you've been wearing yourself out.
You gotta cut back on the hours. I'm up.
Hey, have you seen Emma lately? I haven't seen her since Christmas.
No, and I miss that little buttercup, because it's so crazy around here.
I'll tell you what's crazy, me sitting here bored and horny
while Sam's got three rooms going.
Oh, well, don't go comparing yourself to others, Tanya.
We all got our own strengths.
Though I gotta say, Sam's been busy as popcorn.
Yeah.
Guys flying in from Germany en private jets.
Guys buying her jewelry.
And three, three proposals.
That's gotta be like some kind of record. Heh, heh.
I can't believe it's almost 4:00.
Dang it.
Y'all, why is this always empty?
Sam, you got a new guy in 2, and Number 4's still waiting.
Well, the last guy was in real estate, and he wouldn't stop crying.
I'm sorry. Two seconds, and I'll be right there.
Well, I'm sorry, but I gotta know.
What can she be doing that we're not?
I mean, there's only so many places to put things
and so many things to put in them.
Pecan sandies with crushed hazelnuts?
I can't believe you remembered. Of course I did.
Your Aunt Julie used to make them for you when you went to Alabama.
Amazing. My wife can't even remember how I like my eggs.
Scrambled. With hot sauce.
Now, did Ruth-Ann get that part?
What the what?
She wanted the princess role, but got the funny fairy godmother.
Well...
you just tell her that the funny parts are the ones everyone remembers.
Bingo.
Lay on down. Yes, ma'am.
Brandy, you could have been killed.
Yeah, well, I'm just having a hard time staying awake.
I can't have my favorite girl falling asleep at the wheel.
Is that what I think it is?
It'll keep you going. Works for me.
Well, no offense, but I've never even tried weed,
and I don't wanna do anything wrong or highly illegal.
More than I'm doing right now.
Well, it's there if you need it.
See you next week, Brandy.
Looking forward to it.
Wake up, Mama.
Mama.
Wake up.
Mama. Uh...
Hey. Mama's gonna turn in early.
Just brush your teeth and say your prayers, okay?
But you can't sleep.
Tomorrow's the bake sale, remember?
What? We're raising money for the fur.
For the fur? Yeah, it's a country that's in trouble.
Oh, you mean Darfur.
I guess.
The bake sale's a castle theme.
I come up with the idea.
Mama? Are you listening?
Yeah.
I'm up.
Okay, I can do this.
I'm a good mother.
This is what good mothers do.
All right.
'With the gray fondant make castle turrets.
With the green fondant, place pieces into the mountain
and with a piping-'
Wake up, Sam.
Oh, I'm tired.
Okay.
What does that say?
Well, what do y'all think?
Wow, Mama, it's perfect. Wow.
You must have been up all night. I was, but it's done.
And you can move the chocolate drawbridge and the moat is fudge.
Okay, y'all get ready.
Hey.
You're a great mom.
Bye.
Sam, honey, your next client's here.
He's got a flight to catch.
Hey, Sam, you okay? Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.
All right, doll.
It's really a show you won't wanna miss.
The most memorable women of the season dish dirt
and tell stories that we want to hear.
Sam, you look thin. Not again.
You've lost weight. Yeah? You've gained weight.
Samantha Dale Horton.
You can comment on my weight, but I can't comment on yours?
Because it's rude. Yup, it is.
Wait a minute, he's about to give her the flower.
I say he picks the one with the bigger chest.
You say that every year.
And I'm gonna keep saying it until I'm wrong.
Mama, are you gonna get more Coke?
What did you just say? I want one too.
I'll hike a beer. Can I please just go to the bathroom?
She okay, you think?
She gets that from my people.
The women got bladders the size of peas.
Hey, Brandy.
Hey, you gotta help me.
I'm out, and I'm desperate.
It's gonna hike me a few days.
My guy's out of town.
Okay, well, can't you just call him? Or someone else, please?
I'll make it worth your while.
Well, darling, now we're talking.
