(TWITTERING)
MAN: Better here?
Or better here?
Better here? Or better here?
You don't want to be walking around blind
at Christmas, Mrs. Ryor. Help me out.
I don't need glasses.
You need binoculars. We're settling for glasses.
Better one...
Glasses will make me look old.
Try these.
I look hot.
Evening, Father Bruce.
Hello, Dr. Finch.
Hello, Mrs. Patterson. Hello, Dr. Finch.
Dr. Finch!
Hello, Gustave, Gerta.
I'd love to chat and so,
but you know how focused Gerta gets on our runs.
Oh, Gerta!
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Auf Wiedersehen.
You should maybe get that looked at.
And start wearing some padding.
GUSTAVE: Gut, gut, gut.
Yes, well, I'm sure it's more fun your way, Arturo,
but I need you to hang the decorations,
not just chuck 'em up there and hope they stick.
Hey. Steve.
Mayor Young.
What do you think? Lookin' good.
Thank you.
Is that... Is that an angel on top?
(CHUCKLES) It's supposed to be, but we couldn't find one big enough.
Fortunately my wife has a porcelain doll collection,
so she lent us her Marilyn Monroe.
Nice touch. Looks good.
Yeah. Don't go overboard with the lights though. We don't want to seem tacky.
Whatever you say, Steve. Winterfest is your baby. Hey, hey.
We got any big surprises this year?
Come on. Come on. Nobody keeps a secret better than me. For instance...
(CLEARS THROAT) I know for a fact,
Sheriff Dave is a cross-dresser.
I never told a soul.
Until today.
Hi, honey. I'm home.
It's the raw quail eggs, isn't it?
It's the texture, right? The grainy, slimy, milky...
Can you taste the curry?
Yeah. Yeah.
Gee, I sure hope there's more of that.
You are such a bad liar.
I knew it was awful. It's awful, right?
Yeah.
Who wants pizza?
My life just isn't working out the way I thought it would.
Excuse me?
Oh, honey, you don't mean that.
I'm 10, and what have I really accomplished?
A half season of soccer.
Cleared legendary mode of Halo.
A lackluster stint in the Cub Scouts.
Hey. Hey. Guess what day it is.
Come on. Guess.
Maddy.
I don't know, and I don't care.
Wrong.
It's December 1.
(GROANS)
KELLY: Oh!
Time to break out the Christmas calendar.
Yes. This is a busy time of year,
so we have to have a game plan.
Okay. December 3, we hang the wreath.
You just get so intense about Christmas.
I'm not intense. I'm just extremely organized.
When you're talking about Christmas caroling,
you shouldn't have to use the term "flanking maneuver."
Look. Look, I know it's only December 1... Uh-huh.
...but I have all the planning to do for the Winterfest.
You have a cookbook to write. The kids have school.
It all goes by so quickly.
Before you know it, Christmas will be over.
Yeah, but that doesn't mean that we have to plan every second.
Look. My dad dragged me from one air force base to another.
Christmas was not a priority for him.
We... We didn't even have a tree.
Well, I want things to be different for my kids.
I want them to have big family traditions, year after year,
that they can count on and... And look forward to.
You're right.
I'm gonna try to be more supportive.
Well, you should be.
Madison is a loner. She has hardly any friends.
Carter's a 10-year-old boy with a midlife crisis.
Let's face it. Our kids are a little weird.
Well, I think this year they need Christmas more than ever.
You're right.
I'm sorry. You're right.
Snowmen, eggnog, caroling, we're gonna do it all, okay?
Okay.
And I don't write cookbooks.
What?
You always say that I write cookbooks, but I don't.
I just edit other people's recipes,
and then I compile them into cookbooks that nobody buys.
Then write your own. Oh, great.
So all the rejection would just be more personal? No, thank you.
Well, I think you should. Really?
Yeah. I think you could. Really?
Sure.
(TRUCK APPROACHING)
What is that?
Is it a truck?
I don't know.
(TRUCK ENGINE SPUTTERING)
KELLY: Ooh, it looks like we have new neighbors.
Who moves in the middle of the night? A meth lab?
How bad could it be?
Hmm.
(MUTTERING)
Okay.
Oh! Oh! Ow!
Whoa, big guy.
Take it easy. Hot, hot. Hot.
You're spazzin' out on me. You're havin' a seizure.
Oh. I got Tasered once. It looked exactly like that.
And I'm man enough to say I wet myself.
Who are you?
I'm Buddy Hall. We just moved in across the street.
You don't happen to have a cat, do you? No.
Oh, good. Because I was moving in last night,
I accidentally dropped a fridge on one.
Thank God most of it got away.
Buddy! Tia!
Come on over and meet... Hey.
What's your name? Finch. Steve Finch,
but this isn't really a very good time.
Come and meet Steve.
Good morning! Hi.
Oh, well, Steve, you have a way with the ladies.
Thanks. Oh, um, thank you.
My wife, Kelly. This is Buddy.
Kelly. Very nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. Honey,
I measured. The ceiling's too low in the bedroom.
We're gonna have to get a shorter pole.
(BUDDY GROANS)
Morning. Hi.
Oh, what'd he do, try to steal your paper?
No. I was just being neighborly.
Oh, leave you alone for five minutes... (MURMURS)
(GASPS) Looks like we got a visitor.
Oh!
Don't put the little guy away on my account.
Tia, this is Kelly. Kelly, this is Tia.
Hi. So nice to meet you. Hi.
You too.
You have kids, right? We do.
Why don't you come on over,
and we should talk about maybe starting a carpool or somethin'.
That sounds great.
Welcome. TIA: Thank you.
Bye.
Hey.
Here. Watch out. It's hot.
Ah! Ah! Hot, hot, hot.
Mmm. It's good.
MADDY: I can't believe you're making me do this.
KELLY: We're just gonna stop and say hello.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(GRUNTS) Come on in. It's open.
Hello?
Oh. Good. Oh, honey, could you come over here and give me a little boost?
Oh, sure. Seriously, sweetie.
I'm about to break my neck here.
Just yank it up there. Yeah. Just... Yeah. A little bit harder.
Oh. More. Up.
(YELPS)
There you go.
Whoo! That's one way to get acquainted, huh?
Oh, uh, these are for you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, I love blueberry.
Right to the hip.
And who do we have here?
This is Madison.
Say hello, Madison.
Hello, Madison.
She's 15. You know how they get.
TIA: You're kidding me. Fifteen?
My girls are 15.
Girls, get your butts down here! We've got company!
Carter. Carter.
(GASPS)
You're staring.
Oh. Oh.
Sorry about that. I used to do a little modeling.
Mostly for art classes at the community college.
That's how I met Buddy.
Really. Was he an artist?
Nah. They caught him peeking in through the windows.
(CHUCKLES)
That... That's such a sweet story.
You know, I just got so tired of dating boys.
No offense. Mmm.
Then one day I met Buddy, and
he just swept me right off my feet.
Oh.
TIA: Oh, there you are.
These are my babies, Ashley and Emily.
