Oliver?
I've been looking all over the hotel for you.
Good morning, Mr. Kelleher.
It hasn't been morning for over an hour.
Really?
Guess I must have stayed out a little later than I thought.
Look, it's not that I don't love standing here evaporating.
But we got a wine tasting to be at in 30 minutes.
Oh, come on! You already own more wine than you could drink in 10 lifetimes.
What is the point?
Owning a great bottle of wine is like owning a piece of history.
The way I see it, you can never own too much history.
I'll keep that in mind.
I thought 1964 was meant to be rather a good year.
This tastes a bit goaty.
I don't mean to interrupt.
But in '64, the harvest began the morning of September 17th
and shortly after those dreadful rains began.
So whoever picked early was unharmed.
If you are interested in '64 for tomorrow's auction, um,
I think you're better off with the Petrus or Latour.
Really, my dear?
I think you'll find my daughter is right, she usually is.
Thank you, Margaret.
Excuse me.
Yes.
You wouldn't have any Budweiser back there, would you?
Um...
This is a wine tasting.
- Morning, Richard. - Hi.
- Which one of those would you go for? - Um...
Well, they're both very nice, but that one's bloody brilliant.
I can't make up my mind between the Maggio and the...
Excuse me.
Those are two different wines.
They are both red.
Gum?
Juicy Fruit '74.
You find this all kind of amusing?
No, I find David Letterman amusing,
this falls more to the weird category.
Why are you here?
I got dragged here by Mr. T.T. Kelleher.
Looks like he doesn't like your wine too much.
Looks like nobody does.
You are quite sophisticated, aren't you?
Absolutely, sophistication is my strong suit.
Flirting with the customers, eh?
You won't understand this concept, but I'm working.
Mmm.
You're just like your mother. She was so, so American.
Can't believe Father ever married her.
You know, Richard, the only good thing
about being your half-sister
is that the other half isn't.
Do you know what gives me the most pleasure in this world?
Fat men in high heels?
No, it's knowing what a bitter and miserable old maid you're going to be.
Right.
- Goodbye. - Thank you so much for coming.
Goodbye. Thank you.
Margaret, Richard and I have work to do in the office,
you don't mind tidying up, do you?
Not at all.
There's a good girl.
I thought we did very well today, Father.
I rather think we did.
You should be able to accomplish the entire
swing through Belgium in less than a week.
Yeah, I don't see any problem.
Yes, Margaret.
I've, uh...
Everything's straightened up.
Thank you, dear.
Now, when you're finished in Belgium,
perhaps you'll go down to the...
What is it?
Father, please, when are you gonna send me on a trip?
When you are ready.
I've been here almost a year, I am ready. You know I am.
You catalog a wine cellar?
Get on your hands and knees and scrub one, more like...
I'm sorry, I'm afraid I must laugh.
You are a person of very little quality.
Why do you both bicker so much?
We bicker because we are jealous.
Richard is jealous of anyone who is better than he,
which includes every living creature.
I'm jealous because I really care about wine. I love it!
And you treat me like a servant,
while he gets every opportunity that comes along.
You are not ready to be sent out yet, Margaret.
When you are, naturally, being totally fair, I'll send you.
But you must remember you're still a child.
Father, I'm 28 years old.
This desk is 112 years old.
- We don't send it to catalog wines... - Now, that's quite enough of that!
Just be patient, your opportunity will come in due time.
All right, Richard, where were we?
So it's no then?
When you are ready, dear.
That's what I thought you'd say.
- This is my resignation. - Ooh.
That is good news.
When your mother left and insisted on bringing you up in America,
I allowed it.
It was a decision I always suspected would haunt me.
But this...
You stop it now or I should become, I promise you, very angry.
I don't enjoy threats a great deal.
Neither do I.
Good bye.
Damn. Truly, truly, damn!
Father, we should celebrate her going.
Celebrate?
