COLOSSAL KEVIN O'SHEA GOES BACK TO PASS,
SEES HIS LITTLE BROTHER DANNY DOWN FIELD.
THE RUSH IS ON.
THE BALL IS IN THE AIR! THE CROWD IS GOING WILD!
DANNY CATCHES THE BALL.
HE'S AT THE 10, THE 20, THE 25.
HE COULD GO ALL THE WAY!
THE O'SHEA BROTHERS ARE ABOUT TO WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP!
AW, THERE'S A FUMBLE. DANNY GOT IT!
HEY, KEVIN, WAIT UP.
HOW MANY TOUCHDOWNS YOU GONNA THROW ME TODAY?
I'LL BET IT'S 50, MAYBE 100!
WHAT TIME IS MOM GOING TO PICK YOU UP?
SHE SAID I COULD SPEND THE ENTIRE DAY WITH YOU.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
YEAH. GREAT.
WHOO!
O.K., SPACES OR LACES?
SPACES!
COME ON, SPACES!
LACES, DADDY-O.
I'LL TAKE BUTZ.
YES! IT'S OVER!
STEIN AND RIP.
YES!
PINSKI. YES!
McKORMICK!
YEAH!
RALPHY.
YES.
MOUSE. YES!
UH, MORITTI.
YEAH!
LET'S PLAY SOME FOOTBALL!
HEY, DANNY, THE BALL.
GIVE ME.
I MUST BE BAD IF MY OWN BROTHER WON'T PICK ME.
LOOK AT IT MY WAY.
I STINK, AND YOU KNOW IT.
YOU'RE PERFECT, AND I STINK. THE END.
NO, IT'S JUST THAT I'M SO GOOD,
IT MAKES YOU LOOK BAD.
ARE YOU TRYING TO CHEER ME UP?
IT'S NOT WORKING.
SEE? I STINK AT SOMETHING, TOO.
SCORE A COUPLE TOUCHDOWNS FOR YOU!
WE KICK OFF! STAND BACK, BABY!
HI, DANNY.
HI, PATTY.
AREN'T YOU PLAYING TODAY?
NO. I'M ON THE INJURED LIST.
HEY, DANNY.
YOU SEE THAT WATER TOWER?
ONE DAY OUR NAME'S GONNA BE UP THERE
IN BIG BOLD LETTERS-- THE O'SHEA BROTHERS.
WE'RE GONNA OWN THIS TOWN,
YOU AND ME, BUDDY.
DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!
COME ON, PEOPLE! SHOW ME SOMETHING!
MOVE IT! MOVE IT!
ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S CALLED SWEAT. SHOW ME SOME!
MOVE. MOVE.
MOVE IT! MOVE IT!
COME ON, GENTLEMEN. SUCK IT UP.
FASTER. FASTER!
LOOKING GOOD, COACH.
OW!
OOH, BABY! NOW WE'RE TALKING.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY BACK UP.
MAKE ROOM.
GIVE HIM SOME AIR.
NICE POP, ICEBOX.
THANKS, UNCLE KEV.
IS HE DEAD?
HE AIN'T MOVING.
YOU KILLED HIM, ICEBOX!
HEY, RUDY. YOU O.K.?
OH, RUDY!
EW!
PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH?
ARE YOU NUTS?
IT'S STILL GOOD.
YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE
TREATING YOUR HELMET LIKE A LUNCHBOX.
WHAT IS THAT?
CHEETOS.
CRUNCHY OR PUFFED?
PUFFED.
WIMP. EVERYONE FROM HERE OVER, GO WITH COACH BUTZ.
EVERYONE FROM HERE OVER, COME WITH ME.
LET'S FIND OUT WHO'S GONNA MAKE THIS TEAM.
MY MOM MADE THAT!
SET, GO!
LET'S GO!
OH, MAN!
COME ON, MAN.
FIFTH ONE HE'S BOOTED.
HANDS LIKE FRYING PANS.
SET, GO!
WHY YOU DOING THIS TO ME, FELLAS?
I CUT YOUR NAILS, WASH YOU...
PUT GLOVES ON YOU WHEN YOU'RE COLD.
HEY, HANON, YOU EVER CATCH ANYTHING,
EVER?
CAUGHT A COLD YESTERDAY, MURPH. HERE. HAVE SOME!
GROSS!
GET OFFA ME, YOU LITTLE DORK!
SPEED...
THE DISTANCE GAINED
DIVIDED BY THE TIME OF TRAVEL.
YOU CLOWNS WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL,
YOU GOTTA MOVE. READY?
COME ON, TAD!
GO, TAD! DIG!
WHAT IS THIS, A TELETHON?
READY?
NEXT.
8.5. EXCELLENT, BRIGGS.
HOW'D I DO, COACH?
I DON'T KNOW, SON. I DON'T HAVE A SUNDIAL.
HEY, ICEBOX.
YOU LOOK LIKE A BOY
AND PLAY LIKE A BOY.
DO YOU PEE STANDING UP?
WHEN SHE'S HOT TO TROT, SHE'S STILL GOTTA SQUAT.
GET HIM BEFORE SHE PULLS HIS HEAD OFF.
I CAN'T BREATHE!
LET ME GO.
BECKY!
LET HIM GO.
LET HIM UP!
LET HIM GO!
YOU'RE LUCKY MY DAD SHOWED UP.
HI, DANNY.
HI.
HEY, GUYS.
HI, DAN.
GUESS WHAT, UNCLE DAN.
I GOT THE WHOLE HEADLOCK THING ON TAPE.
HERE. WANNA SEE?
NO, THAT'S O.K. THANKS.
HOW'S SHE DOING?
SHE'S THE BEST ONE OUT THERE.
YOU KNOW,
TODAY I'M REMINDED OF WHAT A LUCKY GUY I AM.
LUCKY TO HAVE BEEN BORN AN O'SHEA.
LUCKY TO HAVE BEEN BORN IN THIS GREAT TOWN.
AND LUCKY TO HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH ABILITIES THAT ALLOW ME
TO BRING SOMETHING BACK HERE TO URBANIA.
MY TOWN.
LITTLE THINGS LIKE...
THREE HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPIONSHIPS.
THREE HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPIONSHIPS...
A NATIONAL COLLEGIATE CHAMPIONSHIP.
A NATIONAL COLLEGIATE TITLE...
AN ALL-AMERICAN TITLE.
NOT TO MENTION... NOT TO MENTION...
A HEISMAN TROPHY.
WOOF! WOOF!
TODAY I'M EVEN MORE LUCKY
'CAUSE THERE'S ONE MORE THING
I CAN BRING BACK TO THIS TOWN--
A PEE-WEE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP!
YEAH! WHOO! YEAH! WHOO-HOO!
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
NOW...
WHEN YOU HEAR YOUR NAME CALLED,
GO OVER TO COACH BUTZ AND PICK UP YOUR JERSEY.
THOSE JERSEYS ARE SO COOL.
DIBS ON MONTANA'S NUMBER.
I'M GETTING MICHAEL IRVIN'S NUMBER, THE BIG 8-8.
I JUST WANT ONE OF THOSE SHIRTS.
BRIGGS!
GO, BRIGGS! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
PATTERSON!
YES!
HOFFS!
LEWIS!
YEAH!
BOOKMAN!
GRABELSKI!
RIVERA!
SCANLON!
SCANLON, MY MAN!
PARKHURST!
WALKER!
LINDEMANN!
BEAUREGARD!
YEAH, GREAT!
GIBBS!
GREESON!
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
THE BACKBONE OF THIS TEAM...
SHAWN MURPHY!
YES! I KNEW IT, BECKY! WHOO!
YES! THANK YOU!
WHOO! I KNEW IT!
WHOO!
NOW...
FOR THE REST OF YOU...
I'D LIKE TO SAY--
WELL, I'D JUST--
I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR TRYING OUT.
AND I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER--
HEY,
THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR.
HUH?
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO.
O.K.
WELL...
I THINK THIS REALLY SUCKS.
THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN LEARN FROM THIS, IS THERE?
YEAH. NEVER TRY OUT FOR ANYTHING AGAIN.
TAKE HER EASY, COACH.
HEY, ROSS.
KEVIN!
WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING?
PUTTING TOGETHER A CHAMPIONSHIP FOOTBALL TEAM, LITTLE BROTHER.
DID YOU SEE THE FACES ON THOSE OTHER KIDS?
FOOTBALL ISN'T FACES. IT'S SPEED, TALENT.
I ONLY GOT THREE WEEKS TO PUT THIS TOGETHER.
I CAN'T WASTE TIME WITH...
LOSERS.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU,
VINCE LOMBARDI?
THIS IS PEE-WEE FOOTBALL, KEVIN.
EVERY KID SHOULD HAVE A CHANCE TO PLAY.
NOT ON THIS TEAM.
AND BECKY'S BETTER THAN HALF OF THOSE BOYS.
DANNY, LISTEN, ICEBOX IS A GIRL.
MAYBE IF YOU STARTED TREATING HER LIKE A GIRL--
DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY DAUGHTER.
DON'T TELL ME HOW TO PICK MY SQUAD.
WAY TO GO, KEVIN. YOU HURT THEIR FEELINGS.
DANNY...
WE BOTH KNOW THOSE KIDS CAN'T CUT IT.
SHOULD I LIE TO THEM? BUILD UP THEIR HOPES?
TRUST ME, IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.
YOU'LL THANK ME TOMORROW.
I KNEW YOU'D SEE IT MY WAY.
HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.
