Thanks.
Here.
Sorry.
- That was quick. - I sat next to the wrong person.
- Really? Where? - Don't look! Don't look!
Careful of my jacket.
Will the wedding be crowded?
I don't know.
I don't think she knows anyone anymore.
She's only known this guy a year.
Is that short?
Would you marry someone you'd only known a year?
I can't say I have a lot of hope for the whole thing.
Then why are we going then?
- We're supporting her. - I thought she wasn't speaking to you.
No.
I wasn't speaking to her, but I'm over it.
I'm never getting married.
Why aren't you wearing your new shades?
I don't think I need them right now.
You begged for those glasses.
You look very cool.
I don't need them right now.
Do they know we're here?
Yes.
Are you...
Paul apologizes for not coming. She's still getting the house ready.
I'm sorry it was such short notice.
I don't care. Paul's frantic, but I don't give a shit.
And Ingrid wants me to tell you that she made us all bracelets.
No, I said we should wait.
I thought you asked me to tell them. Anyway, I got Knicks colors.
They're not Knicks colors!
It's beautiful, Ingrid.
- Where's your dad and Josh? - They might come later.
Josh's spring break is next week, and then Jim teaches through Friday.
Then he opens the house in Vermont on the weekend.
It means a lot to Pauline that you came.
Good.
Holy Jesus! Watch it, dicksack!
God!
If you're wondering about the mustache...
No, I wasn't.
I had a full beard for a while, and then when I shaved it
I left this part for last, you know, to see how it looked.
And...
It's meant to be funny.
You're so handsome.
I never thought I'd get you here.
You're arriving in the midst of a drama.
Ingrid, would you make sure Wizard's inside?
It's the Voglers.
The neighbors want us to cut down our tree.
No. That's our tree.
They think it's sick and rotting their property.
We're having the ceremony under it.
You took the swing down.
Pauline thinks this is their way of trying to be friends.
I think they resent us because we're...
I don't know what we are.
- This is my room. - Okay.
- Do you like showers or baths? - Showers. What about you?
I don't care.
Is Malcolm what you thought he'd be?
- I didn't know what to... - The mustache is temporary.
He saved it for last when he was shaving.
It's meant to be funny.
- He told me. - Yeah.
I'm sorry, with so little time to prepare,
we had to put you in Malcolm's storage room.
This was Becky's room. Poor Becky.
Poor Becky. Well, now it's a storage room.
I've just started to feel like it's our house and not my parents', you know.
Our parents.
Of course.
Sorry, it might still smell like paint.
I thought he was a musician.
Well, music's officially a hobby. He's painting now,
and writing letters to newspapers and magazines.
He's very meticulous.
He'll spend up to a week writing a response to a music review.
He's incredibly smart. Maybe too smart. I don't know. We're doing very well.
Good. I mean, you must be.
I don't know where to begin. What can I tell you?
It seems I'm pregnant, but it's really early,
so I haven't told anyone. I mean, I haven't told Malcolm or Ingrid.
- Wow. - What did you say?
I said wow.
Yeah. If it sticks. We'll see. I hope so.
Things are good.
We did a couples' seminar two months ago or so in Maine.
They give you exercises and things to do.
I know you're not convinced, but we got engaged right afterwards.
The guy who runs it, Strickland, he wrote this really interesting book,
On Loving, which I'll lend you if you want.
Okay.
But only if you'll read it.
Because I need it back. I made notes in the margins.
I may not get to it for a while.
Well, I'm not going to lend it to you if you're not going to read it.
It's gonna be very informal, by the way.
Just Mom and Becky, Malcolm's brother,
a few friends, and now you and Claude. Nothing like the first one.
Becky's coming?
- Yeah. - Could I have some...
You go.
I was just going to say could I have some white wine?
Oh, yeah. We have...
I'm really glad you changed your mind and came.
I never heard from you after I sent the invite. I even wondered if you got it.
I'm just so pleased that we're here.
Did you get it?
Yeah.
I'm sorry you were so angry.
I wasn't angry. I was disappointed.
But you see, when you say disappointed,
it puts me in a crummy situation, like I let you down.
- Well, you did, in a way. - No, I don't see it like that.
Fine. I felt betrayed. Is that word okay?
Again, you're making me the aggressor.
You were the aggressor.
Listen, let's not...
I've become a really good cook.
I can't believe you've still got all of our old records.
- Mom, can you hide this, please? - Yeah, of course.
Malcolm played with Ric Ocasek once.
Yeah, in the late '80s.
After he left The Cars. It was a solo gig.
So you're kind of famous?
No, no, believe me, I'm not. I used to want to be, but no.
Do you want to be famous?
Claude wants to be very famous.
Well, make sure you can handle rejection. I can't.
For me, expectation just turns to disappointment.
So ultimately, I'd rather not try.
Claude, ignore him.
It'll all go black for us soon enough, anyway.
When your mother moved to New York,
she used to send me books and records.
- She sent me R.E.M.'s Murmur. - And the Pixies.
And X. She was very cool, your mother.
- You only liked Top 40. - That's true. But I love R.E.M. Now.
I don't really listen to music anymore.
I was dating that guy Horace back then. Do you remember him?
Was that the guy that liked to rough you up?
No, that was our dad.
Our dad used to strip down to his skivvies and beat us with a belt.
That man had a sexual screw loose.
That's awful that stuff that happens to kids.
Malcolm was fondled by a male babysitter.
Just use that information however you want.
I'm sorry, we're with family. I figured...
I think Becky got it the worst.
Did she ever. Raped by the horse trainer.
Alan rolled over in bed and he looked at me and he said, "I can't feel my face."
It took three doctors before we knew it was Bell's Palsy.
They say a brush of wind can do it.
Feeling is slowly coming back.