KELLY: Hi, girls. BOTH: Hi.
This is Madison, and this is Carter.
Hi.
You know, you girls will probably be in a lot of the same classes.
Great. Are there any hot guys?
Uh...
Yeah, but, you know, they're all enormous tools.
Really? Will you introduce us?
Oh! Kelly, thank you.
That has been in my family for years.
Oh, it's beautiful.
It ought to be.
It's worth more than this entire house put together.
(CHUCKLES)
Let me just find a safe place for it,
and we'll see about getting these kids to school.
I can drop them at school if you want to stay and unpack.
Really?
Sure. You'd do that for me?
Yeah. No problem. I'll just...
I'll bring the car around while they get dressed.
Oh, they are dressed. Trust me.
This is more clothes than they've worn in months.
Can I live here?
Get in the car.
You got a fake I. D?
Uh. No. No.
Don't worry. We can make you one.
Nice girls.
You kidding me? I pray every day for the strength
not to run over the both of them with a truck.
Have a nice day!
MAN: All right. Listen up, you guys. We just got in
a new shipment of Aspens.
And I want you to sell three for me by lunchtime. All right.
What, are you kidding?
Hey. We got a new salesman. Buddy Hall over here.
Let's make him feel welcome.
Come on. Yeah. How you doin'?
All right. All right. All right.
Hi.
Welcome aboard.
Sell, sell, sell. All right.
(SOFTLY) Okay.
(WHISPERING) Oh, this is gonna be good. Oh!
Oh. Buddy!
Hey. You, uh...
Gee, you ready to sell some cars?
Me? I'm a born car salesman.
But I was thinking today that
maybe I would just kind of ease into it.
You know, get a feeling for the place.
Yeah, well... Well, you see that tire-kicker right there?
He's all yours.
Hmm.
I don't know. I...
I got a thousand bucks says you can't sell him.
Let me in on that action.
You know... Thousand bucks?
...let's just make it three.
Three? TED: Three g's.
All right. You guys are asking for it.
There's one born every minute. Come on.
MAN: Ted, this is genius.
You can't let these new guys get into a rhythm.
I'm telling you, boys. From this day forward,
we own that guy.
There we go. The brush-off.
That's the brush-off. The brush-off. Okay.
(ALL LAUGHING)
We got ya!
Are you okay?
You walked face-first into that buzz saw. (IMITATES SAW)
Money on my desk by the end of the day. No checks.
That... That's not possible.
Mr. Murray owns the dealership.
I just bought one of my own cars.
And the worst part is I paid sticker.
Hey, girls.
Hey, Dad. Hi, Dad.
(KNIFE CHOPPING)
(SIGHS)
And?
(SIGHS)
Sold a car the first five minutes!
Buddy, no! Oh, my God!
Told you things were gonna work out. Yeah, yes.
Oh, baby. I'm so proud of you. It's great.
Great, great, great, great, great.
Yeah. Mmm. It's great. Mmm.
Buddy. (MURMURS)
Buddy?
Buddy. Yeah.
Bud. I know.
Don't you even... You always do this.
You start out great. You lose interest.
And the next thing you know, I'm up to my neck in cardboard boxes.
No, it's great. I'm a car salesman.
Hey. That's a good job.
It's a great job. Great job.
Car salesman. Yes.
Carpets. Uh, copiers.
Futons.
(MUTTERS)
It's all the same.
I don't know. I was just hoping that,
you know, one day I'd do something big.
Something important.
Something monumental.
You are. You're going to pay off our monumental debt.
(GRUMBLES)
Buddy, you promised me.
Oh. Well, I will keep my promise.
That was a little...
Everything's gonna be great.
Oh, yes. (MURMURING)
Daddy. Daddy, come look.
(TOGETHER) We got something real cool.
Oh, the honeys.
TOGETHER: Hey, Dad. Mmm.
You're sweet. Mmm!
What do you got goin' here?
It's My Earth.
My Earth? You type in an address,
and you can see every house in the country from space.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Emily's already used it to track the, like, five hottest guys in school.
Yeah, Dad. Three of them live two blocks from here.
Wow. That's more math than you've done in years.
Did it hurt? Loser.
Easy. You can see every house from space?
Yeah. Let's see.
Where's our house?
Oh, you can't see our house.
EMILY: But you can see the neighbors'.
That figures. We're invisible.
Buddy, trash.
Mmm.
Hmm.
Space, huh?
Of course you can see the big house.
See it from space.
I'll light it up.
(CHUCKLES)
Not gonna be invisible anymore.
(LOUD BANGING)
3:00 in the morning. (BANGS)
Unbelievable. (BANGS)
(HAMMERING)
Oh, man.
Buddy.
Hey, Steve.
Do you have any idea what time it is?
What's the matter? All the clocks in your house busted?
No, I know what time it is.
Oh. What, did ya
just need an excuse to come over here in your underwear?
No. No. I was being sarcastic.
Oh. Well, you gotta know that stuff
like that just goes right over my head.
Here. Hold these things.
I want to strand them out.
No. I will not hold on to this.
That's why I came over here. You're making all kinds of noise.
Do you have any idea how bright your house is?
Yeah. It's pretty damn bright.
BUDDY: Look at that. Whoo!
Oh. Is that what's bothering you? The lights?
Yes. That's right. Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it. I'll turn them off. Thank you.
Oh. Thank you.
Steve.
Are we gonna be friends?
Because, you know, we just moved into the neighborhood, and
boy, it would be bad if I ticked off the only guy I know.
That would kill me.
Well, maybe I overreacted a little bit.
Ah, you know, I can be a real jerk sometimes.
Maybe we should just start completely over.
Buddy Hall. And you are?
No. I didn't mean we should literally.
I was... I was speaking metaphorically.
Pew!
That's it. I don't...
Sometimes my stupidity astounds me.
I got an idea. How about if you and I
come up with a series of hand signals,
so I'll know when you're gonna talk weird?
I'll see you tomorrow.
This is gonna be good. Come on. It's so late.
Get that satellite image up that you had before.
Go on. Here. Honey, you sit here. Really?
Yeah. Sit right there and watch. Yeah.
There's so many buttons. I'll do it. Move.
Do it. Do it. Okay. You do it. Where you going?
Stick around. I want you to see this.
You still can't see it.
You're gonna miss it.
Sorry, Daddy. What do you mean you can't see it?
It's impossible. I put so many more lights on.
Oh, honey, you're gonna get it. You'll get it.
(GROANS)
I gotta go bigger.
Oh, hi.
Can you order me more of these?
Sure.
Yeah? Yeah.
What's that?
(CHUCKLES) You're gonna love this.
It's a horse-drawn sleigh.
Don't see many of these around anymore.
No, you don't.
Nice.
I'll take it!
No. Come on.
No. Why?
Get away from me with that. What do you mean?
I'm serious. I'll call Child Services.
One look at that, and they will put you away.
Maddy. Maddy. We...
We always wear matching sweaters for the family Christmas card.
Come on. It's all right. Huh? Please?
Hmm? Look, huh?