GOD BLESS FAMILY,
FRIENDS,
FLOWERS,
NICKELODEON,
ALL THE LITTLE KITTIES,
PEZ...
MR. LORENZO, THE SCHOOL JANITOR.
HIS EARS ARE SO HAIRY.
HE'S AN UNFORTUNATE MAN, PRISCILLA.
AND GOD BLESS DADDY'S FAVORITE SPORT, FOOTBALL.
AMEN, BABY. AMEN.
DIG IN.
I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DIDN'T PICK BECKY.
YES, YOU DO, KAREN.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH, KEVIN.
SHE'S YOUR NIECE AND ONE OF THE BEST PLAYERS OUT THERE.
AND SHE CAN MAKE BOYS CRY.
HONEY, SHE'S A GIRL.
GIRLS CAN RUN COUNTRIES,
THEY CAN SIT ON THE SUPREME COURT,
THEY CAN DISCOVER RADIUM,
BUT THEY CAN'T PLAY PEE-WEE FOOTBALL.
CORRECT.
OH, KEVIN.
O.K., MAYBE I WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR,
WAS A LITTLE...
PIGHEADED?
ALL RIGHT. CHAUVINISTIC, MAYBE.
YOU'VE PROVED YOUR POINT.
AND I THINK BECKY SHOULD BE INVOLVED WITH THE TEAM.
OR ANY GIRL WHO WANTS TO BE. DEBBIE--
CALL YOUR FRIENDS. TELL THEM I NEED SPIRIT.
I NEED POM-POMS. I NEED CHEERLEADERS!
YES!
I HATE NOT BEING PICKED.
HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE PUT MUD TIRES ON THE GO
I DON'T WANT TO.
FORGET THE TIRES.
HOW ABOUT IF WE GO CAMPING IN THE WOODS,
MAKE MOOSE SOUNDS?
NAH.
AH, FORGET THE MOOSE SOUNDS.
LISTEN, BECK,
REMEMBER WHEN MOM SAID
THAT SHE WAS GOING TO HAVE TO DO
WHAT WAS BEST FOR HER?
WHEN SHE CHOSE TO LEAVE US,
SHE WAS KIND OF MAKING A CHOICE FOR US, TOO.
I MEAN, IN A WAY,
IT GAVE US A CHANCE TO GET REAL CLOSE.
WHEN UNCLE KEVIN DIDN'T PICK YOU FOR THE TEAM,
IT WAS THE SAME THING.
HE FREED YOU UP TO BE PICKED FOR SOMETHING ELSE
OR TO DO SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT
WHERE YOU COULD DO THE PICKING.
DAD, I JUST WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL.
HEY, SWEETIE, IF I HAD A FOOTBALL TEAM,
I'D PICK YOU.
WE NEVER GET PICKED FOR ANYTHING.
LIFE STINKS.
YEAH, THERE GOES MY SHOT AT THE PROS.
NOW I'LL HAVE TO BE A SENATOR.
HERE'S A KISS FOR MURPHY
AND FOR PATTERSON AND BRIGGS, TOO.
HA HA HA HA!
WHOO!
OHH! UGH!
DAMN, ZOLFART.
WHAT ROAD KILL DID YOUR MOM FEED YOU?
FREE-RANGE SKUNK.
THIS IS A PRIVATE ESTABLISHMENT, GENTLEMEN.
YEAH. SCRAM!
PLEASE?
I'M HURT.
I'M REALLY HURT.
WE CAME BY TO TELL YOU
HOW INCREDIBLY SORRY WE ARE
THAT YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE TEAM.
NOT! NOT! NOT!
YOW!
THE ICEBOX! THE ICEBOX!
LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
AAH!
WHO--AH! UH! UH!
UH! AAH!
AAH!
SURE. BIG SHOT IN THE GO-CART.
I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO GET YOU BACK ON THE FIELD.
YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE.
YEAH, SURE. REMEMBER, YOU AND YOUR SPAZ PATROL
DIDN'T MAKE THE TEAM.
I GOT A LITTLE NEWS FLASH FOR YOU.
WE STARTED OUR OWN TEAM,
AND WE'RE GOING TO KICK YOUR LITTLE COWBOY BUTTS.
IF YOU GOT A TEAM, WHO'S YOUR COACH?
MY DAD.
HA HA HA HA! YOUR DAD?
HA HA HA HA!
UH!
THERE'S A FEW TIMES IN A MAN'S LIFE
WHEN HE CAN HOWL AT THE MOON--
WHEN HE GETS MARRIED,
WHEN HE SCORES THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN,
AND WHEN HE BUYS HIS FIRST CHEVY. CONGRATULATIONS.
THANKS, MR. O'SHEA.
BUTZ.
HAROLD, I'M GOING TO LUNCH. YOU WANT TO SURPRISE ME?
YEAH.
SELL A CAR.
O.K. SURE.
WE'RE DOWN BY SIX POINTS.
IT'S THIRD AND GOAL, TWO SECONDS LEFT.
I'VE BEEN HIT SO MANY TIMES,
I CAN'T EVEN SEE STRAIGHT.
I'M SO BRUISED, I LOOK LIKE A CODE BLUE.
TWO SECONDS?
COULD HAVE SWORN IT WAS THREE.
FOUR.
IT WAS TWO SECONDS.
NOW THE CROWD IN THE STADIUM IS GOING NUTS.
ALL EYES ARE ON ME.
HOWDY, GENTS.
ALREADY VOTED, MAYOR.
O'SHEA, I GOT MY TAIL IN A TRAP.
WE GOT TO TALK.
EXCUSE ME, BOYS.
LITTLE PEE-WEE BUSINESS.
FOUR SECONDS.
THE HELL WITH THE TIME.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS.
I'M, UH,
FEELING KIND OF FOOLISH, SON.
MAYBE IT'S THE TIE.
NEVER MIND THE TIE.
NOW, WE GOT A TURD IN THE PUNCH BOWL.
I GOT URBANIA INTO THE POP WARNER LEAGUE
BY TELLING EVERYBODY THAT THE GREAT KEVIN O'SHEA
WAS GOING TO COACH OUR BOYS.
I JUST GOT A PHONE CALL.
SEEMS THERE'S TWO TEAMS IN THIS TOWN.
WHO'S COACHING THE OTHER ONE?
HEY, FELLAS.
MORNING, LOUISE.
HOW YOU DOING, CHAMP?
DAD, I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I TOOK YOUR ADVICE.
WE'RE FORMING OUR OWN FOOTBALL TEAM.
LOVE YOU A LOT.
YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT?
WHERE DO YOU COME OFF
TRYING TO PUT TOGETHER ANOTHER TEAM?
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN COACH FOOTBALL?
KEVIN, I JUST HEARD ABOUT THIS--
DANNY, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
YOU CAN'T COACH FOOTBALL.
HELL, YOU COULDN'T EVEN PLAY FOOTBALL.
WHOSE FAULT WAS THAT?
WASN'T MINE. DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
WHO SAID LIFE WAS FAIR?
SOME OF US RUN FOR TOUCHDOWNS,
SOME RUN THE CLASS PROJECTOR.
I RAN THE CLASS PROJECTOR.
I'M SURE YOU WERE GREAT.
DANNY, GUYS LIKE YOU AND KIDS LIKE THAT--
THEY CAN'T HELP IT THEY'RE NO GOOD,
BUT THEY LEARN THINGS.
I MEAN, THEY INVENT THINGS.
THEY WIN NOBEL PRIZES.
EINSTEIN
DID ANYBODY CARE? NO.
DANNY, LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME. DANNY.
THESE THING THAT YOU DO WITH THE KIDS--
I THINK THEY'RE GREAT. I THINK THEY'RE ADMIRABLE.
YOU WANT TO START A CHESS CLUB,
A LITTLE NATURE WALK CLASS-- THIS IS FINE.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT--
IT'S O.K. WITH YOU IF I DO SOMETHING WITH THE KIDS?
SURE.
BUT NOT FOOTBALL.
EXACTLY.
I KNEW YOU'D SEE IT MY WAY.
NO, I DON'T.
I DON'T SEE IT YOUR WAY.
I'VE REALLY NEVER SEEN IT YOUR WAY.
I HATE YOUR WAY.
WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?
YOU'VE GOTTEN INTO ME,
AND I'M SICK OF IT.
WE'RE FORMING OUR OWN TEAM.
LEAGUE RULES CLEARLY STATE ONE TOWN, ONE TEAM.
CAN'T HAVE TWO TEAMS.
LET'S HAVE A PLAY-OFF.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, WILBUR.
HOW ABOUT IT, FELLAS?
HOW ABOUT IT?
TWO SATURDAYS FROM TODAY. MEET ME AT HALF COURT.
IT'S THE 50-YARD LINE, DAD.
DANNY.
YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
WE JUST WANT TO PLAY.
WHOO! YEAH!
WHERE ARE WE GOING TO FIND ANYBODY FOR THE TEAM?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT WAS GOOD, NOT LIKE IN BASKETBALL--
WHOA. WHOA.
NOTHING BUT GLASS.
YOU WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL?
MR. O'SHEA, I HAVE AN AVERSION TO PAIN AND SUFFERING.
NUBIE, I'M NOT EVEN TALKING
ABOUT SETTING FOOT ON THE FIELD.
I NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP ME COME UP WITH SOME PLAYS.
WHAT KIND OF PLAYS?
CREATIVE PLAYS.
ANYTHING GOES?
USE YOUR IMAGINATION.
I'M IN.