We're all getting older, which is terrible.
I don't care how universal it is. I can't remember names anymore.
I have that. I blank out on certain words now, too.
The other day I couldn't remember the word for...
I've forgotten it again. The stuff in wine. What is it? Sediment. That's it.
I know that. I was talking more about
not remembering who was the bassist for Mötley Crüe.
Ingrid. Why don't you show Claude and Bruce the game trunk?
Okay.
Mick Mars.
Toby, I think you need to have Bruce diagnosed.
Margot, I don't wanna have this conversation with you.
It's vital. If you keep telling him he's like everyone else,
he's gonna wonder why he isn't. He's suffering.
He's tested very well. He does B's in school.
But that's how autism works.
One part of the brain can be fine, and then the other part is damaged.
We've had him diagnosed, Margot. Nothing was found wrong.
Did you really, though?
I'm not gonna have this conversation. I'm sorry.
I know this must be so difficult for you, but you have to...
What are you doing?
I left you a note.
Come back.
Or meet me in Vermont on Saturday.
No. No. The wedding is on Saturday.
I'm here for that. I can't pull out. How would that look?
You haven't spoken to her in years.
Well, we're speaking now. She is my closest friend, despite it all.
You were the one that kept trying to get me to call her.
Did you tell Claude what you're doing?
Jim, this guy, Malcolm,
he's exactly what you'd imagine, except I think he's clinically depressed.
He's not ugly. He's just completely unattractive.
He has no job.
Best I can make out is he's a letter writer. I don't know.
And the house looks weird to me. She's trying too hard.
It's all kind of a mess.
They took down the swing.
Hello?
You said you weren't 100% on this. You said that like a week ago.
Can I come up there?
No. I don't want to see you. I feel happier already having done it.
Please, don't tell Claude anything, please, until we've talked more.
This is happening, and you need to get your mind around that.
- Are you asleep? - Yes.
- Will you remember this? - Yeah.
I just talked to your dad.
I'm only going to tell you if you won't remember.
Okay.
Everyone finds you so funny and charming.
I always get compliments about you.
Are you having fun? Is it nice to see Pauline?
- Yeah, I really like her. - Yeah, she is crazy, though.
- In what way? - She's really berserk.
Maybe it's the hormones.
You didn't notice anything different about Pauline?
- No. - She's pregnant. She told me.
She's keeping it a secret from Malcolm and even Ingrid,
which I think is unforgivable.
Now she's gonna have to marry him.
What's she planning on doing, getting married
and not drinking champagne? Then she's just gonna be lying.
I guess she's afraid she'll miscarry. She probably will.
I think on some level, she's ambivalent about the marriage.
That's why she's not telling him.
Are you stoned, Mom?
Maybe a little.
I don't like it.
My scrotum is longer than my penis.
It's sweet how Claude looks up to me.
Margot doesn't seem as crazy as you made her out to be.
What she did to Alan and Toby tonight didn't seem crazy enough for you?
I guess that seemed pretty crazy.
Well, she cares deeply.
Yeah, she's really worried about Bruce.
This has nothing to do with Bruce. She thinks everyone is autistic.
What?
Nothing. You keep changing your position.
I'm just trying to figure out if I should agree with you or not.
Well, can't she be both? Care deeply and be crazy?
I mean, do people have to be all one thing?
- I guess not. - Well, okay then.
It is nice she came for the wedding.
She's so pretty, don't you think?
- She's attractive. - A little thin, maybe.
But it is nice she came.
Let's fuck.
Fuck it!
Claude!
I knew I could be friends with him
Good go.
Honey, you're up.
Claude, don't just whack it. Think about it before you hit.
Sorry.
Good.
Paul, what are you doing?
I'm sending Claude's ball into the bushes.
Take the extra hit.
- I don't want to do that. - It's the smarter play.
Pauline! I told you, you can't! Your feet are too small.
You took the awnings down.
Yes!
Okay.
- Well done. - Fuck you.
Come on, Claude.
Honey, you're going the wrong way.
So stupid.
Mom, I'm sorry. Jesus.
This is why I hate games. I hate what it does to me.
Wait! We're not finished yet!
Malcolm?
Have you ever noticed how Pauline sometimes can't make eye contact?
How her gaze hovers just above your head?
I think I know what you mean.
I always think that I have something in my hair.
It's not necessarily bad, Paul. It's just something that you do.
Claude, have you ever seen your mother climb a tree?
No.
We don't have much opportunity in Manhattan.
As kids, Margot climbed everything.
She could even climb that tree.
Can you do it, Mom?
- Maybe later. - No, now.
- Do it now, Margot. - Show him, Margot.
I told you.
Shit.
What's she doing now?
She's stuck.
You okay?
I got it.
You were great on the way up.
- Don't patronize me, Claude. - Come on, we're all laughing, Margot!
You're laughing in a kind way.
Claude is taking too much pleasure out of it.
- I am not. - You are.
You like to make fun of me, to see me get embarrassed.
It's mean.
- What are you doing? - I've got a fucking bug in my ear, okay?
I thought Claude could hand out programs. Ingrid wants to sing.
Do you want to read a poem or something?
You know I don't like to speak in front of people.
I'm doing this conversation at the bookstore in town on Friday.
I totally regret having said I'd do it.
You're doing a conversation?
Yeah. Just talking about my work in front of a crowd.
I would have invited you, but I thought it'd be boring.
What? Say it.
Nothing. It's just, I would come. I wanna come.
I get a kick out of it.
Just, it's weird, you know. So you're not here for my...
It's okay. I get it. When did they ask you?
A while ago. I said no, but then when I was coming here anyway,
I guess it helps sales. And so...
I see.
Did I tell you Becky got her tubes tied?
Why? Is she seeing someone? She's still obese, I assume.