She knows more about wine already than you'll ever learn.
And she willingly does the work of four.
But Harwood's has never been represented by a woman.
Yes. Well, perhaps that's something
we ought to think about changing.
Margaret, enough of this!
A lawyer friend of mine acts for an estate in Scotland, on the Isle of Skye.
His client and absentee landlord has recently died,
and this lawyer has asked me to dispose of the wine cellar.
Legal documents and other data are all in here.
Oh, thank you, Father.
I swear I won't disappoint you.
That's quite enough sentiment for one day, Margaret.
Come in.
These will have to do you, dear.
Oh, I'm sure they'll be fine, thank you.
And I serve my suppers at 6:00.
The truth is, if you miss one of my home-cooked meals,
you're probably better off.
On.
I'll keep that in mind.
I should be back if I don't have any trouble finding the MacPherson Castle.
The MacPherson Castle?
Yes, what about it?
Long ago, people used to say...
Oh.
Never mind.
Nothing.
Dear Luis.
I know, I know this may be hard for you to believe,
since I am at the moment torturing you.
But you truly are one of my favorite people.
So you must stop holding back from us.
I'm not. I'm not.
No, you've discovered the remainder of the formula.
Please, tell us where you've hidden it.
Then we can all go back to being friends again.
You must stop.
I have discovered nothing. I beg!
Philippe, is this really necessary?
Yes!
I know nothing. I know nothing.
No! No! Please!
I'm not an animal, Luis. I have no intention of blinding you.
Foreign legionnaires do this.
Your vision, I promise, will be as good as ever.
But every time you blink for the rest of your life,
there will be an endurable but rather sharp pain.
Philippe!
Not ideal timing.
I told you to rent a place where we wouldn't be disturbed.
One visitor in five months is not exactly a traffic jam.
I'll get rid of her.
I don't think you'll be needing this, Luis,
- nor this. - Ah!
Help! Help!
Madam has lost her way, is it?
I'm Margaret Harwood of Harwood's Limited,
here to evaluate the wine cellar.
Of course, the wine cellar.
Such a shame to have traveled so far for so little reason.
The master is napping.
The truth is, he is quite ill.
Good bye.
The truth is, he is quite dead.
Deceased is the key word.
I'm sure you'll agree.
Of course, that is the master's father.
But it's sad for us all, the master is ill himself of grief.
But I will call your firm when the mourning period is over.
Good bye.
But not farewell.
If you lock me out, I'll come back
with every policemen on the island.
I have a legal right to do my job, and I intend to do it.
Won't you come in?
I'll be up here if you need me.
Thank you.
Ugh, great.
Oh, great! Looks like a wine section from a 7-Eleven.
Oh, my God!
The year of the comet.
The year of the comet? Are you sure?
Father, please, please believe me!
There's no mistake, it's all true.
But, my dear, 1811, that was the most legendary year
in the history of wine.
And how large was the bottle again?
Bigger than any bottle I've ever seen.
Father, it was Napoleon's.
It had an engraved crest near the throat.
Oh, this is just the most exciting thing ever in my life.
And by the way, Richard, since I'm sure you're listening,
I know how happy you must be for me.
Couldn't be more thrilled, darling sister.
Father, how soon do you plan to auction it?
I'm not sure that's the way to go.
I don't understand.
I may just offer it out right to our American friend, Mr. T.T. Kelleher.
Why?
Well, he's our best customer, and he's particularly fond of Lafite.
No one ever paid more than $400,000 for a bottle.
I think if I phoned and he offered me, say a million,
I'd be tempted to let him have it.
$1 million?
Oh, and Margaret, congratulations!
You've done rather well on your first day out.
Oh, thank you, Father. Goodbye!
Do sit down, Richard. This is good for all of us.
No, no, you totally misread me, I am thrilled about Margaret.
Oh, we tease, you know, but...
It's all loving older brother to adored younger sister for fun.