YOU EVER PLAYED FOOTBALL? NO.
DO YOU LIKE FOOTBALL?
YOU WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL? NO.
GREAT. YOU CAN BE ON OUR TEAM.
YES, THAT'S RIGHT, FLIGHT 45.
DAD!
I'LL SEE YOU TUESDAY, SON.
YEAH. THE FLIGHT GETS IN AT 9:00.
WHAT ABOUT HIM?
HEY!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY.
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
LOOK AT THIS!
O.K. THERE'S MORE STUFF OVER HERE. GIVE ME A HAND.
ALL RIGHT. CAREFUL.
SOME OF THESE ARE ANTIQUES.
TIMMY, I'M NOT SURE, BUT I DON'T THINK THAT GOES THERE.
GUYS, A LOT OF THIS EQUIPMENT
HAS BEEN USED BEFORE.
AAH!
IT'S A MOM!
EXCUSE ME, COACH.
HI, MR. O'SHEA. I'M CHERYL BERMAN.
I'M SORRY JAKE'S SO LATE,
BUT I TOOK HIM TO SEE DR. HARDING.
HE SNEEZED AND HAD ME WORRIED SICK.
YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAUTIOUS.
WE NEVER THOUGHT WE'D HAVE CHILDREN AFTER TRYING FOR 13 YEARS.
IT WAS ME.
WHEN I FINALLY GOT PREGNANT,
THE DOCTOR ORDERED ME OFF TO BED--
NINE MISERABLE MONTHS ON MY BACK.
AND THE BIRTH-- GOD ONLY KNOWS THE PAIN.
HE WEIGHED ONLY 1 POUND, 11 OUNCES.
HE SPENT HIS FIRST SIX WEEKS IN AN INCUBATOR,
AND I THINK FOOTBALL IS JUST THE MEDICINE FOR HIM.
MY SHRINK TOLD HER I GOT TO GET OUT MORE.
I THINK HE'S GOING TO BE FINE.
OH, O.K.
COOL.
THANKS. I NEEDED THAT.
LET'S KICK SOME BUTT.
* I DON'T KNOW, BUT I BEEN TOLD *
* BUTZ'S BUTT IS GREEN WITH MOLD *
* YOU SAY THANK YOU, I SAY PLEASE *
* KEVIN SITS DOWN WHEN HE PEES *
LOOKIN' GOOD. REAL GOOD.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S STRETCH IT OUT.
AAH!
WHOA!
AAH!
NO!
AAH! AAH!
HE THROWS! IT'S UP!
YEAH! TOUCHDOWN!
WHAT A THROW!
WHAT A FIND!
WHAT A HUNK!
WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT AM I SAYING?
I'M THE ICEBOX.
THE ICEBOX DOESN'T LIKE BOYS.
'CEPT FOR THAT ONE.
HEY, BUDDY!
CATCH THIS!
GOOD CATCH!
NICE ARM!
JUNIOR FLOYD. I'M HANON.
ZOLTECK. WHAT'S UP?
I'M TAD.
COOL.
YOU WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL?
YEAH. LET'S SEE THAT ARM AGAIN.
WHERE IS HE?
HEY, YOU!
UH... HI.
DAD, DON'T TELL JOKES.
YOU CAN'T TELL JOKES. YOU NEVER COULD TELL JOKES.
RELAX. I'M GOING TO ASK HIS MOTHER IF HE CAN PLAY FOOTBALL.
I CAN'T GO IN THERE! I'D LOOK LIKE A GEEK.
THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU.
YOU GOT A CRUSH ON THIS GUY?
I'M THE ICEBOX. I DON'T GET CRUSHES.
OH, MY GOD! THERE HE IS!
HE IS SO CUTE!
RELAX.
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME HIS MOTHER WAS PATTY FLOYD.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
WHEN I WAS A KID, I KINDA HAD--
GET A GRIP! YOU GET A GRIP!
ONE OF US HAS TO KNOCK ON THAT DOOR!
YEAH, YOU! YOU DO IT!
NO, YOU DO IT!
HEY!
YOU TRAITOR!
HI. CAN I--
DANNY?
HI.
DANNY O'SHEA, HOW ARE YOU?
FINE. REALLY GOOD.
WELL, COME ON IN.
SURE.
READY...
GO!
MAN! WHAT AN ARM!
READY... GO!
YAY! YAY! YAY!
O.K., HANON, NICE TRY.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, LET'S GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT.
USE YOUR HANDS.
READY... GO!
OH, GOOD CATCH, GUYS. GOOD CATCH.
MY MOM SAYS THE PADS YOU GAVE ME WEREN'T ENOUGH.
HEY, THIS IS GREAT!
I DON'T FEEL A--
JAKE?
JAKE
HE WILL NEVER DO IT.
THEY'LL NEVER DO IT. THEY'VE DONE IT ALREADY.
MAKE YOU A BET?
IF THESE BOYS DON'T WIN,
I SWEEP OUT THE SHOP FOR THREE WEEKS.
IT'S GOING TO BE A LANDSLIDE.
IF THEY DON'T WIN,
I'LL SWEEP IT OUT FOR A MONTH.
GOOD. YOU GOT WITNESSES, YOU UNDERSTAND?
YEAH. YOU REMEMBER THIS.
O.K. STAND LIKE THIS. COME ON, COME ON.
IT'S A HUDDLE, GUYS. HUDDLE. LATIN FOR ROUND.
ALL RIGHT. THERE YOU GO.
NOW, COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY.
I SIGNAL THE QUARTERBACK WITH THE PLAY.
HE RELATES IT TO YOU IN THE HUDDLE,
THEN WE TRY IT. LET'S DO IT.
O.K. CURL OUT TO THE FULLBACK ON 2.
HEY, HOW COME YOU NEVER CALL A PLAY FOR ME?
YOU'RE A TACKLE, DIP HEAD.
NOBODY CALLS ME A DIP HEAD EXCEPT MY SISTER.
HEY, GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, GUYS,
WAIT, WAIT. GUYS,
I'LL RUN THE BALL.
YOU ALWAYS RUN THE BALL.
WHY CAN'T I RUN THE BALL?
BECAUSE YOU'RE SLOW AND NO ONE LIKES YOU.
SAYS WHO?
EVERYBODY SAYS.
I CALL THE PLAY.
WHY CAN'T I RUN THE BALL?
YOU CAN'T GO TO MY BIRTHDAY.
SO WHAT?
HEY! WHY DON'T I GET TO PLAY?
O.K. THAT WAS GOOD FOR A FIRST TIME.
READY... GO.
NICE PASS. NICE CATCH.
JUNIOR.
READY...
GO.
YES!
ALL RIGHT!
VERY NICE. O.K., GUYS,
FROM NOW ON, WE'LL PLAY WITH THIS.
PUT THIS IN THE BATHROOM.
GOOD JOB, ICEBOX.
THANKS.
ANY TIME.
I'LL GET THE QUARTERBACK.
HUT 1!
HUT 2!
I GOT YOU!
O.K., ICEBOX. YOU CAN GET OFF ME.
SORRY.
GENTLEMEN, THAT IS YOUR OPPONENT.
YOU MUST DEFEAT HER AT ALL COSTS.
PATTERSON, BECKY IS ALL THEY'VE GOT.
I WANT YOU TO HIT HER LOW AND HARD.
GET IN YOUR POSITION.
HEAD UP, BUTT DOWN.
STICK AND DRIVE.
SET. GO!
OH...
SON, IT'S A COUCH CUSHION.
IT'S A COUCH CUSHION, SON.
I WANT YOU TO WRAP YOUR ARMS
AND DRIVE THROUGH IT. WRAP AND DRIVE.
STAND BACK.
GO, COACH! COME ON, COACH!
PRISCILLA, SHOOT THIS, HONEY.
GO FOR IT, DADDY.
BRIGGS...
COUNT IT OFF.
OH...
READY...
SET.
GO!
KEVIN!
AAH!
OOF!
OH... DOCTOR.
COACH!
DADDY!
OH...
THAT'S RIGHT, SPORTS FANS,
IF THERE'S GOING TO BE PEE WEE FOOTBALL IN URBANIA,
EVERYBODY'S GOING TO PLAY.
BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE LITTLE GIANTS!
SHE'S TOUGH. SHE'S BAD.
SHE'S BECKY "THE ICEBOX" O'SHEA.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR RAD TAD SIMPSON.
RUDY ZOLTECK,
YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDLY GAS MAN.
GAS MAN? I DON'T GET IT.
THINK ABOUT IT.
HERE'S RASHID "HOT HANDS" HANON.
SAY HELLO TO TIMMY "I WANT TO SCORE" MOORE.
THANKS FOR COMING. SO LONG.
THAT WAS GREAT, COACH.
I WANT A COPY OF THAT.
JOHNNY, THOUGHT I'D HAVE A CHANCE
TO MEET YOUR DAD TONIGHT.
HE'S GOT BUSINESS AND STUFF.
SEE YOU, COACH.
I'LL SEE YOU.
BYE.
WELL, THE DIP SUCKED.
BUT BOTTOM LINE, YOU'RE O.K., COACH.
THANKS, JUNIOR.
DO YOU THINK YOU'D HAVE TIME
TO GET ME YOUR BROTHER'S AUTOGRAPH?
OH, LET'S GO.
DANNY, THIS WAS SUCH A BLAST.
AH, IT WAS NOTHING.
YOU'RE AMAZING WITH THOSE KIDS.
ALL THAT TIME I KNEW YOU,
I HAD NO IDEA YOU'D BE LIKE THIS.