I think it's symbolic.
I bet Mom paid for it.
- We should audit Mom. - I considered it in my 20s.
You know, when I was fucking everyone. You remember?
- I did my share. - Not like me.
You wanna count?
No, Margot. I don't wanna count.
What was it about Dad that had us fucking so many guys?
I think it was the only time we could really feel unselfconscious
and get out of our heads.
I don't think it was that.
I just think it was something we were good at.
Your mom thinks Bruce is gay.
No, she said he had Asperger's. It's like lesser-retarded.
- I have adult A.D.D. - You mean child A.D.D.
No. For some reason I have the adult version.
Maybe I'm retarded.
- Come on! - Come on!
- Hey! Be careful! - What?
Be careful how you pull on that child's arm.
You'll take it out of its socket.
Don't tell us how to treat our child.
I don't care how you treat your child. Just don't hurt him.
- It's a girl. - She threw a rock at me.
She's a little girl.
She knew what she was doing. There's no hitting in our family.
Do you understand?
Stay out of it, bitch.
That was the Voglers.
Jesus, Margot, what are you doing? They already hate us.
Don't you tell me what I can and can't do. That is child abuse.
Mom, she was psychotic.
Stop picking on me, everyone.
Oh, God.
It could be anyone's.
What are they gonna do to us?
They're not going to do anything, honey.
We have to cut down the tree.
You should have seen that woman's face.
Margot completely set her off.
Where are we gonna get married then?
We'll get married in the fucking driveway if we have to.
Your mom started a war.
We have to make sure we wear shoes,
because they might start throwing glass.
- Has that happened before? - I can't remember. I think so.
No, it definitely has. Now I remember.
- Where you going? - To town. I'll be back for dinner.
Come on, Margot, nobody blames you.
- Is that Dick Koosman? - Yeah. He has a house up here.
- What's he doing with Mom? - Good question.
Dick and his daughter asked us over to swim tomorrow.
We didn't invite them to the wedding.
You're not really friends.
We're friends enough that it's awkward. Maisy baby-sits for us all the time.
He's doing the interview with me in town on Friday.
Did I tell you he and I are collaborating on a screenplay?
An adaptation of one of Dick's novels.
No, I didn't even know you knew he was up here.
Is he even a good writer? Why do people care about him?
You're competitive with everyone.
It doesn't even matter if they do the same thing as you.
He's competitive with Bono.
It's true. I don't subscribe to the credo
that there's enough room for everyone to be successful.
I think there are only a few spots available,
and people like Dick Koosman and Bono are taking them up.
Malcolm, what would ever make you think that's something
to draw right now?
Sorry.
I wasn't thinking about it. Sorry, Margot.
You found it.
- Hi! - Hey, Maisy.
Thank you, Pauline.
- Hi. - How are you?
- What's up? - I don't wanna do this.
- Come on, don't be that way. - No, I'm not being that way.
I just don't feel like it.
I'm gonna go back and... I have work to do.
Dick doesn't care that you don't make any money.
Is that what you... That's not why.
I just hate swimming. I really hate it. It's disgusting to me.
My mistake was saying I would do it to begin with.
You have fun.
Fine. We'll have fun.
People always pee in the pool.
I don't think Dick and Maisy pee in their pool.
I'll bet you $500 there's pee in that pool.
To the end and back. Claude, you say go.
Okay. Go!
- How's your dad? - Good.
He and I shared a thesis advisor at Stanford. Did you know that?
No.
I was dating your mom back then. Did you know that?
No.
- Pauline wins! Mom cheated. - I did not.
You didn't touch the wall, Margot.
It doesn't matter. Lost anyway.
It was close.
Maisy, aren't you going swimming?
Claude!
Are you okay?
I got him!
It's okay, baby.
- I'm sorry I laughed about the tree. - Now we're even.
- You've got a problem. - What do you mean?
I don't like the girl,
and I don't like the way Malcolm looks at her.
Come on, it's sexy.
No, you didn't see it. I saw it. You've got a problem.
I'm not worried.
Maybe teach Claude how to swim.
He won't want to do it. It's too late.
- Are you supposed to be doing that? - No.
I liked your last story. Was it Harper's? The one about Mom.
I was very... I liked it very much.
- It wasn't really about Mom. - I thought it was.
Anyway. Why don't you want Claude to know how to swim?
I didn't say I didn't want him to. Why do you care?
It's not in his life. We're New Yorkers.
If he wants to learn when he's older, he can.
I'm curious why you're so interested in the whole thing.
I'm not. It's just as a safety thing. Forget it.
It's interesting.
This is the first time Dick has invited us over.
Are you really friends?
Well, we're neighbors. We employ Maisy.
I mean, I don't care. I just think it's interesting.
Are you excited about the talk? I'd like to come, if it's okay.
My friend Blair asked me, "What's it like to have a celebrity as a sister?"
I said I've got no problem with celebrity.
Alice Munro spoke at Bennington and was sort of a friend of mine.
- I'm not a celebrity. - Well, you're well-known.
- To a very few people. - Just accept the compliment.
I guess I didn't realize it was a compliment.
I know a girl from a lonely street
Cold as ice cream, but still as sweet
Dry your eyes, Sunday girl
Hey, I saw your guy with a different girl
Looks like he's in another world
Go on and hide, Sunday girl
She can't catch up
Singing?
A bit.
Can I make a suggestion?
You should get underarm deodorant. You kind of smell.
Better I tell you than someone else.
- I think you smell nice. You smell real. - I stink.
- It causes cancer. - Underarm deodorant?
It's got chemicals and other things which are extremely harmful.
I'm not gonna die from underarm cancer.
No, you'll get it somewhere else, like your stomach or your testicles.
- Testicles? - Don't laugh. It's a serious thing.