Yeah, I got it.
Sample, Waiting Room 1, got it.
But, Mama, I don't want to.
Well, you're gonna have to. That's how doctors look for stuff.
Like what?
I don't know, the kind of stuff they find in your pee.
But I don't have to go. You're gonna have to try.
I can't. Yes, you can.
I can't. I'll turn on the water.
That doesn't help. I can't. Try.
Stop saying it! Do you hear me? Stop it.
Stop saying it! Stop saying it! Stop saying it!
Okay, Mama, I'll do it. I'll try.
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Mama's just having a bad day, okay?
Go on out to the waiting room. I'm gonna be right there.
I'm sorry.
Not tonight.
I just can't.
You okay, Brandy?
The last few weeks, you seem kind of different.
Yeah, sure, baby, I'm fine.
You want anything special today or just the usual?
No, the usual's just fine, Brandy.
Hey, remember I was telling you that my in-laws are in town?
Yeah, Aline and Tim from Chattanooga.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, they get here and-
You mind if we just get this going?
A little less talking? I guess so.
I got a session in here.
Session's over, ma'am. Cuff them.
Well, her, anyway.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Police! Get down!
What the heck is going on here? Y'all have been fine with us for years.
Yeah, one of you's been real fine with us.
Listen, Jacie, we don't like this any better than you do.
Oh, is that right?
We got meth labs popping up all over town.
We wanna occupy ourselves with a couple of old boys getting happy endings?
It's hilarious, isn't it?
You call your sergeant right now, and you tell him to put a stop to this.
Yeah, and tell him Doreen says hi.
This is coming from way above him.
The media got here before we did.
We have orders to search the premises.
Search away, ain't gonna find nothing.
We got this.
Come on, now. Come on.
Carry that thing, son.
Don't go out of bounds, cut upfield.
You played with him at UT, right?
Yeah. He didn't used to be contact-shy.
We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news
of e police raid currently in progress in Lareena-
They better have just got Saddam Hussein.
They already got him, idiot. Well, then the other one, then.
As you can see, going on behind me right now
is a major bust of an alleged prostitution and drug ring.
Apparently, there has been e months-long surveillance probe
conducted by Mayor Summerlin.
All pert of her campaign promise to bring law and order to Lareena.
Summerlin is in a very tight re-election race
and no doubt she hopes an event like this
will help to put her over the edge.
Now we can see the police are starting to bring out some of the alleged johns.
The poor bastards.
Ho-ho-ho. What, do they charge by the pound?
You don't have to shake the sheets to find her.
The name of the establishment is the Kind Touch Health Spa,
but locals here say they've long known that...
Oh, my gosh.
Phil, turn that off now.
-becoming quite e show for the whole neighborhood.
We'll keep you updated.
Okay, now we're talking.
Shut up.
-along with the alleged prostitutes.
Of course, they will be held separately.
The big question tonight is-
Hey, Rex, she looks kind of like your wife, doesn't she?
I said, shut up.
We do hope to hear from the mayor end the police chief for more details.
They'll be holding a press conference
and of course wow bring that to you as .soon as it happens.
I knew it would end like this. Dee, please.
No, you bail someone out of jail, you get to talk.
At first, you did it to save your family, I get that, but then it was for you.
You threw your whole life away
for what's on your ears and around your neck.
You're home.
Oh, what did I do?
What am I supposed to say to him?
How am I gonna fix this?
I don't know.
Maybe some things can't be fixed.
Rex, I'm so sorry.
I know that I've really messed things up,
and I'll do just about anything to make it right.
So just look at me.
Talk to me.
Yell at me, swear at me, hit me, I don't care.
All night, I've been thinking about something.
That summer after graduation?
You and me going-
Going to the vet to put Barney down.
I loved that dog too.
And we get there,
and we're sitting in the parking lot holding that old dog between us,
petting him, him loving the attention...
and both of us knowing it's his last day of life.
And then you sang to him.
That Beatles song.
'In My Life.'
And then I-
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't go in.