Please.
Are we ready?
There. You see? Mom's wearing hers.
Okay. Mom's old and married.
All right? She doesn't need the self-esteem.
I still have something to live for.
It's true. Madison's right.
She's got her whole life ahead of her.
That's more than I can say for some of us.
Come on. He does this every year.
He starts acting all depressed so people feel bad for him
and buy him bigger presents.
Hey. The new neighbors have reindeer.
TOGETHER: Reindeer?
Wait. Wait. Wait.
BUDDY: Hey, Steve. What do you think?
Oh, my God. (CHUCKLES)
It's so cute. Where in the world did you find it?
Eugene Young down at the hardware store sold it to him.
Isn't it beautiful?
Beautiful.
Yes. And... And these horses.
These horses... I... I especially like the way
you've duct-taped the antlers to their heads.
Yeah, well, apparently, reindeer are not indigenous to the region.
ASHLEY: That sweater is really cool.
Yeah. Is it Marc Jacobs?
Oh.
You know, I'm not sure. I have so many,
it's kind of hard to keep track these days.
(HORSE WHINNIES)
Well, this has been fun.
So, let's go... Let's go take the picture, huh?
Wait. What picture?
Are you talking about your Christmas picture? Mm-hmm.
You should take it here in the sled.
That's a great idea! Oh, yeah.
No, that's a horrible idea because
we always take our picture in front of the fireplace.
It's a tradition.
But wouldn't it be nice to try something new this year?
I don't think so. No. Here's a hat.
No. Take the picture in the sled.
Oh, no, no.
Put the Santa suit on. Yes, no.
You're gonna take the picture in the sled.
That's silly.
That's the way to do it.
It's adorable.
Carter, get out of that right now.
Also, we should keep our voices down a little bit because
I found these horses on the outskirts of town,
and between you and me, they look a little skittish.
You found these horses? Yeah.
Carter...
No, no. ...out of that death trap now!
Come on. All right, Carter. Let's go.
Give me the reins. Give me the reins. Come on, Carter.
Let go of the reins.
(WHINNIES)
Whoa! Whoa!
Oh, my God! Let's go.
Honey! Steve!
(ALL SHOUTING)
Honey!
(WHINNYING)
Run, run, run, run! Honey!
Whoa! Stop, horses! Whoa! Whoa!
Oh, sh... Whoa!
Whoa!
That's not good.
(CAR ALARM BLARES)
Whoa! Whoa!
How do you steer this thing?
Whoa! (HORN HONKS)
Out of the way! Out of the way!
Whoa!
Oh, Mrs. Ryor!
Whoa.
Oh, oh. Fifi! (WHIMPERS)
Whoa. Whoa.
(BOTH WHIMPERING)
Whoa! Whoa!
Ah.
Oh, my!
Whoo. Whoo.
(SCREAMS)
Santa! He's real!
I knew it! I knew it!
Ow!
(GROANING)
Ah!
Ooh!
(SCREAMING)
Oh!
Oh, boy!
(GROANING)
(BIRD WARBLES)
BUDDY: Oh. He's coming to.
I think he's gonna be all right.
Where am I?
We're in the backseat of your wife's car on the way to the hospital.
You warming up?
Yeah.
Where are my clothes?
You were freezing to death. We had to get you out of them.
Where are your clothes?
I had to get your body temperature up, so I stripped us both down
and zipped us into this sleeping bag.
Trust me. It works. I've done it a half a dozen times.
(SCREAMING)
Calm down. Calm down.
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
The doctor said he probably saved your life.
Which is only fair, since he's the one
who almost got me killed in the first place. (HORNS HONKING)
Oh, this used to be such a nice, quiet neighborhood.
Look at it now. People driving by all night.
(HORNS HONKING)
(CHATTERING)
You see that?
I think he's tapping into our power.
Yes. And in the process, he is stealing our very souls.
Well, how do you think he's powering all those lights of his?
Honey, I really think you're wrong about him.
Look at what he dropped off.
He knew we didn't get a chance to take
a picture for our Christmas card,
so look what he made from a picture he took at the hospital.
That's you, with the blue lips.
Yeah.
And a cute little oxygen tube coming from your nose.
Yeah. I picked up on that. Thanks.
Come on now. That is a nice gesture, don't you think?
Okay.
Okay. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know.
I think that we should take them with us to get the tree.
No! Yes.
'Cause I really like Tia. (PEOPLE SHOUTING)
She's taken a real interest in my cookbooks.
And you just need to find a way to get along with Buddy.
Okay. But he's not touching any of my trees.
Okay, fine. But they're coming with us.
Hey, Mom. Hi, sweetie.
Hey, Dad. I was thinking.
Maybe you could take me Christmas shopping for Mom.
We could go to the mall and wander around...
Oh! And we can get hot chocolate!
You know what?
Already taken care of.
You're getting her a really nice sweater that I ordered from a catalog.
Oh.
I guess that means we don't have to go to the mall together.
Yeah. Isn't that great?
That place is an insane asylum this time of year.
(CROWD CHATTERING)
(CHUCKLES)
(HORN HONKS)
A little more power.
Did you see that?
Yeah. You did?
(CACKLING)
(CROWD CHATTERING)
(HORN HONKING)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Come on, kids. Carter, come on.
Oh. You guys have your own lot. "Private."
Yes. Isn't it great? Steve's been working on it for years.
So nice. We love it.
Oh, this is amazing, honey. Look.
Wow. Whoa.
It's a nice tree, honey. BUDDY: What have you got here?
Nice? It's perfect.
A 12-foot Silver Noble.
Yes, sir. This is the way God intended trees to look.
What do you do? Chop 'em down or launch 'em?
(GIRLS GIGGLE)
Laugh all you want,
but I got the next five years of trees all lined up.
And each one of them is perfect.
No twisted trunks, no bald spots.
Well, it's certainly a dandy tree. I'll give you that.
Honeys, let's go.
Yeah, Dad. Let's find a really big one.
Yeah.
But it has to be pretty.
Hey.
The last ones to the car are losers.
Please. It's not like it's a race.
Give me the ax, Carter. No way he beats us.
Honey, you said he could cut it down.
Well, he can do it next year. Come on. Give me the ax.
It's all right, sweetheart. Come on.
STEVE: What's the record?
MADDY: Wow, Dad.
I think I wrote it down in my diary, but I must have forgot.
Ha-ha. Very funny. But we'll be halfway home by the time he...
(CHAIN SAW WHIRRING)
Does anyone smell gas?
Well, it's probably me, but cut me some slack.
I'm swinging pretty hard.
(ALL GASP)
Oh, my God! Mom.
KELLY: Sweetheart, do something.
What? What happened?
KELLY: You're gonna ruin the forest. What's happened?
What's happening? I don't know.
It's got the fence too.
The trees.
The little one. The little one.
Fifteen years.
Fifteen years I've been growing those trees.
He obviously didn't mean to do it, honey. It was an accident.
He did offer to cut you down a tree, Dad.
Finches always have a Silver Noble tree. It's a tradition.