Who told you about this anyway?
- Maisy? - Yeah.
I hope you're not interested in that girl. I find her insufferable.
What does that mean?
It means I can't suffer her. She's loud and stupid.
And she goes on about things of which she knows nothing about.
She got into Harvard early.
Stupid people get into Harvard early all the time.
- Where did you go again? - Barnard.
I just don't think you should do anything with her.
We're just friends.
If you do, use a condom.
Where are you going?
Out with Pauline and Malcolm and Dick.
Are kids coming?
Who do we know is gay?
How do I know what gay people you know?
- Alan and Toby. - And Bruce. He's gay and Asperger's.
- I don't know if Bruce is gay. - He might be. It's very common.
- Your mom's pregnant. - No, she isn't.
- She is. - How do you know that, Claude?
She told my mom. But you can tell. She's hormonally weird.
Holy shit, Ingrid.
You're gonna have a baby sister or brother.
My mom thinks your mom is unreliable.
Who cares?
- Do you think your mom is fuckable? - I don't know.
I think she's hot, your mother. I'd do her if I was gay.
I might anyway, I mean, if she came on to me.
She won't.
I'm not gonna do anyone.
- What was that? - This is scary.
Margot used to never speak.
I remember we went on a double date in high school.
And that kid Ron asked if English was your first language.
It's true. I used to think I had some kind of brain defect.
- You thought you were aphasic. - I'm still not sure.
- Jesus, Margot. - It's very possible, Paul.
It's just, your diagnoses sometimes irk the hell out of me.
- Malcolm, will you slow down? - What?
I can drive, if you like.
Nah. You got the dinner. The driving's on me.
Well, I'll let you pay your half if you slow down.
Well, neither Pauline nor I ordered dessert.
Let it go, Malcolm.
Margot would insist on driving, if she knew how.
My license elapsed, but I know how.
It's probably for the best. I have this theory. I think, historically,
women have been held back in so many ways that when they get power
like they do behind the wheel, they can't help but abuse it.
It's akin to Hannah Arendt's Eichmann theory about
prison guards and prisoners switching roles.
- That's a charming philosophy. - Yeah, tell that one a lot.
This isn't a blanket thing. I mean, women can be great drivers too.
Said the man with the mustache he thinks he's wearing in quotes.
It's meant to be funny.
Are you doing this for her benefit or for mine?
- What the fuck? - What?
No, there they go. It's okay. I thought I lost the brakes for a second there.
- Malcolm! - What?
- Watch it! - It's fine, Margot!
You're just so incompetent.
Okay. Why don't you fucking drive yourselves home?
God.
You should go after her.
Come home with me tonight.
- I've got Claude. - Come on.
I've been trying to get you up here all year.
She's pregnant.
- Why are you putting that there? - I just wanna keep it.
I left a piece of skin in a movie theater once.
So it could watch movies all its life.
- Are you obsessed with Maisy? - No.
You're always staring at her tits.
- You have a mustache. - My mom bleaches it.
- Where are you going? - You're starting to annoy me.
What are you doing?
- I didn't think you came home. - Where would I be?
Can't Josh and Dad come to the wedding?
I've been through this. Go to bed.
Can I sleep in here?
No, honey.
We can put a pillow between us.
Okay. Just for tonight.
When you were a baby, I wouldn't let anyone else hold you.
I think that may have been a mistake.
Why was it a secret?
Because I didn't want you to get excited before it was real.
It's not really a baby yet.
In two weeks we can celebrate together, okay?
Why did you tell Margot?
Because she's my sister and I trust her.
How do you feel about it?
I don't want a sister.
I'm gonna get Wizard.
Margot told Claude something I expressly told her in confidence.
And he told Ingrid.
I'm stunned that she put me in this position. It's so fucking infuriating!
- Well, it's one of those things... - Don't say anything, okay?
You know what? Just be there for me silently.
Okay.
Why do I have to be so careful around her,
but everyone is allowed to make fun of me?
- I don't think... - Malcolm, what did I just say?
I just need you to take my side. I don't need you to make it better.
Ingrid's really upset.
Fuck! I can't believe she put me in this position.
I didn't tell you before because
I didn't want you to feel like you had to marry me.
I found out right before our seminar that I'm pregnant.
Well? Does that sound good to you?
I'm still digesting Margot telling Claude. What a fucking nut job.
Sorry. I think I'm really happy.
Ingrid! Come here, honey.
- Hey. - Hey.
I'm just looking at Pauline's incense and self-help books.
I don't understand it.
This junk makes her look stupid, and she's not.
I don't like to think of her this way.
She is such a hypocrite.
Somehow, I'm a kook for going to therapy,
yet she's got enough drugs here to medicate an elephant.
- She's always with these losers. - Malcolm's not a loser.
- Claude, think about it. - He's cool.
What makes you think he's cool?
I'm more talking about her investment in things like cults and ashrams.
- She was in a cult? - Years ago.
She and Lenny also followed some guru who was a follower of the Muktananda.
He made her drink his bath water.
Who knows what she's doing now.
Margot? Claude?
- Wizard! - Wizard!
Wizard!
- How long has he been gone? - I don't know.
Ingrid brought him in last night, but we couldn't find him this morning.
- Oh, boy. - Wizard!
Did you tell Claude I'm pregnant?
- I don't know. - You did.
- Well, I guess I said something. - You did.
You don't have to tell him everything.
He wants to know. If I don't tell him, he figures it out.
Mom, where's Wizard?
I don't know, honey.
You didn't let him out into the road or something
where something could have happened to him?
Why would you think that's something I would do? That's awful.
I didn't mean on purpose. I just meant maybe in case you knew something.
- Sorry. I'm here. - I didn't see you.
I'm just writing my vows.