WELL, I WAS 11.
YEAH.
I GUESS I'VE CHANGED.
WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
HAVE I CHANGED?
WELL, YOU'RE TALLER,
AND YOU HAVE YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE.
AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,
YOUR FACE IS EXACTLY AS I REMEMBER IT.
COME ON, MOM!
GOOD NIGHT, DANNY.
SEE YOU, COACH.
GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.
SLEEP TIGHTLY.
TIGHT.
DUMB.
O.K. LET'S CLEAN IT UP.
THERE HE GOES! HA HA HA!
OH, MY GOD. I LOVE THIS.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO WATCH THIS?
IT'S MAKING ME NAUSEOUS.
YOU KILL ME!
MOM, COME ON. LET'S CALM DOWN. LET'S CALM DOWN!
I WAS ONLY TRYING TO MAKE A POINT
THAT BECKY'S ALL THEY'VE GOT.
OH, DAD.
TO WIN, WE'VE GOT TO NEUTRALIZE HER.
WAIT. WAIT, WAIT. WHAT ABOUT JUNIOR?
WHO?
HUT-1! HUT-2! HUT-3!
LOOK AT THE CANNON ON THAT KID.
HE'S PLAYING FOR THE WRONG TEAM.
HUT-1! HUT-2! HUT-3!
YEAH!
THAT'S THE WAY. COME ON BACK.
THAT'S GOOD, JOHNNY. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.
SPIES.
WHERE?
IN THE WEEDS.
SOMEBODY'S A LITTLE SCARED, HUH?
O.K., GUYS. TAKE A LITTLE BREAK.
THEN WE'LL START RUNNING THE SUPER-SECRET PLAY.
I'M JUST GOING TO GET THE DIAGRAM.
COACH, THEY'RE GOING TO DO THE SUPER-SECRET PLAY.
STATE POLICE? OH, THANK GOD.
THIS IS THELMA MAY ROGERS.
I'M 86 YEARS OLD. I LIVE IN URBANIA.
THERE ARE TWO MEN
DOWN THE BRIDGE FROM THE SHELL STATION
SPYING ON SOME KIDS.
WE'RE ALL SO UPSET.
I DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHT
FOR MEN THEIR AGE PARADING AROUND IN THEIR UNDERWEAR.
PLEASE HURRY.
OH!
NICE GOING.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
THEY GOT THE GUARDS IN THE BACKFIELD.
THEY GOT THE CENTER TO THE RIGHT, AND--
AND THE QUARTERBACK ISN'T EVEN THERE.
THEY'RE STANDING AROUND, BUTZ.
OH, YEAH.
FREEZE!
I'M ON A ROLL, HUH?
YOUR SANDWICH, O DANGEROUS ONE.
FUNNY. LAST NIGHT I GO OUT THE WINDOW.
TODAY I'M ARRESTED,
HANDCUFFED, HUMILIATED.
MY OWN BROTHER.
IMAGINE HOW I FEEL MARRIED TO A PEEPING TOM.
THAT WAS A BRILLIANT MOVE--
CALLING THE STATE COPS
INSTEAD OF THE LOCAL COPS.
I DIDN'T THINK DANNY HAD IT IN HIM.
I'LL GET HIM BACK, THOUGH.
THIS COULD HAVE ALL BEEN AVOIDED
IF YOU'D FORMED ONE TEAM.
THE PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN
EXPECT KEVIN O'SHEA TO WIN.
NOBODY BUYS A CHEVY FROM A LOSER.
HONEY, THIS IS PEE WEE FOOTBALL, REMEMBER?
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
ALL THE FUN IS GONE NOW.
SEE, NOW... IT'S WAR.
COME ON. LET'S GO. KEEP MOVING.
COME ON. COME ON. MAKE THE CUT.
COME ON. PROTECT THE BALL.
GOOD. GOOD.
LIFT THEM. LIFT THOSE LEGS.
ATTA BOY.
DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE! COME ON!
UNLOAD IN THIS THING!
VERY NICE. LOOKING GOOD, LOOKING GOOD.
THAT'S RIGHT, GUYS. MAKE 'EM POP.
YES!
YEAH!
JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! JAKE!
WHOA!
UH-OH. UH-OH.
* WORKIN' AT THE CAR WASH *
* WORKIN' AT THE CAR WASH, YEAH *
* COME ON AND SING IT WITH ME *
* CAR WASH *
HEY!
PUT THE TOP UP
IF YOU WANT IT WASHED.
I DIDN'T COME FOR A CAR WASH.
YOU'RE WASTING OUR TIME WITH THIS GAME.
WE SHOULD BE CONCENTRATING ON SUTTERVILLE.
YOU DON'T BELONG ON THE SAME FIELD AS YOUR BROTHER.
$1.00 FOR THE WASH, BUTZ.
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF
WITH THEM LITTLE DIRT BALLS.
IF I WAS A MAMA HEN
AND THEY WAS MY CHICKS,
I'D LEAD THEM TO WATER AND LET THEM DROWN.
IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME,
YOU'RE THE TENTH CAR THAT'S COME IN HERE.
YOU'RE ENTITLED TO A FREE WASH.
O.K., GUYS, WASH IT.
* WORKIN' AT THE CAR WASH *
* TALKIN' ABOUT THE CAR WASH *
* CAR WASH, YEAH *
* COME ON, Y'ALL, LET'S SING IT WITH ME *
* CAR WASH *
* SING IT WITH FEELING, Y'ALL *
* CAR WASH, YEAH *
* WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA *
* CAR WASH *
OH!
HEY, JUNIOR.
* CAR WASH *
* WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA *
* TALKIN' ABOUT THE CAR WASH *
* COME ON, Y'ALL *
TRUCE.
AAH!
NO!
* CAR WASH, YEAH *
AH-CHOO!
HEY, DAN, WE'RE NEXT.
HEY, UNCLE DAN.
HI, DEB.
HI, JUNIOR.
HEY, BECKY, CHECK IT OUT.
MOM GOT US UNIFORMS FOR THE GAME.
COOL.
I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU,
IN THE HUDDLE WITH JUNIOR FLOYD!
EVEN 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS THINK HE'S A FOX.
YEAH, WELL I REALLY DON'T NOTICE.
WELL, SEE YOU.
YEAH.
HEY, HI, JUNIOR.
WHAT'S UP?
I'M GOING TO BE AT THE GAME SATURDAY.
HEY, ICEBOX, MAYBE YOU SHOULD BECOME A CHEERLEADER.
BUBBLES AND STUFF.
HEY.
AAH!
HA HA! JUNIOR!
HA HA HA!
HEY! DON'T!
THERE YOU GO.
GIVE ME A "J,"
GIVE ME A "U,"
GIVE ME A "N--"
BECKY!
I GOT AN IDEA FOR A NEW DEFENSE.
I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT THIS MONSTER BACK THING.
YOU RUN AROUND THE FIELD CAUSING GREAT DESTRUCTION.
ARE YOU WEARING LIPSTICK?
UH...
NO...
IT'S A CHERRY TOOTSIE POP.
OH.
HA HA HA HA.
O'SHEA CHEVROLET.
I GOT A HOT TIP FOR YOU.
HA HA HA HA.
BUTZ!
GO AHEAD, ORVILLE, I'M LISTENING.
THERE'S A NEW FAMILY IN TOWN. CAPICE?
THEY GOT A TOUGH 10-YEAR-OLD. HE'S A MONSTER.
I'M TALKING REAL BIG.
OH, YEAH, HOW BIG?
PUT IT THIS WAY--
IF HE WAS A TROUT, YOU WOULDN'T THROW HIM BACK.
THANKS A LOT, BUDDY. I OWE YOU ONE.
THANKS.
HA HA HA. HA HA HA.
HI, BIG JIM.
HEY, THERE, KEVIN.
KEV, WHERE YOU GOING?
JUST OUT FOR A LITTLE SPIN, DANNY.
WHAT'S WITH THE GO
AW, BECKY ASKED ME TO CHECK THE COMPRESSION.
YOU FOLLOWING ME?
NO.
YOU FOLLOWING ME?
NO.
ARE YOU LYING TO ME?
NO.
HE'S MINE, DANNY! DAMN IT!
HERE THEY COME! DANNY'S IN THE GO-CART.
THIS WHOLE TOWN MAY LOVE YOU,
BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW SICK YOU ARE.
I TREATED YOU LIKE A PRINCE.
YOU IGNORED ME!
I TOOK YOU TO SEE THE CLEVELAND INDIANS.
YOU LEFT ME IN THE STADIUM.
DAMN IT!
OHH!
EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU, UH...
HEY, DON'T TELL ME. YOU'RE COACH O'SHEA.
YEAH, I'M COACH O'SHEA.
HA! YOU'RE COACH O'SHEA!
WHO AM I? LOOK AT THIS. HUH
WHO AM I?
OH, YOU'RE REMEMBERING MY OLD PLAYING DAYS.
REMEMBERING THEM? I TREASURE THEM.
YOU'RE THE REASON WE MOVED TO THIS TOWN,
YOU AND THAT POP WARNER FOOTBALL LEAGUE.
YOU, UH, YOU LOOK KIND OF SMALL FOR A FOOTBALL STAR.
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL THOUGHT.
YEAH.
SO WHERE IS YOUR--
HIS NAME'S SPIKE.
HE'S RIGHT HERE.
HANG ON A SECOND. SPIKE!
COME ON DOWN HERE.
I WANT YOU TO MEET COACH O'SHEA.