And you took him,
and you carried him in...
and you held him...
till he died.
You did that for me.
And any time things got tough with us, I'd think of that day,
and I'd think of that girl.
And now when I think of you, it's gonna be this.
Winner of the 1999 Miss Bixby Beauty Pageant
is Samantha Dale.
Mama?
Thank you, Eric.
Hey, what are you doing up?
I heard the TV.
Well, I'm sorry I woke you. Come here.
You're watching your pageant video.
Yeah.
I like the part where you say what you'd tell the president to do
to fix the Middle East.
Did you ever tell the president?
No.
Oddly enough, he decided not to consult Miss Bixby Hills
about international relations.
Why are you watching this?
Just revisiting a time in my life
when I felt like I was doing everything right.
You look sad.
Do you want me to sing to you, like you do when I'm sad?
I think if you did that, I just might fall apart.
You're sweet, though.
Then should I go back to bed?
In a minute.
Do you think they're gonna let me wear makeup in jail?
I'll try to smuggle you some.
Thank you for helping me.
I'm your friend.
I haven't been a very good friend lately.
Well, friendship isn't quid pro quo.
Wow, you are a lawyer.
What's your mom say about all this?
"It's the reason you have more than one kid. So you can ditch the screw-ups.”
That sounds like your mom.
All right, let's get down to business.
It seems this whole thing was orchestrated by the mayor's re-election team.
They're trying to position her as the champion of traditional values.
How did she even find out about us?
Know someone by the name of Emma Hollings?
Oh, my God.
She went to some religious group.
Christian Fellowship Lodge. That's it.
She found a lot of old people with time on their hands and cell phones.
They bombarded the police with calls, they got nowhere.
Took it to city hall, where the mayor decided it was divine intervention.
I sent her there. This is all my fault.
They're looking to charge you with felony promotion of prostitution
and possession of cocaine.
You're looking at two years.
Oh, my God.
Are you still using?
No. Never again.
I feel like dog crap.
Well, you're gonna feel agitated, depressed.
I mean, the works for a few months,
and then, honestly, periodic cravings for the 10 next years.
Guess the first two years will be while I'm in jail.
Well, maybe not.
I think we can use this election to our advantage.
Don't they wanna look tough on crime?
But what they want more is publicity.
The more attention that Summerlin can get from this, the better for her.
The more we help her, the more likely she is to help us.
And the best way to get attention is if we have good names to give.
Did you have any clients
that were prominent members of the community?
Well, yeah, but I don't wanna hurt any of those guys.
Well, I can't worry about them, I'm representing you.
Besides, all the johns ever get is a slap on the wrist.
There's personal and professional embarrassment,
but they do more sleeping on the couch than jail time.
I just don't know.
Well, fine.
Go to jail. Don't see your kids for two years.
Okay, tell me what you need. That's better.
And what about the girls?
Is this gonna reduce their jail time? It might.
I know it's a cash business and your clients used a lot of fake names, but-
Not with me, they didn't.
I need some good names, Sam.
Truckers and frat boys ain't gonna do a thing for us.
We need our Eliot Spitzers and Tiger Woods.
What about a circuit court judge?
You're kidding me. Who?
Charlie Ocko.
Dark hair, 6'4', graduated cum laude from-
I know who he is.
I had a crush on him for years.
Well?
Let's just say sometimes small things come in big packages.
Let's just stick to what we can use in court, shall we?
This is great.
I need you to write down anyone else you can think of.
I'm gonna need a lot more paper.
What about the cuddle guy? Cuddle guy?
Davis P. Lowell.
Hedge fund manager, 44. Three kids, Karen, Kathy and Keily.
Lives right here in Lareena and likes to be held for hours.
Oh, that's kind of sweet. Wearing only a diaper?
Okay, that's less sweet.
I don't know how it is you do what you do.
Well...
Beats the hell out of waitressing.
Klaus Kransing, 52, oil company lobbyist.
He'd fly up every Thursday during his wife's book club.