And thank God they had one left.
You get the tree, Son.
BUDDY: Go right between the cars. EMILY: Okay.
All right, here we go. Keep it up. That's a girl.
BUDDY: Oh, boy.
I'm pretty sure you broke the record cutting this one down, Dad.
(LAUGHS)
(ROCK CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
Better there?
Better one. Better two.
Hey! Hi, guys!
Hi, guys!
Hi! Thanks for coming! Merry Christmas!
Oh, honey, the girls are having so much fun showing everybody the lights.
I pray to God that's all they're showing 'em.
You coming out?
Gonna run a sequencer on the lights.
Buddy. Synchronize it to the music.
Are you deaf?
These people are depending on me
to give 'em something amazing.
That's just what I'm gonna do.
Aah! Aah! Is it me? Oh, G...
Probably a good idea to have a fire extinguisher around.
You think? Mmm.
STEVE: Ah, no.
More lights? No.
Buddy! Buddy?
Hey, what are you doing?
Hi, Steve.
Getting more lights?
Yeah. Is that your shop across the street?
This is wrong. All this has to go back.
Just the man I needed to see.
What do you think of the tree for Winterfest?
Well... Actually, Steve,
I was talking to Buddy here. After all, he is the expert.
Come on. Would you have a look?
Watch my stuff, Steve. Now...
Folks, everything's free today.
Anything you want. It's all free.
BUDDY: I love the colored strands of lights. The spacing is great.
Thank you.
The ornaments well dispersed.
Oh, yes.
I see you're using my bulb of choice, the C-9. (CHUCKLING)
Very nice! That adds a lot of class to that tree. I love it.
(LAUGHS) Thank you! Really good.
He likes it! Hey, Steve.
That... That is a tree. Yes, it is.
Huh? Yeah.
Listen, we need to get something straight.
Around here I'm the Christmas guy.
Really? Yeah. Yeah.
It's kinda my thing.
Uh, Chris has Memorial Day,
Pete has the Fourth of July, but I have Christmas.
Oh.
But, hey, hey, you can have Halloween.
Yeah. Yeah, good. Halloween.
Yeah, sure, sure.
Couple of pumpkins in the yard, a skeleton or two,
you can jump out and scare people.
It'll be great. What do you think? I don't think so.
No?
This Winterfest thing...
What is this all about?
Oh, it's our... Our annual Christmas carnival.
Wow.
Yeah, we have a show, games,
ice sculpture, races.
I happen to be the chairman.
It's a pretty prestigious position. Mmm!
You have races? What kind of races?
Speed skating.
Speed skating? We do it right here.
They put the ice right on Main Street.
I used to do a little speed skating myself.
Really? (CHUCKLES)
Well, so did I.
MAN: Excuse me.
Wallace Fiskin. Oh!
Buddy Hall. Sir,
meeting you is one of the great moments of my life.
Well, thank you, Wallace. It's a pleasure to meet you.
So, anyway,
how do you feel about the liberal use of mistletoe?
Well, I feel that you should go sparingly around the threshold,
because that's a cliché.
Please. Please.
My mission is clear.
Wallace, thank you. Good luck.
Would you take this inside for me? Oh, my pleasure.
Steve! Oh, Steve!
I guess I'm the new Christmas guy.
That's okay. You can take Toe Jam Day.
Oh.
This isn't over yet.
We're just getting started. I'm the Christmas guy.
I'm the Christmas guy!
(STEVE VOCALIZING)
Honey, Tia just gave me a great idea.
I'm gonna write my own cookbook.
That's my girl.
Tia gave you the idea?
I've been telling you to do that for years.
You know what?
It should be a cookbook for real moms who cook for real families!
Yes!
(GASPS) And I have the title for you.
Food-Food with Kelly Finch.
I love it!
MADDY: Dad, there's about 50 singing dorks
waiting for you in the front yard!
Fifty. Isn't that great? (CROWD CHATTERING FAINTLY)
You know what?
You are gonna help me write the cookbook.
(GASPING)
Okay!
Yes? Yea! I'd be happy to!
KELLY: Kids! (STEVE VOCALIZING)
Wow! Nice!
Where are your clothes?
Calm down. I have a jacket.
Well, keep it zipped.
So, where are the twins?
They'll be over just as soon as the boys get here.
Boys? Boys? Madison is not allowed to date.
Honey, don't worry. It's a one-time thing. They ship out next week.
They're in the navy?
Bye, Dad!
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
(ALL CHEERING)
Oh. Thank you for coming, and thank you for...
For braving the insanity.
I have the songbooks here, so let's pass them amongst yourselves.
(GERTA SPEAKING GERMAN)
Oh, yes, do you have "There's An Acorn In My Stocking"?
Uh, no, I...
(GERMAN)
Yes, do you have "The Ignorant Snowman"?
No, I don't think I do. But we can...
Hey, there's a news crew over at the Halls.
Yeah, it really is quite a spectacle.
Anyway, I thought that we would start with
one of my... My very favorites,
"The Holly and the lvy."
Pitch pipe.
Oh. Sorry.
Ah! Hi! (GIGGLES) Have a good time! Sing away!
Sorry, honey. Go ahead.
Thanks for coming!
(SINGING CHRISTMAS CAROL)
(HIP-HOP ON LOUDSPEAKERS)
I love that song!
No, wait! Wait! Come back!
Come back here! We're not done with rehearsal!
Come back. We're not... We're going caroling.
It's a... It's a tradition. Everybody...
Honey! You!
I'm not going anywhere.
Where are the kids? Um...
Oh, look. They are going to be making kissing and so.
Ja. Kissing and so. Ja.
Hello there. We're from Channel 8 News,
and we would love to have an interview.
Where are they going?
Hi. I... I'm just very happy that everyone likes the lights.
Oh! (GIGGLES)
REPORTER: Yes, indeed.
Obviously you have put an awful lot of work into this.
Oh, yeah. And I'm nowhere near being finished.
Oh, are you kidding me? Jesus!
(ALL GASPING)
(SINGING) ...Christ, the Lord, is born this Christmas morning
Look at that.
The lights have obviously brought out
the Christmas spirit in everyone.
Yeah. Yeah, they bring out the Christmas spirit in everybody.
Yeah, I'm really happy about that.
Oh, my gosh.
And I'm not gonna stop
until I have the biggest and brightest light display
in the world.
Oh, please.
I also...
I really want my house to be seen
from space!
(ALL CHEERING)
Oh, my God!
Outer space.
Oh, God!
Honey. Wait!
Wait. What are you gonna do?
You heard him, didn't you?
This is gonna stop tonight!
We'll see what Sheriff Dave has to say about this.
Does anybody know who these R.V. S belong to? Anybody?
Why? You wanna make me an offer?
No. I need to get out.
Okay.
Scoot on through.
I don't know.
I swear to God, men can't drive anymore.
You hold my beer, I'll do it for you.
Okay, okay, I'll do it.
Just... Just guide me out.
All right.
Hey, you could probably use a few more
lights on your house, don't you think?