Trying to do something appropriate, but also funny.
Not jokey, more character-based humor.
You having an okay time?
Yeah, besides Wizard getting out.
Yeah. We'll find him.
Or else, I don't know.
- We won't. - Right.
Or else, he's dead or something.
- It means a lot to Paul that you came. - Yeah.
That is the same toaster we had here as kids.
Paul is so weird.
I hear you've heard the news.
Yeah. Congratulations.
Pretty cool. Hard to fully take in. It's still a little abstract.
I haven't had that thing yet where you realize
that you're not the most important person in the world.
I'm anxious for that to happen.
I guess I have to thank you. I wouldn't know yet if you hadn't arrived.
You're welcome.
Of course I can't help but worry I'll pass not-so-great genes on to the kid.
I mean, in my family there's a lot of hand washing, but...
I don't have it, but my brother does.
- Are you working on anything now? - Besides the thing with Dick?
Oh, right. Yeah.
How about you?
- I'm working on some abstract... - No one fills the ice cube trays here.
- Sorry, what were you saying? - No. It's okay.
- No, what were you saying? - It really... Nothing.
- Okay. - I was saying I'm working on some
abstractions in acrylic paint, but it's not...
I'm not getting paid or anything.
I don't know. I hate that question, "What do you do?"
- You asked me. - I know, but...
I think we shouldn't mention the tree.
We should let them know there'll be people and music on Saturday,
and it'll be louder than usual.
Yeah, and they can come over for a glass of champagne,
but you tell them. I think they respond to you better.
Well, I am ultimately one of them.
You shouldn't have made me shave the 'stache.
Yeah, right.
Hey. Ingrid is asking if I was ever gay. Do you know what that's about?
No.
Hi. I'm Pauline. This is Malcolm.
We met you before. We're your neighbors.
You gonna cut that tree down?
Well, we grew up with that tree,
and we're getting married under it on Saturday.
Its roots are growing into our property. It's rotting. It's killing our plants.
We had the tree doctor out and he said it was healthy.
- Would it hurt you to say anything? - What do you want from me?
You're making me do the whole fucking thing.
- You brought up the tree. - He brought up the tree.
I'm sorry. This was better thought through back at the house.
We were wondering if you and your wife,
I'm sorry, I forgot her name, would like to come over for a glass...
You should ask her. She makes the plans.
I'm gonna go in now.
I feel like you didn't give me a chance to say what I wanted to say.
- I want to punch that guy in the nose. - You've never hit anyone.
- I have too! - Who?
Lots of people. You don't know them.
They're not around 'cause I punched them.
Don't laugh, Pauline. It's not funny. I'll punch your sister!
The threat is not out there.
It's in our house. It's sleeping in my studio.
I mean, I wouldn't actually hit her.
But I feel like doing it. She's such a fucking idiot.
She's not an idiot. You might not like her.
She is. She's an idiot! You're an idiot.
- Jesus! - You're both fucking morons.
I am so fucking... I am trying so hard.
You don't give me any credit!
- What is wrong? - I don't know.
I have the emotional version of whatever bad feng shui would be.
I don't know. You tell me. You understand this shit.
- Did you drink your teas? - Yeah, I drank my fucking teas.
Really, I think when you look back at this you're going to see
I'm not acting like a crazy person. That this is the right reaction.
In proportion with what's going on, this is right.
Let's make love.
- Jim. - Hey.
How are you?
- Dad! - Claude!
Hey.
It was a difficult decision,
because Claude has so many friends in school now.
But it's expensive, and Bronx Science is a great public school.
I didn't get into Stuyvesant.
- He's not a good test taker. - I went to Stuy.
- Really? - Really.
I'd rather stay at Packer, but it's so expensive.
Josh is a great test taker, but Claude thinks more abstractly.
- He's more creative. Right? - I guess so.
I saw the one-armed man, who really has two arms, at the bodega.
Really? Did you give him confusing change?
I did. I tripped him up with some nickels and a Canadian quarter.
You know what I tried the other day? Sitting down to pee.
Have you done this, Jim?
No.
I haven't.
It was a joke, really. I was gonna call in Pauline
and say, "Guess what I'm doing here?"
Sorry I didn't get to have that experience.
I was just thinking, you know,
my dad used to say, "Why stand when you can sit?"
And this is a really good example of that.
I mean, it took me a long time to try, 'cause I was embarrassed.
But you guys do it all the time.
I never sit in a public place. I always squat and hover.
Anyway, I recommend it. At least to try it.
Jim, I'm sorry about the room.
It's usually Malcolm's storage room. So, it's kind of makeshift right now.
It's fine.
Margot, open your gift.
I get self-conscious opening presents in front of people.
- Anyway, this weekend is about Pauline. - Pooh, Margot. Go on, open it.
Get on with it. Come on.
Those look warm.
I remember last year in Vermont you said your feet were freezing.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I already have slippers.
That's okay. Two sets are fine, right?
It makes me sad to get a present I already have.
- Why? - Makes me feel like you don't know me.
What's wrong with your ear?
I asked you not to come and you did it anyway, so blithely.
We need time alone to sort this out. You can't just run away.
Okay, we're here. I'm giving you this time.
Well...
Now you're putting too much pressure on me.
What is that?
Keep driving. Jim, Jim. No!
- I'm just seeing. - No.
Stay right there.
Please help me.
- Please. He got hit by a car. - Jim.
Jim.
- Careful. He might bite you. - I got him. I got him.
Hurry, he's dying!
He didn't do anything.
Roger's an innocent. He's an innocent creature.
- Oh, God. - Margot.
I can't stand her.
You paid, didn't you?
She didn't have her purse with her. It wasn't so expensive.
Roger's gonna live.
I don't give a fuck about Roger, and that makes me feel like shit.