No, I'm concerned by the Kelleher decision.
What could possibly concern you about $1 million for a bottle of wine?
Well, I think Nivanos might pay even more.
And since our job is to sell items to the highest bidder...
I know you like Nivanos, but I don't,
and furthermore, I don't trust him either.
But surely...
Surely the final decision is mine.
As it should be, Father dear.
This was not supposed to happen.
I was only trying to frighten him.
You make damn sure you stop the bleeding.
He lunged into my knife.
Luis, I'm so upset.
Not as upset as Luis, I think.
This is dreadful.
We are now a long way from research science.
I know.
Let him sleep.
I'm Oliver Plexico. I'm here for the booze.
Hi.
Oh, my God, it's you!
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Well, it's like I said, Margaret, it is Margaret, isn't it?
I'm here for this bug juice.
So if you just hand it over, I'll be gone before you know it.
How did you get in here?
The door was open, so I walked in.
Look, I'm here for Mr. T.T. Kelleher
who sent me for some bottle of rotgut.
Now, as soon as I have it, I'll say goodbye,
and you can get back to being the international sex symbol
we all know and love.
I hand over nothing until I check your credentials.
In the meantime, get out of my retainers. Room!
Get out!
Mr. Kelleher actually went for the million.
Oh, he more than went for it, he was thrilled.
But he wants to verify the bottle's authenticity himself.
Once he's satisfied, he'll wire the money.
So then this arrogant ass he sent is a legitimate arrogant ass?
Best to Richard. Bye-bye!
So what is it that you do for Mr. Kelleher
that is above and beyond bottle retrieval?
- Whatever is necessary. - Wow.
Living, breathing troubleshooter.
I don't mean to pry,
but didn't that occupation go out with Errol Flynn?
Still a couple of us arrogant asses around,
trying to keep the traditions alive.
And how did you get up here so quickly, Mr. Plexico?
I was in Glasgow on business when he phoned me, so I flew a chopper up.
Very troubleshootery.
Are you married?
No. Why?
Just if you were the poor bastard,
must be about two foot six from all the hammering he takes.
Jamie!
Jamie! It's time.
Now, when you get the bottle, what are you going to do?
I'll take it to the lake.
I row to Grandfather's cabin, and I wait for you.
Perfect.
Ma!
May I kill them?
Oh...
What's a mother to do?
Only if you have to.
If that bottle's broken, I'll just die.
Oh, thank God.
Jesus, it's a hell of a big bottle.
Hello.
They are in the living room.
I told them the inspector would be here momentarily.
Philippe, we should have never let them in with Luis missing.
How wise you are now, John.
I didn't want a confrontation,
especially since what they came for was one bottle of wine.
In, out and gone.
I'll second-guess you next time.
Ian, come on, they are waiting for you.
Look, I'll make a fool of myself.
I have the least notion of how to be a police inspector.
And they don't know how Scottish inspectors behave either.
Just question them quickly and don't arouse suspicion.
Scottish?
Yes!
Come on.
Well, now, let me get this clear.
You found him after you opened the box or before?
After.
I see.
Well, thank you for your help, it was indispensable.
That's it?
Don't you wanna ask me any more questions?
Aye, of course.
But it's a wee bit complicated.
It's hard at the moment to know what to ask.
But all I said was that I thought the blood might be wine.
You did and I consider that to be a most intriguing clue.
Some water, if you please.
Can't we just get rid of them now?
Not till you've questioned them both.
So, Mr. Plexico.
Perhaps you can shed some further light on this.
Tell me everything that happened from
your viewpoint, from beginning to end.
- We found this stiff. - Excellent.
Well, I think that's more than satisfactory.
I have your addresses. Goodbye and bless you both.
- Inspector. - Aye?
If I ever return to a life of crime,
I'm heading straight back here.
I'd love to help you with that,
but I'm not supposed to lift anything.
Lower back.