When he'd get all hot and bothered, he'd speak to me in German.
Nothing sounds sexy in German.
He gave her a diamond watch. She earned it.
I pawned it for a down payment on Rex's Harley.
Things any better at home, darling? Still sleeping on the couch.
We're doing our best to hide it from the kids.
That's about to get a whole lot harder.
Arnie Vanderbaush, 46.
He's a defense contractor from El Paso.
And I think that's it.
What about Jim Reed?
What, Carol 'the bitch of Bixby Hills" husband, Jim Reed?
He came in, but I sent him home. He's been a regular for years.
As much as I'd like to stick it to Carol, please don't put him on the list.
Okay.
I mean, this is incredible.
If we play this right, we're looking at minimal time for all of you.
How many names we got?
Sixty-nine.
That's, uh- Appropriate?
That's the word. Look, I'm gonna get this formatted.
We are gonna walk it over to the mayor's office personally.
And her team has already tipped the press off. They know it's coming.
I always knew that Sam Horton was nothing but trash.
You know, I got a real common name, honey.
A lot of guys around here got my name.
Better hope none of them are on the list.
Good morning.
I heard my gynecologist was on the list.
I don't even know what to make of that.
Well, if my husband's on that list, I'm gonna lake all his stuff,
put it on his bass boat and set it on fire.
Screw that.
Set his stuff on fire, sure, but sell the bass boat, girl.
You can get good money for that thing.
Ooh-whee, you're right about that. Heh.
Don't this remind you about what happened in Odessa a few years ago?
Yeah. Heads up.
Poor thing.
Can you imagine?
Still showing up for work, bless her heart.
I heard there's a lot of big shots on that list.
Businessmen, doctors, lawyers.
Lawyers? Those gals must have been really hard up for cash.
Some things even a hooker shouldn't have to do.
But we don't wanna stay at Grandma Sarah's house.
She thinks apples are for dessert.
She makes us go outside and play.
Okay, kids, that's enough.
You say your goodbyes to your mama. We got a long ride ahead of us.
Why can't she come with us?
Your mama can't leave town right now. We've been all over this, son.
That's right. Listen to your daddy. Come here.
Come here. Ooh.
I want good reports, okay?
No matter what happens to me,
I want y'all to know that my life has been very full
because I've brought the three of you into the world.
Mama, are you gonna die?
No.
No, I'm gonna be fine.
Let's go now. You two head for the truck.
Help your sister into her car seat. I want Mommy to go.
Go on, baby.
I'm right behind y'all. Meet you at the car.
I'm gonna come out and say goodbye.
I always thought that was the saddest sound in the world.
The person's zipper on their suitcase when you're not going with them.
My daddy used to hike business trips, and I just hated that sound.
I think it's better for the kids to get away from all this talk.
Yeah, you're right.
Maybe when y'all come back, maybe we could-
Don't.
Well, maybe-
Maybe when all this is over, we could just think about moving
and starting over?
Rex, please look at me.
I can't look at you, Sam,
which is real tough,
because looking at you
used to be just about one of my favorite things to do.
Okay.
Bye, skunks.
I'm gonna call you like 100 times a day.
Bye, Mommy. Bye, Mommy.
Bye, Mama.
You hike care, Sam.
You're up early.
Couldn't sleep.
Thanks for staying with me, Mama.
No time to be alone.
I keep thinking I've hit bottom, then every day it just gets lower.
I been up all night, thinking I just-
Well, just realizing that I must have raised you all wrong.
See? New low.
I mean, I forgive you because you're my only child,
but how could you do what you did with those men?
For my family.
Well, it makes my skin crawl.
Thank God your father's dead.
Oh, can you not completely destroy me until I've had some coffee?
Do you want some? Sure.
You like it strong, right? So strong it'll walk right into my cup.
I think your problem is I gave you too much self-esteem.
What the hell?
It's true.
You were just so pretty and bright, I was sure you'd be Miss Texas
or go to Hollywood and marry somebody famous.