(ENGINE STARTS) Look at that thing!
All right, you ready?
You sure?
That's why I'm here, buddy. Don't worry. I'm watchin' ya. I'm watchin'.
A little bit to your right. No, no, your other right! Yeah! Come on!
I can't see the other side at all.
That's okay. I'm your eyes.
I'm your eyes.
Straight back. Doesn't look like enough room to me.
Oh! Oh, boy! (CRIES OUT)
Oh, that's ugly.
Okay. Okay. It's all right!
At this point, it's like pulling off a Band-Aid.
You gotta just gun it! You know?
Okay. You ready?
One, two...
Gun it!
WOMAN: Oh, no!
Ayayayayay!
(HORN HONKING) Get out of the way, please. Excuse me.
This is an active roadway. Please. Oh, come on!
(POP CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
Sheriff Dave, you have to do something about my neighbor's house.
Oh, yeah, yeah, the Hall place.
I take my kids by there every night after dinner. (LAUGHS)
It just keeps gettin' bigger and bigger.
Yes, well, that's... That's why I want you to arrest him.
Arrest him? On what charge?
Light trespass.
Light trespass? Uh-huh.
Yes. Light trespass.
"When bright, uncontrolled light
"shines in neighboring property or windows
"as to cause a public nuisance."
Well, I'm... I'm public, and I've been
nuisanced.
I can't arrest a man for décor... What are you looking at?
What, this? No! No.
I... I don't mind if you wear a br...
I... Looks like a nice one.
It's a brace. My wife made it for me.
I dislocated my shoulder. It keeps it from popping back out.
Sure.
What'd you think?
(LAUGHS)
Did you think I was wearing a bra?
No, no. That would... That would be crazy. (CHUCKLES)
Now, as far as the lights are concerned,
I'm saying it's Christmas... Mm-hmm.
...and you've got a lot on your mind,
what with the Winterfest coming up.
But if you want to file a complaint, I'll fill out the paperwork.
I do. Thank you. I appreciate it. I want to file a complaint.
Now,
where is that form?
Yes. Here we are.
Dr. Finch?
Yo.
Sleigh man.
What happened? I woke up, and you were gone.
What are you doing out here?
(GASPS)
Honey!
You've really been doing a lot of work.
Yeah.
It looks amazing.
(SIGHS)
I guess the light thing is pretty stupid, isn't it?
Oh, honey.
Yeah, it is.
Oh, come on. It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
You want our lights to be seen from space.
Certifiable.
I'll take 'em all down tomorrow.
You touch one bulb on that house
and you've seen the last of my special holiday offers,
I think you know what I mean.
You just said they look stupid.
Yeah! It's crazy!
But all good ideas are crazy.
These are lights.
Oh, come on.
I think we both know it means more to you than just lights.
Who knows?
Might turn out to be
something monumental.
I can always count on you, can't I?
Sure.
Mmm.
Oh, cow! We'll have buttermilk pancakes tomorrow.
What is he up to now?
He's bringing in animals for a live manger scene.
Unbelievable.
STEVE: Is that a camel?
BUDDY: Look at that.
DELIVERYMAN: Yep.
Can't wait to run my kids by.
Well, if you wanna make sure they see it,
you'd better bring 'em tonight.
Let's light this candle.
What are you doing?
Oh. I... What are you doing up anyway?
It's late. You should go to bed. Zip up your coat.
You're gonna cut his power, aren't you?
Need a lookout?
SpongeBob, this is SquarePants.
The tiger is in the cage.
Roger that, SquarePants.
I'm going in. Roger.
(EMILY GIGGLING) Ow! Stop! Ashley! Ouch!
Hey, you! Whoa!
This is the best Christmas ever.
Emily, stop!
Tiger has left the enclosure!
(CARTER GARBLED ON RADIO)
What? What? What channel are you on? Hello?
(SHOUTS) He's coming! Hide!
(GRUNTS)
(BLEATS)
Oh, good Lord!
(BELLOWS)
That's disgusting.
(GRUMBLING)
No. No. Get away from me.
(BELLOWING)
Well, go, before he comes back!
Pardon me.
Yeah, I oughta...
(BELLOWING)
Jackpot.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah! Yeah!
(DOOR CLOSES)
Hi, hon. Couldn't sleep?
What the hell are you doing over there?
Oh, my God. You smell. Were you with the camel?
I did it. I did it. The lights are off. Isn't it great?
A little help, please!
Sorry, Mom.
It was his idea.
Get him down right now!
All right, but tonight, when you're getting your best sleep in weeks,
remember, I did it.
The lights are off. The lights are finally...
(COUNTRY MUSIC BLASTING)
Now we're talkin'.
(GENERATOR CHUGGING)
You see that?
That was a close one. The lights went out.
Yeah. We came right over to see if there was
anything we could... We could do to help, Buddy.
What's that noise?
Oh, that?
That's the Generac 3000, liquid-cooled generator.
Comes in handy in a pinch like this, don't you think?
Very handy.
Well, everything seems to be in order here, honey.
I think we should go to bed.
Good night, Buddy.
E... Excuse me. Is that your son
dangling from that telephone pole?
Hi, Mr. Hall.
We're having him tested.
Oh. Yeah.
Well, good night.
Good night. Thank you very much.
Go get him right now!
Coming, Carter.
Finch.
Where's my paper?
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
Kelly!
He's messing with the wrong hombre.
I'm making the call.
The neighborhood association is not gonna stand by while this g...
What is it?
How did this get here?
Buddy. Really?
Hey, Dad, what's that car doing in our driveway?
It's beautiful.
CARTER: This is awesome. I call shotgun!
If you don't like the color, we could change it out.
Buddy. Buddy, the tree? A car?
I... I... It's an amazingly generous gesture,
but we can't possibly accept it.
Oh, yeah, it's too much. Then again, we don't wanna be rude.
Steve.
Well, I drive a car with no doors.
We live in Massachusetts. I could die.
The car is yours. I'm not gonna take "no" for an answer.
After all I put you through, that's all there is to it.
The keys are inside. Enjoy it.
Thank you so much.
This is great.
Enjoy. Thank you.
(ENGINE STARTS)
I'll get the electrician to come by
this morning and fix the fuse box.
Yes, I think you better.
I will.
Guys, what happened?
Vandals.
They took a chain saw to it last night.
Stole the whole thing, decorations and all.
Gee.
Nah.
He couldn't have.
It can't be the same tree.
Dr. Finch, this came for you from the car dealer.
Oh. Probably the documentation...
They say you have to pay for the car by lunchtime,
or you're going to be arrested.
Arrested? Arrested? But that car w...
Bob, you wanted to see me?
Yeah, hey, Buddy! Come on in here, grab a seat.
Let me just send that important thing off there. Hey.
Look, I know you think I'm young
and maybe a little inexperienced.
But the truth is, you don't get to where I am
without knowing a thing or two about the art of selling cars.
(CHUCKLES)
Actually, Bob, you got to where you are
because your dad owns the business.
Look, yeah... You know what?