Oh, great, I got Errol Flynn with a slipped disk.
Actually, it's more of a spasm thing.
Please, let me help you.
Thank you.
Thank God that's over.
It hasn't begun!
- We need that box. Get the car. - Why?
Before he died, I think Luis scrolled
the rest of the formula on the outside.
Mr. Plexico.
Within earshot, Miss Harwood.
On behalf of Harwood's,
I sincerely hope Mr. Kelleher will be pleased
with this very rare and extraordinary acquisition.
I enjoyed spending time with you too, Maggie.
Oliver.
Yes, Maggie.
Oh!
Who are you? What do you want?
What are you doing?
Ah!
The shitty part about being a troubleshooter.
He missed.
No. He just missed us.
Oh, no.
- You okay? - Medium.
Good. Let's go before he gets too far.
Oh, no. Not me, not in that thing.
Hey, look. You said this wine is important to you.
Well, I don't want to lose it either.
So you can either come with me or not, but you got to decide now.
Recognize the fellow?
I do, yes.
The lad's a menace. I'm surprised they let him out of jail again.
He lives with his mother at the little inn we passed.
Could he have planned this himself?
That's doubtful, no. He's not noted for his planning ability.
Shouldn't we go after him?
I think instead we might pay a little visit to the mother,
and see if we can convince her to tell us where he is going.
See, I find knowing the destination
takes so much of the guesswork out of pursuit.
Are you a good pilot?
My instructor thinks I'm very promising.
Great.
What's wrong?
Which one is he?
There's nothing we can do but buzz them until we spot him.
That's not our guy.
That's not him either.
That could be him.
And he's trapped.
- He is? - He isn't?
Well, not unless he gets out of the car and surrenders.
Truth is, all we can do is follow him.
Follow him?
I would have thought a genuine troubleshooter
would have come up with something a little better than that.
What do you want me to do? Fly above his roof and hover him to death?
Shit! Must have hit the fuel tank.
- Maggie? - What, what is it?
You ought to know something.
The first time I laid eyes on you back at that wine tasting,
I wanted to sleep with you.
I'm sure you had similar feelings.
Are you kidding?
Me sleep with you?
You're not even in the ballpark.
I need a kind man, a tender man.
A man whose very being is brimming over with sensitivity.
A man who knows how to be a friend as well as a lover.
A man who's not afraid to show me his vulnerability.
Oh, my God.
- Are we gonna die? - I think, maybe.
All right, I wanted you too.
Hold the good thought.
Ah!
No. Who bloody made all the fucking mess?
Hey!
Your bloody contraption's just battered my house
and scared the shit out of my ewes.
What did he say?
Your flying machine has broken his house and frightened his sheep.
Oh, you dumb bastard.
You dumb bastard.
Yeah, yeah, I got that part.
Look.
We are chasing a thief.
We need a car.
Can you help us?
Aye, well.
You have the look of good, honest people.
Good, honest, rich people.
You think there's any chance of finding him?
Finding him is not our problem.
I've checked the map, this is the only road for 50 miles.
Catching him, on the other hand, could be a little tougher.
That's his car.
Oh, and we've lost him.
Wrong. We've found him.
Look. There's our boy.
Try and keep up.
Untie it.
Shh.
The fog is as thick as pea soup.
I've always wanted to say that.
Maggie, look out!
Oh!
Not the wine!
What happened?
Well.
He wasn't much of a swimmer.
But he had a hell of a grip on the box. I couldn't pry it loose.
All right. Fine.
I'll get it. You just rest here.
Fine.
I'll just rest here, fine.
She's down there risking her life, and I'm resting.
I can't do this.
You all right in there?
I'm fine, thank you.
Can I bring you anything?
I'm okay.
Well, if you need anything, I'm right next door.
Maggie?
- Is that you? - What?
I thought I heard something.
What?
Hey, hey!
Hold it right there.