LOOK AT THE BOY.
HE WAS BRED FOR FOOTBALL GLORY.
THE FIRST SKIN HE TOUCHED WAS A PIGSKIN.
PUSHING A FOOTBALL ACROSS THE LIVING WITH HIS HEAD
AT 4 MONTHS.
DID HIS FIRST PULL-UP AT 18 MONTHS.
GIVE ME 10!
RUNS A 40 IN 6.5 FLAT,
BENCH PRESSES TWICE HIS OWN WEIGHT.
WON THE 8-YEAR-OLD DIVISION OF THE PASS, PUNT, AND RUN
WHEN HE WAS 5.
O'SHEA, I'VE BEEN CULTIVATING HIM,
GROOMING HIM.
EVERY NIGHT, BEFORE HE GOES TO BED,
I MASSAGE HIS HAMSTRINGS WITH EVAPORATED MILK.
YEAH.
HE'S QUITE A BOY.
OH.
PLAY TO DIE!
KNEES HIGH! KNEES HIGH!
GUYS, I GOT GREAT NEWS.
WE GOT A NEW PLAYER.
MAMA! WHOA!
WHO'S THAT?
LOOKS LIKE A SIDE OF BEEF.
OR A GENETICS EXPERIMENT GONE TERRIBLY WRONG.
WHERE'S HIS SOCKS?
WHERE'S HIS NECK?
HE'S BIGGER THAN MY DAD.
SPIKE'S IN HELL.
SPIKE'S IN PEE-WEE HELL.
GUYS, SPIKE'S OUR NEW TAILBACK.
GREAT. NOW WE CAN RUN THE ANNEXATION OF PUERTO RICO.
WHAT'S THE ANNEXATION OF PUERTO RICO?
I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE READY FOR THAT.
WHAT FORMATION DO YOU LIKE TO RUN?
POWER "I." WHO'S SPIKE'S LEAD BLOCKER?
THE ICEBOX.
WHERE'S HE AT?
RIGHT HERE.
IS SPIKE MISTAKEN? AREN'T YOU A GIRL?
GEE, GOOD EYE.
SPIKE DON'T PLAY WITH GIRLS.
SHE'S PRETTY GOOD, SPIKE.
SPIKE DON'T CARE. DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
SPIKE DON'T PLAY WITH--
I CAN TACKLE ANYTHING, ANY TIME, ANYWHERE. GOT THAT?
LOOK, YOU BERSERKO BARBIE DOLL,
WHEN YOU MESS WITH SPIKE, YOU MESS WITH DEATH.
CAN YOU WALK THE WALK?
I WILL! TRY ME!
LET'S GO!
RIGHT NOW!
SOMEBODY CALL 911!
ALL RIGHT, O.K., O.K., HOLD IT.
BECKY, GET THAT CAR, PLEASE.
WHY ME? SO YOU CAN PLAY WITH THIS APE?
CAN I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU, PLEASE?
YOUR LEG'S BIGGER THAN MY BODY.
WITH THIS GUY, WE GOT AN ACTUAL SHOT AT WINNING.
GIVE ME A MINUTE
TO GET HIM USED TO THE IDEA OF PLAYING WITH A GIRL.
YOU DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE HIM.
THIS IS A BUNCH OF CRAP.
SHIRLEY.
HI, KEVIN.
ICEBOX NOT HUNGRY?
ALERT THE MEDIA.
HOW YOU DOING, HOT SHOT?
HEY, LOUISE. THANK YOU, DEAR.
GOOD SHOT.
YOU STILL MAD AT ME FOR NOT PICKING YOU, HUH?
NO.
I GUESS YOU GOT YOUR OWN TEAM NOW.
IT'S NOT MY TEAM.
IT'S SPIKE'S TEAM.
DAD'S GOT A BIG CRUSH ON HIM.
AH, DON'T BE SO HARD ON THE OLD MAN.
CAN'T BE EASY ON HIM HAVING ME AS A BROTHER,
OR YOU AS A DAUGHTER.
HA HA. VERY FUNNY.
HA HA HA.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME, WE'RE STUBBORN.
WE DON'T GET OUR OWN WAY, WATCH OUT.
YOU MEAN, WHEN YOU WERE PLAYING FOOTBALL,
YOU WANTED TO KILL YOUR COACH, TOO?
BECKY, YOU CAN'T FAULT THE GUY FOR TRYING TO WIN.
HE DOESN'T WANT TO WIN.
HE JUST WANTS TO SHOW EVERYONE HE'S NOT SCARED OF YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I THOUGHT I WANTED TO PLAY,
BUT NOW THERE'S ALL THIS OTHER STUFF.
WHAT OTHER STUFF?
NOT FOOTBALL STUFF.
AHH.
MM-HMM.
DEBBIE LIKES JUNIOR, DOESN'T SHE?
DOES VERONICA LIKE ARCHIE?
SHE'S GOING TO GET HIM. I KNOW IT.
SHE'D PROBABLY KILL ME IF SHE KNEW I TOLD YOU THIS,
BUT, UH, YOU WANT TO FIND A BOY,
YOU GOT TO FIGURE OUT HOW BOYS THINK.
AND IF THIS BOY'S A QUARTERBACK,
HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO WANT SOME CUTE GIRL,
NOT SOME TEAMMATE.
BUT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT BEING A CUTE GIRL.
I'M GOOD AT SPORTS.
OF COURSE YOU ARE. YOU'RE AN O'SHEA.
LISTEN TO UNCLE KEVIN.
YOU GOT MORE TO OFFER THAN FOOTBALL.
A LOT MORE.
YOU THINK SO?
I KNOW SO.
HEY, UNCLE KEVIN...
DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY?
NO.
I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
O.K., GUYS, LET'S MAKE THIS POWER "I" FORMATION WORK.
READY? BREAK!
READY...
SET...
HUT-1, HUT-2!
UHH!
WHOA!
YOU CALL THIS A TEAM?
UHH!
HEY, YOU, PRETTY BOY,
NEXT TIME YOU HAND OFF TO SPIKE, PUT IT HERE.
BOOM! AND YOU, FAT LINEMAN.
YOU RANG?
GET YOUR JELLY ROLLS OUT OF SPIKE'S WAY
UNLESS YOU WANT CLEAT MARKS
UP YOUR FAT BACK.
SPIKE!
GET IN THE CAR, SON.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
OH, NO.
YOU'RE A COWBOY NOW.
THANK YOU, FOOTBALL GOD.
WHERE'S HE GOING?
SO YOU'RE A HEISMAN TROPHY WINNER, HUH?
I SAID I WAS COACH O'SHEA, NOT KEVIN.
YOU MUST THINK YOU'RE PRETTY SLICK, HUH?
I CAN'T WAIT TILL TOMORROW.
ONE MORE DAY, BABY!
ONE MORE DAY.
GREAT. THE OTHER GUYS HAVE SPIKE.
AND WE GOT NOTHIN'.
WE GOT US.
WE STINK.
YOU CAN'T CATCH, HOT HANDS.
AT LEAST HE CAN WALK, CRUSH JERK.
HAVE ANOTHER POP TART.
YEAH, FART BOY,
OR CAN'T YOU OPEN YOUR BIG MOUTH WIDE ENOUGH?
COME ON. THAT'S ENOUGH.
COACH IS RIGHT. BREAK IT UP.
SHUT UP! YOU'RE SO GOOD IT MAKES US SICK!
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO PLAY?
NO PROBLEMO.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
NICE WORK. IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM,
WE WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE A TEAM.
IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM,
MAYBE YOU'D STOP DROOLING AND PLAY FOOTBALL.
YEAH, HE'S RIGHT.
WHY CAN'T WE JUST ALL PLAY TOGETHER?
OH, SHUT UP, DIPSTICK.
YOU'RE PROBABLY THE MAIN REASON SPIKE QUIT.
QUIT BAWLING, YOU BIG BABY.
I CAN CRY IF I WANT. IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.
I CAN EVEN DO THIS.
OW! OW!
NICE KICK.
HEY, GUYS, PRACTICE ISN'T OVER YET.
WHO CARES? WHO CARES?
WHAT'S THE USE? I AM A DIPSTICK.
I'LL NEVER GET TO PLAY.
HEY, KID, YOU GOT A SECOND?
WE HAVE TO GET TO A BANQUET,
WHERE THE HALL OF FAME IS,
WE TOOK A WRONG TURN SOMEWHERE.
WE STARTED OUT HERE ON I-70,
COMING ACROSS HERE, WE WENT UP 104,
TOOK THE 49, THEN WE TOOK SHORTCUTS.
WE GO 10, 12, 48, HUT.
WE HAVE TO HIT CANTON HARD.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
UH, GUYS?
NOW, WHAT?
LET'S PLAY SOME BALL.
OH! WHOA!
WHOA! OH!
EMTMAN.
TIM BROWN.
BRUCE SMITH.
EMMITT SMITH.
WHOA!
TAKE A SHOT. JUST BLOCK ME.
UH-UH.
COME ON. YOU CAN DO IT.
NO WAY.
COME ON. DON'T BE SCARED.
RUN THROUGH ME. RUN THROUGH ME.
COME ON. GET THE FEAR OUT OF YOUR EYES!
LET'S GO! COME ON!
UHH!
YEAH!
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT NOW. GOOD JOB.
JUST REMEMBER.
FOOTBALL'S 80 % MENTAL, 40 % PHYSICAL.
RIGHT. RIGHT.
WHAT?
I WASN'T ALWAYS THE BIGGEST.