You make me feel like shit.
- I wouldn't have stopped. - Of course you would have.
No, I wouldn't have.
- I hate myself when I'm with you. - Margot, I'm not...
I can't talk to you when you're this fucked up.
You're just like Claude in that way. You make me feel guilty.
Sometimes, I find you so despicable.
What's wrong?
I don't know.
Before you gave me your sweater, I don't think I realized I was cold.
Take me home and go away.
If it were someone else, I'd understand it. I'd feel sympathy even.
But since it's me, I just feel bad and horribly critical.
I haven't been able to tell Claude what's happening,
and I have to. I'm going to.
How can I be all these people? How can I be married to Jim
and fuck Dick and want them both, and then neither of them?
I know. We're at that age where we're becoming invisible to men.
If a guy wants to fuck us, that's very tempting.
What are you saying?
I'm saying if you get your sense of self from being fuckable
and that starts to wane, it's very hard.
I almost had an affair, too. But you don't have to do it.
You can, I don't know, get a manicure or something.
You know, I tell people you're my closest friend.
- I really miss you. - Me, too.
But I can't help feeling that you really came to my wedding
'cause I live a mile away from the guy you're fucking.
Come on, Pauline, you make it sound like I'm using you.
Yeah.
You've got a...
- Did I get it? - I think so.
Pauline, what are you doing getting married to this guy?
He's not good enough for you. He's so coarse.
He's like guys we rejected when we were 16.
You know, don't make a mistake like this.
I'm sorry. Maybe I have no right to say it.
But you know I'm truthful, so would you rather I lie?
Who should I be with then?
I don't know. Someone who's your equal.
You're so smart. You're brilliant. You're funny.
You're incredibly hilarious. Paul, you're a great teacher.
You're open to things. You're so beautiful.
Hey! Hey, you! You pick that up.
I will call the police. This is our property.
Creeps.
Wizard!
- What happened to your dad? - He went to Vermont.
He didn't want to come to the wedding?
I don't think he could. I think he couldn't.
- You want to see me dance? - Okay.
Wizard.
You're not watching.
- Where you going? - We have to get home.
- Is that your girlfriend? - No, she's my cousin.
- You a fruity? - No.
He's a Vogler.
- Come on. He's just a stupid boy. - Wait. I have a rock in my shoe.
Come on, Ingrid!
Liar!
Ingrid, get him off me!
You're fucking gay. You're fucking gay.
No.
Hangman's ass.
- Don't run so fast. - He bit me.
- Who bit you? - A Vogler.
Let me see.
All right. That's it. I'm calling the police.
Don't! It'll get worse. Why did you say anything to them?
What are you talking about? This isn't my fault.
That boy bit me 'cause you couldn't keep your fat mouth shut.
Claude, you're being a jerk.
You shit in your shoes and then you fuck 'em!
She wrote a story about Lenny and me.
Yeah. It's in here.
I mean, we were talking almost every day at this point,
and there was no warning.
I mean, maybe a couple of remarks that she'd used some things of ours.
And then The New Yorker comes, we have a subscription,
and there's the story.
And it's things we said and did. Stuff I told her in confidence.
I think it helped end our marriage.
I read it and I thought, "She hates me."
She doesn't hate you.
You think?
Margot tried to murder me when we were girls.
She put me on a baking sheet, sprinkled me with paprika,
and put me in the oven.
Jim was here.
Is Jim still writing?
I told him to go to Vermont without me.
I'd like to see him tell a linear story for a change.
Jim never wanted to make it easy for the reader, did he?
The nicest man I ever met, but he can't play the game.
I'm not gonna be joining him. I'm gonna stay here.
We'll see.
All right?
Okay?
I didn't ask you to do that.
That guy is pointing at us.
I'm very interested in your story "Middle Children."
The father is a loathsome character,
yet we also feel a strange sympathy for him.
Well, I was really interested in exploring a father/daughter relationship.
While he clings to her, desperately, he suffocates her really.
He also silently resents the responsibility of parenthood.
There's this sexualized push-pull with Daphne,
- which I find... - He craves isolation.
I always saw him as someone who
so over-identifies with everyone around him
that he begins to lose all sense of himself.
But you make his only recourse to abandon his family,
- including his beloved daughter. - Yes, yes, that's true.
I write historical fiction, so I don't have to answer to this,
but I wonder, for someone who writes so nakedly about family,
how autobiographical is this portrait?
My father was a loving person.
He had his days, of course, but he was devoted to us as children.
I would never have written this portrait, were it true.
But I'm interested in how the father could be, in fact, a portrait of you.
I don't...
Why do you assume that it's...
That, I mean, we all take from life.
I had to have our refrigerator repaired the other day
at our apartment in Manhattan,
and I was alone with this guy.
I think he was Puerto Rican.
He was sent over by Whirlpool,
who I think it is, makes our fridge.
Although he did say that he worked for an independent organization,
that Whirlpool subcontracts.
I think he was retarded.
There was...
There was an anger in him, and suddenly,
suddenly I became afraid for my life.
I called Jim at NYU, and I...
I asked him to come home.
I think it was Frigidaire who made our fridge.
I'm gonna need... I'm gonna need to take a moment here.
You're an asshole.
- I need to be alone right now, okay? - What's wrong?
I don't know. I'll tell you sometime. Go on.
Are you sure?
Yeah. Go with Mom. I'll see you later.
- You said Mom. - You know what I mean.
Go with Pauline.
Jesus, do I need to spell it out for you?
Go with her.
There was blood on the floor,
and it was cold, and it was snowing inside the hallway.
There was all these like weird like torture devices,
and to get out of them, you had to like torture yourself.
I wasn't so scared while it was happening.
I was more scared afterwards. It was like
I was in it and I was just spectating.