Where do you think you're going with that?
Oh...
Upon further investigation,
I found it to be a crucial clue,
and it must be returned to the castle.
Yeah, right. That's a clue, you're a police inspector
and I'm Herve Villechaize.
What?
You know, the little guy in Fantasy Island?
That's gonna hurt.
Yep. There it is.
Oliver?
Oh, there you are.
I phoned London, and I explained to them
about our little overnight detour,
but I assured them that the bottle was now totally secure.
Is there some reason you're walking funny?
The bottle is gone.
Those guys from the castle just stole it.
Don't be ridiculous, it's in my room.
See, it's right there.
Well, then they stole the box.
Why would someone steal a wooden box
and leave a $1 million bottle of wine?
All I know is, I just hate Scotland.
Yeah, it's about a three-hour drive.
Yeah, no problem.
All right.
Yeah, 11:00?
Good. Okay, great. Yeah, thanks, bye.
Hey.
You know, I love being summoned
in that suave, gentlemanly manner of yours.
And it's Miss Hey.
What?
The company people are handling your car and the chopper.
I have a plane ready for us in the morning.
Great. I'll see you in the morning.
I usually sleep on the right. But I'm flexible.
My God, the arrogance.
What am I supposed to do, fall into your arms?
Helpless, grateful and quivering?
Quivering's good.
Is it your beauty or your charm that makes you so irresistible?
Uh... Sixty-forty charm.
Do women actually fall for this?
A surprising number, yeah.
I fear I may have a bit too much pride.
After all, in a week, you won't even remember my name.
I can't remember it now.
Wait a second.
If this is based on the fact that in
the helicopter I said I wanted you,
well, at the time, I thought we were gonna die.
I didn't see any need to crush your fragile male ego.
Goodnight, Oliver.
Goodnight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Oliver.
I don't know how to break this to you.
But you're not as charming as you think you are.
And you're not as clever as you think you are.
And I'm certainly not as desperate as you think I am.
Wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Look, Maggie, you got me all wrong.
I...
I don't think I'm that charming.
And I know I'm not that clever.
And I certainly don't think you're desperate.
Besides, you probably have a wife and three kids.
I don't even have a dog.
Look, Oliver.
I'm flattered, really.
But...
It's just not me.
I understand.
I'll see you in the morning.
Mmm.
I changed my mind.
Okay.
Maggie, could you do me a favor?
Depends.
What have you done for me lately?
Call the airport and see if Kelleher's plane is ready.
All right, what's the number?
It's on a little piece of yellow paper in my wallet.
Did you find it?
Yeah.
I'll call from my room.
Great, thanks.
Tell me something. In Scotland, do you have to fly on the left?
Look, is it just me, or does it seem like we stopped talking to each other?
Well, goodbye, Oliver, I hope you have a wonderful life.
Excuse me?
Now that you have the bottle safely to the plane,
I've decided to hang around Glasgow for a bit.
Maybe I can pick up some extra cash hooking.
Look, I don't know why,
but it appears that you're a little upset about what we did last night.
And I am more than happy to talk about it.
But I prefer to do it once we're airborne.
Not that I'm superstitious, but the last time I was on a runway,
I got the shit kicked out of me.
Ah!
Excuse me.
Um, excuse me.
Please, do not be brave.
Oh, but that's not your bottle.
Oh, but my dear one, it is.
What a splendid-looking woman you are.
Sensual.
The glorious aura of sex emanates from your perfect body.
Leave this life of crime.
The whole world beckons.
Stop associating with thieves and evildoers.
Ready, Nico.
I must go.
And it pains me.
In 10 years, you will be even a greater marvel.
In 10 years more, young men will fling themselves at you.
Hmm?
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm great.
After a beating, there's nothing I enjoy more
than watching a woman I just made love to
play licky-face with some greaseball.
Oliver, they stole the wine.
I know, I was right here.
Well, what are we gonna do about it?