I WASN'T ALWAYS THE FASTEST.
I WASN'T ALWAYS THE SMARTEST,
BUT I BELIEVED WITHIN MYSELF THAT I WAS A GIANT.
THEN HE PIVOTS, FAKES,
CHUCKS THE BIG BOMB HALFWAY DOWN THE FIELD
TO OUR, HOPEFULLY, STILL WIDE-OPEN TAILBACK.
I CALL IT THE ANNEXATION OF PUERTO RICO.
NOT BAD.
REALLY?
I KIND OF STOLE IT FROM YOU--
RAIDERS/VIKINGS-- SUPER BOWL 11.
HEY, YOU ARE A GENIUS.
THANKS.
PROBLEM IS...
WE DON'T HAVE A TAILBACK.
HMM. LISTEN, WHAT IF YOU TRIED THIS?
KNOW WHAT THIS IS CALLED?
WOW! WHOA!
INTIMIDATION.
COOL. WHOA.
NOW, TOMORROW WHEN YOU GO TO THE GAME,
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE INTIMIDATED.
LET ME SEE YOUR GAME FACES.
GRR! GRR! GRR!
NO, NO. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.
LET ME SEE YOUR GAME FACES.
GRR! GRR! GRR!
TRY THIS.
GRR! GRR! GRR! GRR!
THAT'S IT, GUYS. NOW COME AND GET ME.
GRR! GRR! GRR!
ARRR!
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
HEY, COACH, MIND IF I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
YEAH.
I GOT A BIG GAME COMING UP. YOU GOT ANY ADVICE?
GOOD LUCK.
WAIT. THAT'S IT?
LATER.
SEE YA, STEVE.
BYE, EMMITT.
HAVE A GOOD TRIP.
THERE'S NO BIG SECRET TO WINNING FOOTBALL.
IT'S JUST DOING WHAT THESE GUYS DO EVERY GAME.
JUST GO OUT AND GIVE IT YOUR BEST.
I TOOK A TEAM TO A SUPER BOWL,
AND WE WON.
I EVEN HAD SOME GUYS ON THAT TEAM NOBODY WANTED,
BUT WE WERE A TEAM,
THAT'S WHAT YOU GUYS ARE. YOU'RE A FOOTBALL TEAM.
THAT'S LIKE A FAMILY, EXCEPT YOU GET TO HIT EACH OTHER,
BUT YOU HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER.
DO THAT, AND YOU'LL BE FINE.
THANKS, MR. MADDEN.
THANKS, MR. MADDEN!
SEE YA!
LET ME TELL YOU PEOPLE SOMETHING.
THIS AIN'T JUST A FOOTBALL.
THIS IS YOUR HOPES, YOUR DREAMS, YOUR AMBITIONS.
YOUR SOUL ON A ROLL.
IT'S YOUR LIFE.
TOMORROW ON THAT FIELD, IT'S DO OR DIE...
WIN OR CRY!
GO, BABY! GO!
MEN, TONIGHT WHEN YOU GO HOME,
I WANT YOU TO BRUSH YOUR LITTLE TEETH.
I WANT YOU TO WASH YOUR LITTLE FACES
AND DREAM THE SWEET DREAMS OF FOOTBALL GLORY.
'CAUSE TOMORROW,
WE'RE CRUSHING THE LITTLE GIANTS INTO SMITHEREENS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, MEN?
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
YEAH!
GUESS WHO?
WHO?
ME.
HEY, JUNIOR.
HEY. EW, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE TRYING TO SWALLOW EACH OTHER'S HEADS.
THEY'RE DOING IT WRONG.
YOU HAVE TO MOVE YOUR HEAD DRAMATICALLY,
LIKE KEVIN COSTNER DID IN ROBIN HOOD, LIKE THIS.
NO. IN MOVIES, THEY DO THAT CHICKEN-PECKING, MOUTH HALF-OPEN THING,
LIKE THIS, "HEY, BABY."
NO.
UH-UH.
CHECK THIS OUT.
MY COUSIN TOLD ME THAT HER AND HER BOYFRIEND USE THEIR TONGUES.
EW, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
I KNOW. SPIT SWAPPERS.
YEAH. KIND OF LIKE THEM.
TONSIL HOCKEY.
HA HA HA.
YOU KNOW, THE ONLY PROBLEM
WITH KISSING YOUR OWN HAND IS...
WHAT?
IT DOESN'T KISS BACK.
YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO KISS?
NO. WHY, DO YOU?
NO. OOH, I JUST GOT THAT VOMIT TASTE IN MY MOUTH.
WE'LL HAVE TO LEARN HOW EVENTUALLY
IF YOU WANT KIDS AND A JOB.
YOU CAN HAVE KIDS WITHOUT KISSING.
BUT YOU CAN'T GET A JOB.
WELL, I'LL BECOME A TEACHER.
BUT WHAT IF YOU WERE FORCED TO?
WOULDN'T IT BE GOOD TO LEARN WITH A FRIEND?
YOU KNOW, FOR SCIENTIFIC PURPOSES.
UHH.
NO WAY.
LOOK, IF I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO KISS,
AND I MEAN ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY
NO WAY OUT OF IT NO MATTER WHAT,
I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO KISS...
WELL, THEN I THINK I'D WANT TO LEARN WITH...
LET ME GUESS.
DEBBIE.
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT IF NOT HER,
DEFINITELY ANOTHER CHEERLEADER
MAYBE.
I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS REALLY WEIRD.
HEY, JUNIOR...
IF I WAS MORE LIKE THOSE CHEERLEADERS,
YOU'D WANT TO LEARN WITH ME.
BUT YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE DIFFERENT.
YOU'RE COOL. YOU'RE THE ICEBOX.
YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONLY GIRL I'VE MET
THAT CAN BEAT UP MY DAD.
HEH.
ANYWAYS, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
HEY.
HEY, UNCLE KEV.
IS, UH...
AUNT KAREN HOME?
COME ON IN, BUDDY.
NO, YOU DON'T. YOU CAN'T.
THIS TEAM HAS COME TOO FAR TO LOSE BY A LOUSY CALL.
WATCH THE GRABBING, ZEBRA.
THEY'RE GIVING HIM THE BUSINESS OUT THERE.
WHAT? YOU'RE THROWING ME OUT?
I'LL THROW YOU OUT.
I'LL THROW YOUR MOTHER OUT.
HI, DAD.
HEY.
BYE, DAD.
WHAT DO YOU GOT, A VICTORY CAKE?
HALF THAT TEAM'S ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE.
IT'S NOT A CAKE.
YOU CAN'T SNEAK AWAY
WITHOUT TELLING YOUR COACH WHAT'S IN THE BOX.
IT'S NOTHING.
O.K. IF MY LITTLE FULLBACK WANTS TO SURPRISE ME,
THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.
LITTLE FULLBACK?
YOUR LITTLE F
THAT'S ALL I AM TO YOU, ISN'T IT?
YOUR LITTLE FULLBACK,
YOUR TICKET TO BEATING KEVIN
AND WINNING THE BIG GAME.
BECKY, WHAT'S WRONG?
WHAT'S WRONG? EVERYTHING'S WRONG.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT MOM USED TO CALL ME?
HER LITTLE PRINCESS.
WHEN SHE TUCKED ME IN, SHE'D GO,
"GOOD NIGHT, LITTLE PRINCESS."
THEN SHE'D KISS ME ON MY CHEEKS,
THEN PULL THE COVERS ALL AROUND ME.
AND YOU REMEMBER THAT?
YEAH.
SHE WOULDN'T LET ME PLAY FOOTBALL.
SHE WOULDN'T CALL ME HER LITTLE FULLBACK, EITHER.
BECKY, LOOK...
MOM'S NOT HERE ANYMORE. SHE LEFT US.
SHE QUIT.
NO. SHE DIDN'T QUIT.
SHE JUST FOUND A BETTER TEAM.
I'M NOT PLAYING TOMORROW.
THIS WAS YOUR IDEA.
THIS GAME WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO YOU.
NO, DAD.
THIS GAME MEANS EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO YOU.
COME ON, DAD.
THROW IT IN HERE.
MM!
UH!
COME ON, FELLAS. TOMORROW'S THE BIG ONE.
DON'T LET ME DOWN.
YOU WANT INTIMIDATION?
I'LL SHOW YOU INTIMIDATION.
ARGH!
I'LL BE BACK IN A FEW DAYS.
BE GOOD.
YOU GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP NOW.
AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT FOOTBALL.
I WON'T, DADDY.
3...
4...
5...
6...
7...
8...
I WANT TO PUMP...
YOU UP.
GOOD NIGHT, URBANIA,
AND A SPECIAL GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF TOMORROW'S PLAYERS.
WELL, HELLO AGAIN, EVERYBODY.
THIS IS CLIFF PARSON, YOUR PLAY-BY-PLAY ANNOUNCER.
WHAT A DAY IT IS.
WE'RE HERE AT KEVIN O'SHEA STADIUM
LOCATED IN PASTORAL URBANIA, OHIO,
SCENE OF WHAT'S BECOME KNOWN AS
THE MANIA IN URBANIA.
YEAH, LET'S GO, GUYS!
SHAKE IT OUT. FEEL GOOD?
GUYS, QUIET DOWN! HOLD IT.
FATHER KELLY HAS BEEN KIND ENOUGH
TO SAY A PRAYER FOR OUR VICTORY TODAY.
YEAH! YEAH!
PIPE DOWN!
ALL RIGHT.
QUIET DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
HEY! SHUT UP!