I didn't have to do any of the stuff.
I could teach you to swim if you like. We wouldn't have to tell your mom.
I don't really want to.
- I like Malcolm. - You do? Good.
I do, too. I don't know.
It's hard, I think, to find people in the world
you love more than your family.
You're your mom's favorite. Do you know that?
She's always liked you best, more than Jim even.
Has she talked to you yet?
I don't think so. About what?
You okay?
It's hard to see your mom like that, right?
Get attacked like that?
It was mean what he did. I think it was really shitty.
- I think Dick's an asshole. - Yeah.
You know,
your mom's going through a rough time right now.
And she can be scary when she's angry.
Whatever she says, like if she tells you she's leaving your father, just know,
well, she often changes her mind.
And I don't want you to worry about anything right now.
- He's cutting it down. - Good.
My dad's late to pick me up. I hope I'm not a pain.
You're not a pain, Maisy.
I told Paul I didn't want you guys to come.
I thought it was interesting.
- What did Paul say? - I think she liked it.
Yeah, right.
- Did you talk about me afterwards? - No.
- I can tell you're lying. - We didn't, Mom.
I don't trust her.
Pauline told me she's very disappointed in you.
- Why? - She thinks you laze about the house.
Ingrid's always offering to help clean and cook.
She made bracelets for all the guests. Even Malcolm puts up the tent.
You wait until everyone else does it for you.
- That's not true. - It is true.
I wish I'd taught you better manners.
I can try to make popovers, if I can remember how.
Don't bother.
Why are you looking at me like that?
I just see how much you've changed.
Your body language. You used to be rounder, more graceful.
You're so stiff now, so blasé.
I can't explain it.
It's okay though.
You're still handsome.
Are you able to do this yourself?
Pauline, do you want me to cut it down or not?
Watch the tent.
I liked how it looked on Vogler.
I think it's over between Margot and Dick. He was so cruel to her today.
And poor Claude had to watch it all.
She should just get out of the marriage,
and then she can fuck whoever she wants, you know.
And Dick Koosman...
I agree. I hate the idea of Dick fucking Margot.
What does that mean? You want to fuck Margot?
Pauline, that's not what I said.
I know you have a crush on her. You already told me that.
I didn't say that!
I said I thought she was attractive after you grilled me.
She has no interest in me anyway, not that it would matter if she did.
Have you ever done anything like that?
- What do you mean? - Have you ever cheated on me?
No! Can I do this?
Those e-mails that you have with that student of mine?
Did that...
- I know you said it was nothing. - It was.
I just... Can you say it again?
I just did. Now can I cut down the tree?
- You never did anything with her? - No.
She e-mailed me after that reading at the college,
- and, you know, we were friends. - Right.
Just a regular friendship between you and a 20-year-old girl.
Pauline, how many times do I have to say it?
But why don't I believe it?
Because Margot can't understand why you're with me,
and now when she's around, you look for things.
- You promise? - I promise.
Okay. I'm sorry.
It's okay.
- I'm gonna tell you something. - What?
- I don't want to lose you though, okay? - What?
I'm gonna tell you, just let me...
Maisy.
- I don't wanna know. - We didn't really do anything.
We were goofing around.
I was making fun of her 'cause she dates a jock.
I shouldn't have put myself in that position, I know that.
We brushed lips. Really, it was hardly a kiss.
And then we stopped. That was it.
Our tongues touched.
I don't wanna undersell it either. I mean, we made out.
I made out with her.
I don't know why. I don't even like her.
It's been a heady time.
What are you thinking? Please tell me what you're thinking.
Has anyone seen Wizard?
No. Where's Maisy?
Hi. Sorry, I had to go. I hope that's okay. I used yours.
I love your wedding dress. It's so unconventional and great.
- Is everything okay? - Nothing.
Hey, Claude, do you want to play croquet?
Okay.
There's Dick!
Dad!
Malcolm...
- Is it almost ready? - Almost.
I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything! No!
You fucking sleazebag!
Fuck off, dickhead! No! No!
- I don't ever want to see you again. - You fucking dickbag! She's lying!
Oh, man!
He looked everywhere and tried to find her
- Come with me to New York. - I can't talk about it.
Okay. But you can't marry him. I mean, you have to leave.
We can think about what to do with the baby when we get to...
- Margot, I can't. - Don't turn vague. Listen to me.
I want you to pack all your things and get out of here.
You can take our car and leave it at the ferry.
I can make popovers.
Do you love me? Good.
Don't you take this out on me. I'm on your side.
No, you're not.
I kept my mouth shut because I wanted to...
No, you haven't kept your mouth shut. No, you haven't kept your mouth shut!
Okay, I told you. And I was right. I mean, he's done an insane thing.
You don't know this man. What he did is criminal.
- Margot, I can't. - It's pedophilia.
Get out.
Becky and I talk about you, about what a monster you are.
Is it 'cause Mom gave me the house?
We've been talking about you. Becky can't stand you.
Becky says you have borderline personality disorder.
- What are you saying? - Can't I have anything?
What was I thinking? I can't have anything.
I let you in. God damn, dude! You're such an asshole!
You hate me. You're such a fucking asshole!
Get out of my fucking house! Get out!
I don't recognize you. It's like you're channeling someone.
Ingrid!
Come on.
Okay.
- It wasn't gonna fall. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Wizard!
I thought you couldn't drive.
Of course I can drive. Why does everyone say that?
I used to drive.
We have to call people and cancel.
Can I still sing?
- You do smell. - Well, I'm not wearing any deodorant.
- Shit. - What?
I don't think... No. We don't have any brakes.
- The brakes are bad. That's right. - What does that mean?
- What do you think it means? - I mean, what can we do?
Mom!
- Don't! - Shit!