Oh, now it's "we" again.
Oliver, follow their plane.
I can't believe we're doing all this for a beverage.
Do you know people would cross oceans to taste that wine?
I would give anything in the world for just one sip.
Well, maybe you'll get lucky someday.
You know, your ignorance is very impressive.
That bottle is much too valuable just the way it is.
It will never be opened.
I don't suppose we could have rented a car instead.
Are you kidding?
The French Riviera in July?
We're lucky we're not running after them.
Maggie, how badly do you want this bottle?
Extraordinarily badly.
I was afraid you'd say that.
Do you have any idea where you're going?
Yeah. Down.
Oliver.
That was incredible.
I do better when people don't sneak up on me.
You know, it's amazing. It's like there's nothing you can't do.
- What is it? - It's my back.
I just threw it out on the bottle.
Couldn't have been the bottle. My God, you just fought four men.
I can hit all the people I want.
I'm just not supposed to lift things.
Maggie, hit him with the bottle.
Hit him!
Hit him with the bottle.
Hit him!
Don't pay any attention to him, my blossom.
What if it breaks?
I mean, technically, it still might belong to Harwood's,
even though you did agree to purchase it, we still...
Maggie, just hit him!
That was actually kind of exhilarating.
Are you all right?
I can't handle a motorcycle.
I have to steal the Rolls.
What's French for chiropractor?
I just need a pick ax
To break your heart of stone
Et voilà, c'est parti! Vous en faites pas, c'est sans danger.
Pardon.
Vous allez me dire sije vous fais mal! Hein?
Ici?
No, no, no. That's not it.
Now don't be surprised, Miss Harwood.
- Ow! - Ooh, pardon.
Once we ascertained you were headed for Nice,
it was really a simple matter for our computer to discover
that you rented your motorcycle.
You know, you were very lucky to get anything this time of year.
Keep her quiet.
I tried so hard to surprise you.
But you're too smart for me.
Help!
Look.
We stagger into the table
and knock it over.
We continue to fight.
- Là? - Yeah, okay, that's it.
You even tear my trousers in our struggle,
causing my wallet
with my address to fall unnoticed into a corner.
Everybody says you're an angel
But it's the devil in your soul
You sang for me
Oliver! Oliver!
I was doing them a favor
In the end
Maggie?
Where's Eze?
Eze, Eze.
Ah, Eze.
- Eze, whatever, yeah. - C'est facile...
Vous pouvez pas vous tromper! C'est pas loin!
Where is it?
Vous prenez la route de la mer, direction Villefranche Beaulieu,
et vous tournez à gauche juste apràs Beaulieu.
Yeah, yeah, you can't miss it, right?
Exactement!
Miss Harwood, relax.
This is not for you.
Come, our time has arrived.
I'm sure we look absurd to you, Miss Harwood.
God knows we acted that way.
Leaving the bottle behind, but we had no interest in it then.
We thought we only needed the box.
We were wrong, dear.
The wine itself held no interest for me because,
even though I am obviously French,
the truth is, I much prefer beer.
You should spend time with Oliver.
I will.
Ian, a little higher please.
Luis had hidden the remainder of a very important formula.
Right, yeah. That's right.
He died in the wine cellar,
trying to retrieve the formula and make his escape.
And at first, we thought he had written it on the box.
When that proved to be incorrect,
we completely ransacked the cellar.
Nothing was there of interest, so we deduced that the formula
had to be with the bottle.
Apparently, we were right.
Do you know what this is, Miss Harwood?
The death of death.
Well, I think
We have it.
Yes.
Philippe!
I'm sure that's it.
- Double-check. - Yeah.
Your Oliver, Miss Harwood, is he a bull?
When I was young, I was a bull.
Believe me, I know about the sex drive. It is very strong.
You have my word, he will soon be charging like a fool to your rescue.
Ian, escort the young lady to her chambers.