We're getting off-task here. It's not important.
What's important here is this month's
sales figures. They just came in.
Bob, what are we doing here? I should be out there selling cars.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up there, goose.
Come on back inside here.
Look, you're a great salesman. Everybody knows that.
All right? Thank you, thank you.
But the problem is, your numbers are way down, Buddy.
You can't sell cars if you're never here.
Mmm.
Bob,
it's the lights,
the Christmas lights.
See, all my life I've been looking for that... That one thing,
that one important thing.
And I've always quit
everything I started.
I can't quit this, Bob.
I gotta finish this.
Right.
Well, if finishing those lights
means more time away from work,
then I can pretty much guarantee
you're not gonna have a job to come back to when you're done.
(WOMAN OVER P.A.) Buddy, you have a customer in the showroom.
Duty calls.
Hey, Steve!
What is this? Hey, what is this? What's inside here?
Hmm.
Well, I don't have my X-ray goggles with me,
but I'm guessing that's the bill to the new car you bought.
I didn't buy a car. You gave me a car.
And I know about the tree.
Tr... The tree? What tree?
I don't know about any tree.
And unless they have film on it, you don't know about any tree.
They don't have film on it, do they?
You chopped down
the town Christmas tree... No, no, no, no, no.
...and stuck it in my living room.
And you made me believe that that car was a present.
Steve.
If you would've looked at the bill, you would have noticed
that I shaved my commission by almost a third,
which, in most circles, is quite a substantial gift.
Well, your gift is parked outside.
Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve. You cannot
walk away from your obligations.
You signed the contract.
I didn't sign anything.
No, that's true. You didn't sign anything.
I had to forge your signature.
Otherwise, they wouldn't have let me drive the car outta here.
Beep!
Okay, that's it. That's it.
We're gonna settle this like men.
Ooh.
I'm gonna contact my attorney.
Oh, you're gonna contact your attorney.
Is that the way you settle things like men?
What's the matter? Your mommy out of town?
Okay, you wanna go?
Let's go outside right now. Come on.
Let's do it. I'm gonna kick your ass!
Whoa, whoa! Take it easy, Jackie Chan.
Relax. We're not barbarians.
What do you want to do?
Well, there's the little Winterfest coming up.
And in the Winterfest,
there is an ice-skating race.
Yeah.
Yeah. Great idea. Great idea.
You win, I buy the car. I win, you take down the lights.
Deal.
Tree sap.
(SMACKING)
It's a beautiful car. It's fully loaded.
You spared no expense.
BUDDY: Keep your eye on the frozen ball.
I'm gonna knock the little hairs off that little Russian guy.
I think you should do it, Carter. Do it.
Little wooden man goin' down!
Ha-ha! Zingo!
(LAUGHS) Touchdown.
All right, come on, Son. Let's show 'em how it's done.
Hello, Steve.
Hello.
Okay, give him five dollars, Son.
My dad's gonna win.
Ah! Southpaw.
Watch and learn.
Look at the two of them.
Why are they working so hard at hating each other?
I don't know. Why can't they just be quiet
and do it with a big smile on their face like normal neighbors?
Yeah.
That mean man knocked down the old lady!
He just winged her!
That's gonna swell up.
It's not too late to back out, Finch.
What are they doing now?
Oh, this is just getting embarrassing.
(BOTH GASP)
On your mark, get set...
Hey! Wait!
Whoa!
They're acting like a bunch of 12-year-olds.
I mean, let's... Let's just... I can't...
(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Buddy! Buddy!
You. Come on. Come with me. Come on.
Oh! STEVE: Come on.
You two have tweaked my last nerve.
She's right. This is crazy.
I don't care if it takes all day.
You're gonna stand here and work it out.
There's nothing to work out.
You see?
I told you you can't talk to a guy like this. It's a waste of time...
Ow!
Ow! Ow!
Why'd you hit me?
I don't know. She started it.
Don't be such babies. Now this is important to us.
And it better be important to you too.
Talk it out.
(MOCKING) "Talk it out."
I don't know what we're supposed to say.
There is nothing in the universe that we could agree on.
Well, you got that right.
Okay, everybody, let's give a nice, warm Winterfest welcome to
the Santa Babies!
(CHEERING)
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
Now, that is something we can agree on.
I mean, that's got it goin' on.
Look at that. (LAUGHS) Right?
Yes. You're a guy, right?
Yeah, I'm a guy.
Yeah. Come on.
Hey! Hey! Is it gettin' hot out here, or is it just you girls?
(VOCALIZING) Oh, nice dip.
Wow!
Whoo! Ow! (CHUCKLING)
STEVE: Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!
Hey, baby! Who's your daddy?
Oh, God. I'm your daddy.
I'm your daddy! I'm your daddy! Ah!
My eyes! My eyes!
BUDDY: My eyes! My eyes!
We're going to hell.
You think I don't know that?
For one second I let myself think you were
a normal guy, and this is what happens.
You blame me for this? "Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?"
(WALLACE ON P.A.) The annual Winterfest speed skating races
will begin in five minutes.
In the world of sport,
it has no equal.
Modern-day gladiators
throwing caution to the wind,
risking their very lives
for a chance at immortality.
Okay, so they're not risking their lives.
But they are skating pretty fast, and it's really cool.
It's Winterfest's ninth annual speed skating race!
Okay, is that everybody?
Well, looks like somebody got cold feet.
Let's start the race. STEVE: Wait!
Wait. Wait.
Oh-ho.
Very nice. Very nice suit.
Looks like you're smuggling a couple of chicken nuggets up there.
It's a skin suit. I raced in college.
Go, Dad!
Thank you, Carter.
Dad! Dad! He's our man! If he can't do it, nobody can! Dad!
On your mark.
Honeys! Get set!
Go!
Oh! Oh!
Finch is down!
Foul!
And he looks bad. Wait.
He's back up. He's on his feet, and he's skating fast,
but he's got a lot of ice to catch up.
Hey... Oh! And into the first turn,
it's Buddy Hall, Gustave and Gerta.
Finch really appears to be struggling as he rounds turn two
and heads for the straightaway.
Wait. Mayor Eugene Young has yet to leave the starting line.
You're going the wrong way!
Gustave and Gerta make their move on Buddy in turn number three.
And they've taken the lead!
Buddy Hall seems to be running out of gas.
The crowd urges him on, but it may not be his day.
"Wrong Way" Finch slips past Gustave and Gerta
and is really pouring it on.
Finch has got to make his move now or else.
Once again, he jumps the bale, almost taking out Buddy in the process!
And miraculously, Steve Finch has taken the lead going into the final turn!
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
Steve Finch has a huge lead!
Hi-yah! Hyah!
Nothing can stop him now!
Yeah!
Finch is sent sprawling!
Oh! The carnage! And it's Buddy Hall by a nose!
Buddy Hall wins the race! Buddy Hall is our new champion!
CROWD: Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!
BUDDY: Thank you. Thank you.
I will be back with the payment booklet
for your new car, Flash.