I wasted my life on your father.
I wanted better for you.
Your father went to a hooker once. Please do not tell me these things.
Ever since this happened, people think they can tell me anything.
The check-out girl at the Save-A-Lot told me she doesn't like to do it doggy style.
Want some biscuits or something? Sure.
Is it just disgusting?
I'm picturing disgusting.
Yeah.
Yeah, sometimes it's real disgusting.
Oh, honey.
But it's kind of like an actress playing a part.
All the attention I got back, that was something.
All those men, some rich, some powerful,
all treating me like I was the best thing in their lives.
I guess there's just a little part of me that needed that more than I should.
Anyway, now I just wish I could crawl up in a ball
and make it all go away.
You and me both.
I'd rather chew tin foil than face the ladies at the salon.
You think the paper's come yet?
I'll go check.
Sam! There she is.
Oh, my Lord.
We've all heard of the hooker with a heart of gold,
but what about one with total recall?
Former beauty queen Samantha Horton, 28,
of Bixby Hills, Texas, has remembered
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God.
-Lareena's Kind Touch Health Spa,
currently under indictment for prostitution and drug possession.
The names of 69 of her customers have hit the papers this morning
in what is already known as the List.
Why is this national news? It's about sex and not about them.
Tricia, beck to you.
Well, folks, the List has turned into the Line today,
as police round up the suspected johns
in the .story that'.s got the whole town and much of the country talking-
Now, behind me, you see the Lareena Men's Community Center
where the suspects are being processed.
That's because police headquarters
simply can't handle that kind of volume.
And, as with everything connected to this story,
Ah!
It brings out the crowds, the strong reactions
and people looking to make some money.
Over here, we have e group of local entrepreneurs selling some T-shirts.
Let's take a look at a couple of them.
This one has all 69 names on the back.
And there's another one over here that says 'My dad went to Lareena
and all I got was this lousy T-shirt and a new stepdad. '
Now, you'll also see plenty of women here
who are videotaping the proceedings.
You cover your face.
I'm Tricia Wong, reporting. Now back to you, Roger.
Will the defendants please rise for sentencing?
It is my understanding
that this sentencing is pursuant to a plea bargain.
And that you have waived time
and agreed that I can sentence you immediately.
Yes, Your Honor.
Sentence is as follows for each defendant:
Thirty days in the county jail, a fine of $2000
and a $100 penalty assessment.
You are to be remanded immediately to begin sentence.
This court is adjourned.
That's all they get for ruining our lives?
Well, you're still harlots, and you'll always be harlots.
The Lord has given us a warm day
on which I have decided to address a subject
that has made a great number of us hot under the collar,
a couple of whom, shockingly, are in the ministry.
Our community and our congregation
have experienced e greet dee! of pain
and betrayal in these pest few months,
and today I would like to talk about a concept
that many of us have been grappling with:
Forgiveness.
What is forgiveness?
Who deserves forgiveness?
Are some things unforgivable?
The Bible tells us that forgiveness is essential for life.
It frees us from pest wrongs and gives us hope for the future.
The problem is it's just too darn quiet in here.
It's not natural for a mother of three to be this quiet.
It's not good for someone to spend this much time alone.
I half wish a Jehovah's Witness would stop by.
I finally have a wish come true, and I wish that?
I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind.
Sweet Jesus.
This is not gonna be pretty. I think they're gonna beat the crap out of me.
Sam Horton, we know you're in there. We saw you in the window.
Well... Hey, y'all.
How can I help you?
We'd like to talk to you.
You look like you just came from church.
So I guess you don't have any concealed weapons.
Anything can be a weapon if you want it to be.
Come on in.
Okay.
Do y'all want some crackers or cookies or something?
Give it up, Sam.
We all know this isn't a social visit, so let's get to it.
Some of the women here have husbands who you, well, serviced.
And some have husbands who you didn't. But we're all here for the same reason.
Yes, I know why you're here.
If you could just hear me out first.
We were broke...