Maggie!
Psst.
Maggie!
I came to rescue you.
Don't rescue me, it's a trap.
Sweet.
Sweet Maggie, I know it's a goddamn trap!
The guy leaves his wallet with his address hanging out,
you think the thought of a setup doesn't cross my mind?
The point is,
I have somewhat bungled things.
So, you're gonna have to rescue me.
Are you safe on that?
Define safe.
All right, here's the deal.
I'll save your life, that's only fair, you saved mine.
Then we're quits. You have no interest in what I want.
What do you want?
A man who really loves me.
- That's me. - Bullshit.
I sense from your answer that you don't believe me.
Stop being charming.
I got nothing else going for me right now.
There's a 40-foot drop below me
and a crazy lady 10 feet above.
You were cruel to me when you didn't have to be.
When?
After our...
After we'd... After we were done with...
After sex?
Yes, right, correct.
You could have gotten the phone number yourself,
you didn't have to throw your wife at me.
I don't have a wife!
I saw the wedding photo.
That's my sister.
Don't make it worse.
She was married last spring.
I keep the photo because I happen to love her, sue me.
Pathetic.
Now, you listen to me, Margaret.
I don't give a shit about wine,
and I promise you, I don't have to work this hard to get a date.
When I first saw you, you were this funny, overworked ragamuffin.
And I thought to myself, "Hey, a funny, overworked ragamuffin."
I didn't have to fly up for that bottle.
I volunteered. Now, why do you think I did that?
Why should I believe any of this?
A man fresh from the chiropractor
crawls up the side of the building to save your life!
This is not mass entertainment, Maggie. It's got to be love.
What was that again?
You heard me.
Well, a woman likes to hear it out loud and as frequently as possible.
I love you.
Okay?
I'm hopelessly,
totally in love with you.
And that's all you're gonna get for now.
Grab hold, I'll pull.
You sure you're strong enough?
I've waited all my life for you, Oliver Plexico,
I'm not about to lose you now.
Okay.
Ah!
Sorry about that, just had to get my footing.
I'm fine now.
Let's grab that bottle and get out of here.
It's locked.
I also do plumbing.
Bravo, Mr. Plexico.
That is what you want, I think.
I told you he'd come for you. The power of sex, irresistible.
Thank you very much for this.
If only I could allow you to leave with it.
I'm sorry, I don't believe a gentleman like you would use that.
Believe him.
They were your friends!
We weren't that close.
What a charming couple you two would have made.
Why are you doing this?
Money and sex. What else is there?
Oh, Jesus.
So that's what this is all about, human growth hormone.
Highest honors.
What are you saying, Oliver?
That is a version of the human growth hormone molecule.
There is such a thing?
Absolutely.
You mean he wants to get bigger?
Younger. He wants to get younger.
He wants his youth back.
I'm getting it back.
How do you know about this?
We experimented with age reversal at Kelleher's labs.
And,
it doesn't work.
Yes.
But like everyone else, the formula you were working with was flawed.
Is anything as romantic as biogenetic engineering?
Imagine what the rich would pay
to have back the bodies of their youth.
It started.
In a little while,
the power of youth will be surging through my groin.
I'm going to entertain a dozen different women.
And tomorrow night
and every night after that.
And now, I'm afraid it is time for you to join
the other witnesses to Luis' unfortunate death.
One thing, please, just one.
For the first time in my life, I'm in love.
Now, all I'm asking is that you let me propose before you shoot.
I never would have figured you for such a romantic. By all means.
- Maggie... - Oh, I accept, Oliver.
I haven't asked yet.
And since it appears I'm only going to be able to do this once,
I'd like it to be done right.
Oh, is your back acting up again?
Oh, it's killing me.
I can't believe I climbed up that cliff.
I mean, if I'd known I was gonna get shot anyway,
I could have just rung the doorbell.
These places even have doorbells?