GO AHEAD, FATHER.
AS WE ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK
ON THIS JOURNEY OF ATHLETIC COMPETITION,
WE PAUSE TO REFLECT...
GIANTS! GIANTS!
WHAT THE HELL?
GIANTS!
GIANTS! GIANTS!
LET'S KILL 'EM!
THEY DON'T RESPECT YOU!
HEY, BRIGGS, YOU BIG SNOT-BALL,
I'M GOING TO EAT YOU FOR LUNCH!
GIANTS! GIANTS!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
GUYS, COOL IT.
ONE SEC, COACH.
PAGING SPIKE THE PUTZ!
HOLD IT, SON. WHAT'S THE MATTER?
THAT'S RIGHT, SPIKE! THE ICEBOX IS GOING TO DEFROST YOU!
YOU'RE GETTING FIRED UP?
YEAH, THERE YOU GO, SON.
SAVE THAT RAGE FOR THE FIELD.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ENOUGH OF THAT.
RELAX, COACH. WE'RE UNSTOPPABLE!
YEAH! YEAH!
HI, GUYS.
BECKY?
I JUST CAME BY TO WISH YOU GOOD LUCK
AND HAVE A GREAT GAME.
I'LL BE ROOTING FOR YOU.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE O.K.
LET'S TALK A LITTLE STRATEGY.
WITHOUT BECKY, WE'RE GOING TO BE CREAM OF WHEAT.
WITHOUT ICEBOX, SPIKE'S GOING TO RIP OFF MY FACE
AND WEAR IT ON HALLOWEEN.
I'M LEAVING THE COUNTRY. I'M GOING TO NEW MEXICO.
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, WAIT.
I GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU.
WHAT? WHAT IS IT?
DEATH SHROUDS.
IT'S GOT YOUR NAME ON THE BACK.
SO THE GUYS AT THE MORGUE CAN IDENTIFY THE BODIES.
ALL RIGHT! HOLD IT!
GENTLEMEN...
THIS AIN'T JUST A FOOTBALL...
IT'S OUR LIVES!
SHOW 'EM WHAT YOU HAVE!
WHOA! HERE COME THE COWBOYS!
LET'S GO, GUYS. COME ON.
O.K.? HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT!
O.K., REMEMBER, GUYS.
THIS IS JUST A FOOTBALL.
JUST AIR AND PIG INTESTINES.
EW! EW!
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
LET'S GO.
I CAN'T SEE WITH THIS THING ON!
UH!
IS THIS ON?
IS THIS--
GREAT TO SEE YOU, FOLKS. WELCOME TO THE PARK.
TODAY, KEVIN'S PEE-WEE COWBOYS
WILL TEST THEIR MINIMUSCLES
AGAINST DANNY'S LITTLE GIANTS.
NICE TOUCH.
I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE THAT.
KEVIN, YOU CALL IT.
HEADS.
HOW COME HE CALLS IT?
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
YOU KICK OFF, WE RAM IT DOWN YOUR THROAT.
WE KICK OFF, WE TAKE IT FROM YOU
THEN RAM IT DOWN YOUR THROAT.
YOU'VE BEEN BOSSING ME AROUND SINCE WE WERE KIDS.
YOU DON'T ASK FOR THINGS. YOU TAKE THEM.
LIKE YOU TOOK MY TICKET TO THAT WORLD'S SERIES?
GUYS, CUT IT OUT. YOU'RE BROTHERS.
NOT BY CHOICE.
I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THAT
FROM A GUY WHO SUNK HIS LAST DIME
INTO A GAS STATION.
IT'S BEEN SERVICING THIS COMMUNITY FOR OVER 40 YEARS.
IT'S A LANDMARK.
OUGHT TO BE A LANDFILL.
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LOYALTY,
ANYTHING ABOUT HEART.
I WOULD PUT THAT GAS STATION
AGAINST ANY BUSINESS IN THIS TOWN.
YOU SURE?
YES, I AM.
O.K., FINE.
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
MY CAR DEALERSHIP AGAINST YOUR GAS STATION.
WINNER OF THIS TAKES IT ALL.
YOU'RE ON. FINE.
I'LL LET YOU CALL IT. OPEN YOUR FIST.
HEADS.
TAILS. HA HA.
THIS WILL BE THE LONGEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
WHAT AM I DOING?
COWBOYS, COWBOYS!
WIN! WIN! WIN!
GIANTS! GIANTS!
HELP US, GOD!
LET'S MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN.
GIANTS KICKING OFF. THEY'LL BE DEFENDING THE WESTERN GOAL
TO MY RIGHT, YOUR LEFT, AS YOU'RE LISTENING.
OOH. OOH.
GO!
ALL RIGHT, GUYS. ALL RIGHT.
KICKING'S THE KEY TO THIS GAME.
UH!
SOMEBODY'S HOLDING A POUND OF AUNT BETTY'S NUT BUTTER.
THAT'S A LIVE BALL! THE COWBOYS RECOVER.
YEAH! LIVE BALL!
THAT WAS EASY. HA HA HA.
"I" FORMATION, RIGHT. 32 DIAMOND ON GO.
READY, BREAK!
WHEN I GET FINISHED WITH YOU,
YOU'LL BE FARTING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH,
TALKING OUT OF YOUR BUTT.
IS THAT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE?
DOWN!
SET!
GO!
OH!
THAT'S MY BOY!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I THINK SO.
HUH. I GUESS IT IS POSSIBLE.
GO!
WAY TO HOLD HIM.
DEAD MEAT.
GO!
AAH!
OHH!
TOUCHDOWN! COWBOYS.
WHOO!
YEAH!
REF, THIS ISN'T AMERICAN GLADIATORS.
THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT.
NO PENALTY. NO PENALTY.
DID I PASS THE SPELLING TEST,
MRS. GREELY?
WOW. SPIKE KNOCKED HIM
ALL THE WAY BACK TO SECOND GRADE.
YAY!
O.K., GUYS, THREE LITTLE PIGS ON GO.
WAIT. WHAT'S THE THREE LITTLE PIGS?
HERE.
O.K. WE'RE LINED UP STRONG LEFT.
ZOLTECK, WATCH MURPHY COMING THROUGH THE HOLE.
READY? BREAK!
DOWN!
SET?
GO!
UGH! UGH!
BLOW THE WHISTLE! BLOW THE WHISTLE!
BLOW--BLOW IT! BLOW IT!
TAD! TAD, YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY.
BLOW THE WHISTLE! COME ON! BLOW THE WHISTLE!
BLOW IT!
OHH.
HA HA HA!
ALL RIGHT!
DOWN!
SET!
HUH!
HUT!
I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SUMMER SCHOOL.
HAAAA!
HAN, I WANT YOU TO RUN A BEAR TRAP CURL
AND TRY TO CATCH THE BALL.
NO PROBLEM.
O.K., GUYS, ON TWO.
READY?
BREAK! BREAK!
UH-OH.
DOWN!
HUT!
GO!
GO! GO!
UH!
HEY, HOT HANDS,
YOU'RE THE BEST PLAYER ON OUR TEAM.
READY? BREAK!
I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF.
DOWN!
SET!
GO! GO!
GO!
GRR!
HAMMERSMITH DIVES ON THE BALL IN THE END ZONE.
TOUCHDOWN COWBOYS!
I CAN'T SEE WITH THIS THING ON.
THAT'S THE END OF YOUR FIRST HALF
WITH THE SCORE COWBOYS-21, GIANTS-NOTHING.
I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU, ZOLTFART.
HAVE A NICE HALF-TIME, GIRLS.
IS MY SPINE STICKING OUT THROUGH MY UNIFORM?
IT'S HARD TO TELL.
I'VE LOST FEELING IN THE BACK OF MY LEG.
MAYBE IT'S ASLEEP.
NOBODY WAKE IT.
HANON, CALL 911.
I CAN'T. MY FINGERS ARE STUCK TOGETHER.
HEY, DANNY, THIS THING'S GONE FAR ENOUGH.
LET'S CALL IT OFF, HUH?
IT'S NOT OVER.
YOU'RE SURE?
IT'S HALF-TIME.
O.K., KID.
THERE'LL ALWAYS BE A JOB FOR YOU
AT THE FULL SERVICE PUMPS.
O.K., GUYS, LISTEN UP.
WE STILL GOT A SHOT OUT THERE.
COUPLE THINGS GO DIFFERENTLY FOR US,
WE'RE IN IT.
WE REALLY CREAMED THEM BY SHOWING UP.
WE QUIT.
CALL US IF YOU DECIDE TO COACH SOFTBALL.
WHAT ABOUT THE SECOND HALF?
TELL THEM WE CAN'T COME OUT.
YEAH.
PUT US ON THE INJURED LIST.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU GUYS SHOULD KNOW.
WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OLD,
I PUT MYSELF ON THE INJURED LIST.
I NEVER GOT OFF.
WHY?
'CAUSE I DIDN'T GET PICKED A FEW TIMES,
SO I STARTED HIDING UNDER THE BLEACHERS.
THAT'S WHERE WE BELONG,
UNDER THE BLEACHERS.
NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU GUYS BELONG OUT THERE WITH THOSE COWBOYS.
YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW?
BECAUSE I BELONG OUT THERE WITH MY BROTHER.
COACH, YOU COULD NEVER BEAT KEVIN O'SHEA
AT ANYTHING.
NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I DID BEAT HIM ONCE.
WHEN?
WHEN WE WERE KIDS.