I've ruined these shoes.
Mom, are you okay?
Don't look. Shit!
- Mom, what happened? - Nothing.
Did she poop in her pants?
It happens to everyone, not just babies.
It'll happen to you too, someday.
I left Mom and Becky a message.
I don't think Mom knows how to work the machine.
I can hear it flapping.
You should take care of that. It can hatch eggs.
Okay, I'm gonna tell him.
No. I don't want him to...
And I'll put him on the bus. Bye.
Sweetie, there's a bus that leaves to Vermont from town tomorrow morning.
I just talked to your dad, and he'll be there to pick you up.
- Aren't you coming? - No.
Why not?
Because I have to help out Paul and Ingrid.
Then I don't want to leave tomorrow.
There's Malcolm!
No, honey.
I can't live in that house alone.
You're gonna be fine.
Maybe I could get a place in Brooklyn, Williamsburg or something.
People are living there, right?
No, you don't want to live there. It's only young people.
But what do you think of that idea?
Maybe. Maybe. Let's see.
Listen, if you don't want to come with me,
I'm sure Mom will let you stay with her.
You're already trying to pass me off on to Mom.
Don't say that. You're coming with me.
You don't even know where you're gonna live.
You might have to move in with Mom, too.
What?
You said you were going to tell him. I'm sorry.
What have I done?
- What? - Nothing.
Just then I felt so much love for you.
Good night, Mommy.
Hey!
You cannot write about this. You can't have it.
That wasn't about you.
You already took a part of my life,
that story you wrote about Lenny and me.
- It wasn't about you. - It ruined our marriage.
Oh, God.
You can't have any more.
And that goes for Ingrid and Malcolm and Wizard.
We all own our own rights. They're not for sale.
Give it back. Give it.
If I could read your handwriting, I'm sure I'd be furious.
But if I ever see a story that involves a hotel room or any of this shit,
I will fucking take your bowels out.
You've now successfully ruined two of my marriages.
You're not wearing any underwear.
It's hot. I'm pregnant. Move over. Jesus.
You're not hot. Your feet are cold.
Stop touching me. I am so hot. Feel my head.
You got a fever.
I don't have a fever. I'm pregnant.
- Are you always like this? - Get used to it.
Mom and Becky share a bed. You and I will probably get the other.
You should just go to Vermont.
You know, I was thinking,
if you want, you and Ingrid could go to Vermont.
Keep Claude company.
Jim adores you.
You don't like Malcolm because you're not attracted to him.
- Will you do it? - No.
I won't do that for you.
Did you two talk about me today?
What did you say?
I told him you often change your mind.
I'm sorry, sweetie. There's something wrong with me.
- I'm gonna call him. - Don't do that, I'm telling you...
I need some clothes and things.
He should get the hell out of our house.
Okay, I'll tell him to get the hell out of our house.
You left it in my room.
The tent looks so lonely.
There's no one to get married in it.
I know, and it's totally smashed.
I'm such a fucking idiot. Please don't take me seriously.
I mean, take me seriously, but not the fucked-up parts, you know.
I love you so much. Please marry me.
You can't do what you did again. Do you understand?
I promise.
No matter how tempting.
I don't know. I don't know.
I ate some of the cake. I don't know why, but I did it.
Well, how was it?
Good.
Not too sweet? They sometimes make their stuff too sweet.
Maybe.
Maybe it was. I didn't even notice.
They fucked up the cake. How sad.
I miss you. I love our little baby.
I miss you.
I miss you, too. Maybe we should do another seminar.
I can't understand you, honey.
Honey, I can't understand you.
There's Nana and Aunt Becky, and they have ice cream.
They didn't get my message.
I told you, she doesn't know how to work the machine.
What, you're not coming?
I'm coming. I'm coming. What did he say?
- Mom! - Nana!
- What did he say? - Nana!
- Mom, hey. - Hey, was that Margot I saw?
- Don't look, keep walking. - Why are we going this way?
We have to get you to your bus.
Did you do something?
What do you mean, do something?
I mean, why is the wedding not happening?
Is it something that you did?
Pauline has transferred all of her stuff onto me.
I don't understand her anymore.
Why did she pick that guy? It's really berserk.
You know, she referred to me as her closest friend.
We never see one another. I mean, we're not close,
even if we wanted to be.
But was there anything real?
No. How many times do I have to say it?
Jesus, do you think that little of me?
It's good you're going. I wouldn't want to be around me, either.
Are you gonna find Pauline and Nana after I leave?
I don't know. Maybe I'll go to church.
- Are you angry at me? - No, honey, I'm not mad at you.
Everything's fine. I'm not mad at anyone.
- Can you come with me? - No. You know that.
Now we should talk about the next few months a little bit,
- and what's gonna happen. - I don't like Vermont.
Your dad is gonna be very happy to see you,
and I'm sure Josh is just dying to hang out.
Please come, Mom.
Stop it, okay? Stop it.
You used to need me to watch you when you played.
What do you mean?
When you first started playing with friends, you wouldn't do it,
unless I was watching.
You were always afraid I was gonna go out the back door.
I don't know where you thought I would go.
Our backyard didn't lead anywhere.
I masturbated last night.
While everyone was asleep, I went into the bathroom and did it.
You don't need to tell me that, sweetie.
- You've got to go. - How will you get home?
I don't know.
Maybe I'll get Dick to drive me to the...
I lost the word for a second, the train.
Come on. You always don't want to leave me,
and you always have a good time once you do.
- I think you like getting away from me. - I don't. I like hanging out with you.
They make your face look too wide.
- See you soon. - Bye, sweetie.
Say you'll see me soon.
Hey, you're acting like a baby. Go on.
Wait!
- Did you see me running out there? - Yeah.
That was a lot of running.
I'm out of breath.