Mr. Plexico, you're wandering. It's too long, too long.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, Oliver, my heart is bursting with anticipation.
What the hell is going on?
Just keep stalling.
Maggie.
My beloved Maggie.
Maggie of my dreams.
Maggie, Maggie.
Maggie.
I know our time together has been short.
♪ But there are chicks ♪
♪ Just ripe for some kissin' ♪
♪ And I mean ♪
♪ To kiss me a few ♪
♪ Man, those chicks ♪
♪ Don't know what they're missin' ♪
♪ I've got a lot of livin' to do ♪
♪ There's music to play ♪
♪ Places to go ♪
♪ People to see ♪
♪ Sizzlin' steaks ♪
♪ Are ready for tastin' ♪
♪ Those Cadillac cars, all shiny and new ♪
♪ Gotta move 'cause time is a-wastin' ♪
♪ There's such a lot of livin' to do ♪
♪ Life's a ball ♪
♪ If only you know it ♪
♪ And it's all ♪
♪ Just waiting for you ♪
♪ You're alive ♪
♪ So come on and show it ♪
♪ We've got a lot of livin' to do ♪
Did I kill him?
No, he's gonna be fine.
You see, that injection he took
doesn't actually make you younger,
you just feel younger for a while.
It's the ultimate high.
Unfortunately for him, it's followed pretty quickly by the ultimate low.
We came up with the exact same formula
as Luis at the lab about 18 months ago.
At least our guys could sing.
How do you know so much?
Never said I didn't go to MIT.
Ladies and gentlemen.
This is obviously not going to be an ordinary auction.
I'm afraid there has been an inexcusable mix-up.
It seems that while I was selling this magnificent bottle to Mr. Kelleher,
my son, Richard, without my permission,
was simultaneously selling it to our Greek friend, Mr. Spiros Nivanos.
However,
I'm happy to be able to announce,
that having spoken with all parties involved,
everyone has graciously agreed to an open auction.
The bidding will start at $1 million.
And now, if you would take your seats, ladies and gentlemen,
we should begin very shortly.
How high are you gonna go?
Well, whatever it takes. That bottle is going to Texas.
How is your back?
Well, better than your head.
So, how much is your boss willing to spring for it?
I have no idea. Mr. Nivanos does not like to come second.
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, who will open the bidding at $1 million?
One million two.
One and a quarter.
Two million.
Two, two.
Two, four.
Two, five.
$3 million.
Bastard's got no sense of the value of money.
Three million, once.
Three million, twice.
$5 million.
Mr. Plexico,
I'm naturally not displeased with your more-than-fair offer.
But, how can I put this delicately?
Can you afford it, sir?
Ask him.
His mother founded the company.
He owns 80% of the stock.
I never said I was poor.
Further bids?
Then, sold to Mr. Oliver Plexico for $5 million.
Oliver!
Directly in front of you, Miss Harwood.
I take it, you are,
relatively speaking, well, compared to the general public, well-off.
I do okay.
Then why did you go through so much?
I enjoy the company.
Margaret, I'm proud of you.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
I'm afraid I have to steal her for a moment.
Here we are, this is the young lady I was talking about.
Oh, my God!
Oh, Oliver! You can't open that.
Why not? Napoleon would have,
he just didn't live long enough.
But it could be vinegar. I mean, old wine often turns to vinegar.
Well, then we either have a wonderful glass of wine
or a really expensive salad.
Consider this sort of a...
Oddball engagement present.
What do you say?
Oh, Oliver.
Oh.
Well, how about we celebrate with a toast?
Anyone would like to join us,
the price is $10,000 a glass.
Your personal checks will be happily accepted.
Make 'em out to your favorite charity.
Maggie, can we get some glasses?
Oh, yes.
Glasses, please.
Thanks, buddy.
Maggie.
Doesn't look like vinegar.
Doesn't smell like vinegar.
Son of a bitch.
Exactly.