Hat broke.
And I don't know if any of y'all have ever been there,
but when it happens, and you realize there's a way to make it all go away,
well, it's amazing what you're capable of saying yes to.
And I know...
I mean, I really know that it is no excuse,
but, my whole life, I just always depended on my looks,
and I thought this was just gonna be another one of those times.
I really thought I was doing the best thing for my family.
But in the end, the very thing I was trying to save, I lost.
So really,
just about the worst thing that you could ever wish on me has happened.
And I'm just real sorry, from the bottom of my heart,
for the pain that I caused you.
Yeah, that was a real nice speech,
but, frankly, we don't give a damn about you.
We're not here to get an apology or to give forgiveness.
Okay, well, then, what are you-?
Why do they come to you?
What do you do that we don't?
How can we make them think about us the way they think about you?
That's why you're here?
Mm-hm.
Y'all want tips?
Yes.
Oh.
Oh, well.
All right, then let's talk about that.
For what it's worth, Carol,
when Jim came to see me, I sent him home.
You did?
That's in the past.
Right now, let's just focus on the present.
Okay, um...
You'll leave here today,
tonight, your husbands won't know what hit them.
My God, you showed them how to do that?
They wanted me to demonstrate everything.
I went through two bunches of bananas.
Ugh. My feet are killing me.
Then have a seat.
And happy birthday.
It's not till tomorrow, but you're off then, so here.
Tanya, thank you. Now, grab a fork.
I'm way ahead of you.
Make a wish.
When I was little, I used to wish
that everyone else's wishes would come true, including mine.
I thought it would give me brownie points for being unselfish.
Hm. It's Jenna's birthday too, right?
Yeah, her party's tomorrow.
It's gonna be the first time since me and Rex separated.
That'll be tough, huh?
Yeah, but he's doing good.
You know, his exterminating thing's going okay,
and he's finally getting over that I-can't-play-football anger.
Well, that's great. No, actually, it's terrible.
I mean, him going and getting all wonderful after he left me.
Heh. I know, right?
It's good.
We actually make great friends,
and he's being real supportive of me going back to school.
He's gonna come and see me get my six-month-clean pin next week.
Congratulations.
Well, I gotta get to class.
Five-dollar tip.
Not bad for a cup of coffee and a piece of pie.
Even though a year ago I was getting a $1000 tip and a marriage proposal.
Minimum wage plus 'keep the change'
doesn't have quite the same kick, does it?
Hey, do you remember how we used to say:
'This sure beats the hell out of waitressing'?
Yeah. Back then, we were just guessing.
He's gotta be one of mine. They're all biters.
Could you hold him? Oh, I'm not really good with- Okay.
Whoo!
Sam, I've been thinking.
You did an awful thing.
Oh, Mama, please, not on my birthday.
Let me finish.
You did an awful thing,
but I think maybe I need to accept some of the blame.
You're more than just pretty.
Are you trying to tell me I'm about to lose my looks?
No, you got a couple years left. Heh.
What I'm saying is you're also smart, capable and strong.
You screwed up.
But you cleaned up your mess and you moved on.
And I think maybe I should've encouraged you
to rely more on stuff like that,
stuff that lasts longer than beauty.
Thanks, Mama.
Still doesn't mean you can slouch.
Straighten up. Yes, ma'am.
I'll go tell them we're ready for the cake.
Mama. Hey, how did you do?
I won all this.
Go get some more. Go on.
Hey, Daddy. Hey, sugar.
So how's work?
You know, waitressing.
It is what it is.
School?
Hard.
Scary.
Exciting.
Well, you look good.
You look real good.
I'm glad you're looking at me again.
I can't believe our baby's 4 years old.
She sure was the best birthday present ever.
You know, it's good to share a birthday with your child.
It keeps the day from ever being able to get you down.
She loved that dollhouse you got her.
She wanted a pony.
What about you?
What do you want?
You know what I want.
I'm taking baby steps.
What do you think?
I think that's the second-best