Yeah, fine. Fine. But the last time
I looked at the satellite pictures,
you still couldn't see your house.
Not a flicker. Not a blip!
How's that feel? Huh? Huh?
How's it feel to be invisible?
Huh?
What?
Okay, let's go over it. The L.E.D. Lights,
the grid, the wires, the shipping, the handling, everything.
The whole ball of wax. How much? Out the door.
How much?
What? I... Are you serious?
What is that, in yen?
Wait... Is that with the discount?
Can you get it here overnight?
Buddy! Buddy Hall!
Hi, honey.
This is a bad dream, right?
I'm gonna wake up, and this won't be happening.
No, no. I'm just...
I'm just gonna take a couple of these branches off,
so that we got... I'm not talking about the trees!
I'm talking about this.
What's that?
You know exactly what this is.
This is the stand to my vase.
You pawned it, didn't you? You pawned my grandmother's vase.
Well, how am I supposed to afford a camel
on a car salesman's salary?
And then I went for a loan, and if you don't have a job...
You lost your job?
Ooh.
That was a pretty awkward way for you to find that out.
But don't worry about it. I can sell anything to anybody.
Not me. Not anymore.
Oh, honey, honey, honey, things... Things are gonna get better.
When? I'm tired of waiting, Buddy,
waiting for you to find the right job, the right town.
Waiting for you to find that one true thing that makes you happy.
I think this is it!
You see, that's just the thing, Buddy.
I just thought you might wake up one day,
and see that it just might be me,
that it just might be your family.
You know what? I'm done.
Honey. Oh, come on. Don't...
These cords are... Please. Baby... No!
These cords are everywhere!
Oh, no. Honey...
WOMAN: Buddy Hall's Christmas wish is to make his house bright enough
to be visible not just from miles around,
but from space.
Oh. Um. Right.
When we heard about Mr. Hall's,
well, quest, if you will, we decided
to downlink images from his general area as often as possible.
So I can show you, if you'd like to take a look.
Right. Nothing yet.
Wow. Thank you for that.
This may be one Christmas wish even Santa can't grant.
Hi, everybody. Thanks for coming.
I'm really happy that you came tonight.
I hope you enjoy these lights, 'cause I did 'em all for you.
(CROWD MURMURS)
And for my family.
And for my wonderful neighbors across the street. Thank you.
(CHOIR HUMMING)
(LOWING)
(BLEATING)
(RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES)
(CHOIR SINGING CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(CLASSICAL CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
(HIP-HOP CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
(RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES)
(ROCK CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
(RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES)
(BLUES CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
(RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES)
(HARD ROCK CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
Tia!
Tia! Come back!
(MUSIC ENDS)
(ALL CHEERING)
If you missed anything,
this show is gonna be repeated
every night on a loop
until 4:00 A.M.
(POP CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
(SHOUTS)
I can't take it anymore.
Well, me neither, but you gotta take some of the blame.
You hear that?
Yeah.
You hear that? It's getting louder.
If he wants to play rough, I can play rough.
Steve!
Where are you going? Steve...
I hear if someone's in the market for something with a little
pop, you're the guy.
Maybe. Could be the guy.
Depends on what you're looking for.
Don't let the reindeer pajamas fool you, pal.
I'm not playing around. I'm looking to do some serious damage.
Yeah? Cool. Then you've come to the right place.
'Cause I got enough firepower back here for two wars.
I got Reapers, Crackle Dragons,
Wagon Wheels, Throbbing Copperheads.
Great. I'll take 'em all.
What's this for, man?
I'm gonna shoot them at my neighbor's house
and hopefully give him a heart attack.
Cool. In that case, you need this.
The Atomic Warlord. Wow.
MAN: Yeah.
(PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Good night, Steve.
Good night, Buddy.
(GRUNTS)
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.
You want lights, Buddy? You want lights? I'll show you lights.
STEVE: Whoo!
Oh, yeah! Yeah! How do you like that?
Yeah, sleep through that, Buddy.
Huh? Huh?
Whoo!
Yeah! How's that feel, huh?
Hey, you think they can see that from space, Buddy?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Whoo!
How does it feel to have your whole world exploding around you?
Oh, no. Oh.
Oh, gosh.
Steve? Where are you? What's happening? Honey?
(GROANS)
Ooh.
Oh, God. I really wish that hadn't happened.
Honey?
Whoo.
(GASPS)
Kelly! Kelly!
You sure you've been watering that thing? It went up awfully fast.
Are you kidding me?
Fire extinguisher.
Oh...
Yeah, yeah. Faulty Christmas lights. An under-watered tree.
What can I say? We're a cautionary tale.
So the fact that you apparently purchased
an illegal-grade military firework
and set it off in your own home
had nothing to do with it, huh?
That could have been a contributing factor.
What about this?
I've never seen that before in my life.
You're getting to be a knot in my panties, mister. A real knot.
All right, let's go!
Hey, kids. What are you...
Where you going? Huh?
Hey, Madison. Father.
What's going on? Kelly. Kelly, what are you doing?
I'm trying to salvage at least part of this Christmas for the kids.
What? What? Wait. No. You're leaving?
You're leav... Oh, come on. It's not that bad.
Most of the smoke damage
was confined to the family room.
And on the bright side, hey, you always hated that wallpaper.
Now that high-pressure hoses have completely ripped it off the walls...
We're gonna go stay in the motel with Tia and the twins.
Oh, come on, Kelly. Don't do that.
Don't let that... That jerk ruin our Christmas.
The only jerk ruining Christmas around here is you.
Me? Yeah.
Me? I'm trying to save Christmas.
Really? What is your favorite Christmas memory?
Well... Well, you know what it is.
I was seven years old. My dad and I moved to Alabama,
and on Christmas morning we woke up and sat on the kitchen floor,
ate french fries and drank chocolate milk.
Yeah. Exactly. It wasn't planned. It wasn't organized.
Nobody had to enter it into their BlackBerry. It just happened.
But our family's so busy, we have to plan things out.
No. You... You are the busy one.
You said this year our kids needed Christmas more than ever. No.
What they need more than ever is you.
Carter wanted to go Christmas shopping with you.
And he wanted to cut down that tree with you.
And Madison... Well,
Madison's a teenage girl, so she just pretty much ignored you.
But if you'd been paying attention,
you would have seen that she just wants you to know
that she's not a little girl anymore.
Yeah. Yeah, well, that's a message I got pretty clear.
You just don't get it.
Christmas traditions are born in those little
chocolate milk and french fry moments.
And you can't control it.
We don't fit in the tiny little boxes on your Christmas calendar.
Oh, don't.
(ENGINE STARTS)
What'll I eat?
Wait! Kelly, don't! Wait!
(HORN HONKS)
Whoa.
Steve.
What happened to your house? Did you have a fire?
Wait. Wait. Are you trying to tell me
you weren't even home last night?
No. No, Tia and the girls went and stayed in a motel.
I spent all night throwing little pebbles at their window to try
to get them to talk to me.
You missed the whole...
Oh, that's nothing. What is this?
That's nothing. That's just, like... Huh?
The kids probably left it out here last night.
It's just a wire that goes...
I knew it. You've been stealing my power.
Borrowing. Look, it's an extension cord. It goes both ways.
I was gonna shoot it right back to you after the holidays.
Okay, fine. Fine. You win.
You win. The skating, the lights, the trees...
You've been two steps ahead of me the whole time.
But you know what?
You're still a screwup. And that doesn't change because you...
You put some lights on the roof.
Hey, pal,
you're gonna be spending Christmas alone
just like the rest of us screwups.
How do you like that?
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(GIRL SOBBING)
Tootie!
Tootie, where are you?
Look. We're luckier than lots of families, because we're really going.
Wait till you see the fine home we're going to have,
and the loads and loads of friends we'll make, wonderful friends.
What's amazing, Tootie, is that we're all going to be together,
just like we've always been.
That's what really counts.
We could be happy anywhere as long as we're together.
(SOBBING CONTINUES)
(CLATTERING)
(SIGHS)
Um...
I see you're taking down all the lights.
Oh, you noticed.
What are you, some kind of genius?
Apparently not.
I can't do it, Buddy. I...
I can't spend Christmas without them.
Tell me about it.
This is awful. It's killing me.
I mean, you know Tia.
She's so stubborn.
She won't even talk to me.
I tried everything.
Maybe not everything.
(GAVEL BANGING)
MAN: Your Honor!
Girls, come over here. Help us decorate the tree.
Mom,
you're hanging booze from the minibar
on a branch you got out of the bumper of a car.
Pardon me for not being in the Christmas spirit.
We're trying to make the best of it, honey. Yeah.
You girls put those books down and get your butts over here.
Are you reading?
Emily Dickinson. Madison gave it to us. It's really good.
Yeah, and it's not giving me a headache or anything.
Maybe I should go to law school or something.
(SIGHS)
Hey, Mom, look!
Carter, get back here.
I'll get him. Carter, get back here, you little fart.
Mom, you won't believe this. You guys have to come.
Carter!
It's like a path! Let's see where it goes!
TIA: Oh, my...
KELLY: It's just unbelievable. What do you think, sweetie?
CARTER: Mom, look at this one! It's real cool!
KELLY: I can't believe it keeps going!
Wow!
This is amazing.
Take a picture!
I can't believe it.
KELLY: Amazing.
Carter!
Mom, all these lights...
Were Dad's lights.
STEVE: I begged you to let me do the yams.
BUDDY: I could tell right away you had no feeling for starches.
Your three-bean salad is very bad.
What did you expect me to do,
the three-bean salad and the fiesta corn?
We thought maybe you'd be hungry.
Tia, look. You thought some lights
and a TV dinner would make up for all the crap that I have...
Is that what I think it is?
We didn't have time to do a turkey.
So we made a few things from your new cookbook.
I got you this little pre-Christmas gift.
I missed you so much. Oh.
Oh, gosh. How did you afford it? How did you ever afford it?
Well, let's just say we're not gonna use
our credit cards for the rest of our lives.
You've been busy.
Kelly, I'm so sorry. It's just everything got so...
You go along thinking you're doing all the right things
for all the right reasons, and then,
one day you blow up your house.
And it occurs to you that somewhere along the way,
things got out of hand.
It just seemed like your whole life had gotten so loud,
that the only thing you were gonna hear was an empty house.
You're right.
You were right. And you were right to leave.
You were. I understand.
You all were. You were all right to leave. And I'm so glad you're back.
So I can date now?
Sailors during wartime? No.
But you are growing up, so, I guess I have to get used to that.
Mr. Hall, you took down all your lights.
Yeah. I thought it would be better.
Gee, I bet it would have worked.
Yeah, it might have. I bet they could have
seen our house from space.
We'll never know.
(HORN HONKING)
Then again, maybe you will.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
BUDDY: Whoa.
TIA: Oh, my.
Look. I... I'm sorry. Um...
You all have to go home.
There are no lights tonight.
Nope, but there will be!
Buddy, what's happening?
I don't know.
I told them Buddy was a little short on lights
and maybe they'd like to come and help out.
How many people did you call?
You have no idea how bad the eyesight is in this town.
MTV is sending someone down to do a story on Buddy's lights.
They don't know he took 'em down.
Which is why we better put 'em back up.
Well, you just gonna stand there,
or are you gonna help me do this thing?
Let's go.
WOMAN: Hi, girls!
Ooh, it's beautiful.
Thank you so much.
And keep those truck lights on too. Those are good too.
Hey, thanks for coming. That's really nice of you.
Beautiful. Good to see you.
BUDDY: Steve, you're doing an excellent job. You got a future in this.
Happy holidays, everyone. SuChin Pak coming to you live
from Cloverdale, Massachusetts
where apparently the whole town
has come out to see if Buddy Hall,
a local car salesman, can achieve the impossible.
He's put up a Christmas light display in his front yard
that can hopefully be seen from space.
Now, the folks at My Earth have been monitoring this situation live.
Guys, thanks so much for spending your holiday plans with us.
Oh, no. That's no trouble at all. Actually, it's funny.
Basil's mum stopped by with a tin of biscuits,
so we're just having a laugh.
Oh. Good... Good times. Good times.
They're gonna do it! They're gonna turn on the lights!
All right. It looks like the moment has finally arrived.
Come on. Let's do this as a family.
Come on. Put your hand on it. Ready?
SUCHIN: All right, Buddy. Everybody ready? Yeah.
On the count of three. One,
two, three!
(ALL GASPING)
(CROWD GROANING)
Oh.
People worked so hard. They're gonna be so disappointed.
Honey, I'm gonna go get some candles.
(GROANS)
Okay. All right. Okay. I need light.
(BEEPS)
(GERMAN)
WOMAN: Wanna borrow my phone?
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
O Holy Night!
(CROWD JOINS IN) The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth
Hey, Dad? Hmm?
Wouldn't it be great if we could do this every Christmas?
What do you think?
Yeah.
Yeah, we could use some new traditions around here.
Buddy, I really like this town.
Do you think maybe you could ask for your job back
and we could stay here?
Yeah, I like it too.
You do?
I'll get my job back.
(SINGING CONTINUES)
BUDDY: Hey, Steve.
I know everything got really crazy, but
I just wanted you to know that when we first met, I wasn't lying.
I really did want to be your friend.
I know you did. I should have let you.
It's Christmas. Anything can happen.
Can we start over?
Nice to meet you. I'm Steve Finch. You are?
Buddy Hall.
Merry Christmas, Buddy. You too, Steve.
Yeah. Yeah.
The night when Christ was born
O night
TIA: O Holy
Night
O night
divine!
(SOUL CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
He bloody well did it.
SUCHIN: Wait... Wait, everyone. I'm getting confirmation.
Yes. Yes.
The house is clearly visible from space!
(ALL CHEERING)
Oh, my God!
Yea!
I'm so proud of you!
You can see it from space!
(BLUES CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)
(MAN SINGING)
(MUSIC ENDS)