WE USED TO RACE OUR BIKES
DOWN CHERRY HILL AFTER SCHOOL.
WE RACED EVERY DAY, AND HE ALWAYS WON,
BUT ONE TIME, I BEAT HIM.
YOU BEAT KEVIN DOWN CHERRY HILL?
YES, I DID.
HE ATE MY DUST.
BIG DEAL.
ONE TIME.
YOU KNOW, ONE TIME AT RANDY COOPER'S SWIM PARTY,
I DID A BACK FLIP OFF THE HIGH DIVE,
AND MY BROTHER CHICKENED OUT.
ROGER CHICKENED OUT? HE'S A MARINE.
OH, THAT'S NOTHING.
ONE TIME, IN SPRING CARNIVAL,
I BEAT BOTH MY BROTHERS IN THE COW DUNG TOSS.
YOU BEAT MATT AND BRAD IN THE TURD TOSS?
ONE TIME I WENT FISHING WITH MY ENTIRE FAMILY,
AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT DIDN'T THROW UP.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE US GOOD FOOTBALL PLAYERS.
WHO SAID YOU HAD TO BE GOOD TO PLAY FOOTBALL?
YOU PLAY FOOTBALL 'CAUSE YOU WANT TO,
AND 'CAUSE IT'S FUN.
YOU PLAY FOOTBALL SO YOU CAN PRETEND
YOU'RE JOE MONTANA THROWING A TOUCHDOWN PASS
OR EMMITT SMITH GOING FOR A LONG RUN.
EVEN IF THOSE COWBOYS ARE BETTER THAN YOU GUYS,
EVEN IF THEY BEAT YOU 99 TIMES OUT OF 100,
THAT STILL LEAVES--
ONE TIME.
YEAH. ONE TIME.
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
STOP! WHO ARE WE?
THE GIANTS!
I JUST TOLD THE MAYOR YOU FORFEITED.
WELL, YOU BETTER TELL THE MAYOR
NOT TO BET ON THE COWBOYS IN THE SECOND HALF.
YOU FORGET THAT'S MY FIELD.
YEAH, WELL, WE GOT THE BALL.
COME ON!
ALL RIGHT!
WHOA!
UGH!
O.K., GUYS, HERE WE GO!
GO, SPIKE! ALL RIGHT!
LET'S HIT SOMEBODY.
BREAK!
GRR!
THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PUT YOU IN A BODY BAG.
PREPARE TO EAT GRASS.
PIG BREATH, YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE.
HOW COME?
'CAUSE FOOTBALL'S 80 % MENTAL,
AND 40 % PHYSICAL.
WHAT?
GO!
GRR!
YEAH!
HEY, GUYS, LOOK!
2nd AND 9.
THEY GAINED A YARD!
YEAH!
WE GOT ONE YARD!
ONE YARD.
DON'T MEAN NOTHING.
DOWN!
SET!
GO!
HUH!
FLEA-FLICKER TO FLOYD. HE'S GOT ROOM UP THE SIDELINE.
1st DOWN GIANTS,
ON THEIR LONGEST GAIN OF THE AFTERNOON.
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DEFENSE IS THAT?
ALL RIGHT! GREAT, GREAT, GREAT STUFF!
GIANTS! GIANTS! 1st AND 10!
GIANTS! GIANTS!
GUYS, LISTEN UP. WHAT WOULD BE THE LAST THING
THEY'D EXPECT US TO DO?
A REVERSE TO ME?
DOWN!
SET!
GO!
I'M GONNA DIE. I'M GONNA DIE.
COME ON, TAD!
I'M GONNA DIE!
TAD! GO! GO! RUN OUT OF BOUNDS!
GRR!
YIKES!
TAD! RUN!
HUH?
AAH!
GO!
WE SCORED!
WE SCORED A TOUCHDOWN!
TOUCHDOWN, GIANTS!
YEAH!
OH, MY GOD! MY SON SCORED A TOUCHDOWN.
ALL RIGHT!
YEAH!
WHOO!
YEAH!
AAH!
YEAH!
DOWN.
SET.
GO!
YES.
I'VE DONE IT.
YEAH! YEAH!
WE'RE NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES.
EITHER YOU TAKE JUNIOR FLOYD OUT OF THIS GAME,
OR YOU'LL BE DONATING A KIDNEY TO AUNT RUTH.
YES, SIR!
O.K. GET GOING.
UGH!
GRR!
BOO!
PERSONAL FOUL. NUMBER 32. WHITE.
ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT KIND OF CALL IS THAT?
THAT WASN'T NICE, YOU BIG BULLY.
IF YOUR KID PULLS ANOTHER STUNT LIKE THAT,
YOU'RE BOTH OUT OF HERE.
HEY, I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO WIN.
NOT LIKE THAT.
HI.
SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS, BECKY?
CALL ME ICEBOX.
HEY, ICEBOX, KICK SOME BUTT.
CALL ME BECKY.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT'S THAT CHEERLEADER DOING WITH THE HELMET ON?
THAT'S MY NIECE BECKY. AND SHE'S PISSED.
BREAK!
KEEP CLEAR, ICE CHEST.
OR I'LL HAVE TO MESS UP YOUR FACE.
DOWN, 56!
DOWN!
SET!
GO!
WHAT A HIT BY BECKY O'SHEA.
THE BALL IS LOOSE. HANON COVERS IT UP TIGHT.
YES!
ALL RIGHT! THAT'S MY GIRL!
YEAH!
OW.
NO!
LET IT GO, MAN.
I GOT IT! I GOT IT!
I GOT IT! HA HA!
ZOLTECK! COME HERE!
YOU RANG?
ALL RIGHT. CHICKEN LITTLE FLEA-FLICKER ON 2.
TAKE IT IN.
O.K. CHICKEN LITTLE FLEA-FLICKER ON 2.
WHAT'S THAT?
A PITCH TO JOHNNY.
A PITCH TO JOHNNY?
YOU CAN'T PITCH TO JOHNNY.
I'M JOHNNY!
ZOLTECK, HE'S GONNA NEED SOME RUNNING ROOM.
GOTCHA.
BREAK! BREAK!
EXCUSE ME, GUYS! GUYS, COME ON!
EXCUSE ME.
MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.
I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH.
HOW CAN WE DO THAT?
BY TAKING A WHIFF OF THIS.
HUT 2!
NOW WHAT?
JUST RUN TO HIM.
DAD?
DAD!
TOUCHDOWN!
THE GIANTS DEFICIT IS CUT IN HALF
ON A BRILLIANT PIECE OF RUNNING BY JOHNNY VENNARO.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON. ALL RIGHT, GUYS. LINE UP.
DOWN!
SET!
GO!
CLEAR IT UP. LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS. LET'S GO.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, FOUR
OW!
WANT YOUR MAMA?
DON'T BE TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA.
WATCHING JAKE PLAY FOOTBALL
HAS REALLY BEEN GREAT FOR MY FAMILY.
YEAH.
DOWN!
SET!
GO!
RIP THEIR FILTHY HEADS OFF, JAKESTER!
WOO, WOO, WOO, WOO, WOO, YES!
YES!
I USE THESE FOR ACID INDIGESTION.
SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA USE THESE FOR?
INTIMIDATION.
GRRR! GRRR!
BREAK!
GRRR...
GRR...
GRRR...
GO!
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
YOU'RE GONNA PLAY OR WHAT?
O.K. I'VE GOT THE PLAY.
SILVER STREAK TO HANON ON 2.
ARE YOU SURE?
READY?
BREAK! BREAK!
OH, CRUD.
COME ON. COME ON.
SET!
GO!
PASS! PASS! PASS!
YEAH! THAT'S MY BOY!
YEAH!
ALL RIGHT, HANON! YEAH!
TOUCHDOWN!
IT'S THE WRONG DEFENSE! I DIDN'T CALL THE BLITZ.
SO, WITH 1:45 LEFT AND THE SCORE TIED 21-21,
IT LOOKS LIKE MR. MO-MENTUM MAY BE CHANGING ITS ADDRESS.
ALL RIGHT, MEN, LET'S GO.
DOWN!
SET!
GO!
GET OFF! YOU'RE MINE!
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
GOOD!
WITH LESS THAN A MINUTE TO PLAY,
THE COWBOYS ARE HEADING FOR THAT END ZONE.
SET! GO!
THEY'RE DONE, BABY!
EASY! WHOO!
ONE MORE! EASY!
COME HERE, SON. 38 TOSS. YOU UNDERSTAND?
38 TOSS.
DANNY, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT CHAMPIONSHIP GAME AT SUTTERVILLE?
THE ONE WHERE KEVIN SCORED THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN?
TIME OUT.
THE GIANTS HAVE CALLED A TIME OUT,
WITH 10 SECONDS LEFT
AND THE BALL ON THE 1-YARD LINE.
HUDDLE UP!
LOOK, NO ONE THOUGHT WE'D MAKE IT THIS FAR,
BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO REALLY DIG IN.
THEY'RE GONNA GIVE THE BALL TO SPIKE.
WE'VE GOTTA STOP HIM.
HE'S TOO STRONG.
WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER.
READY?
BREAK! BREAK!
HOLD THAT LINE! HOLD THAT LINE!
DOWN!
SHIFT!
HOLD THAT LINE! HOLD THAT LINE!
THEY KNOW THE PLAY.
THEY KNOW THE PLAY!
DOWN!
GO!
TURN IT UP!
YES! WE'RE IN! TOUCHDOWN! YEAH!
HE WAS OVER! NO, WE STOPPED HIM.
HE WAS IN. NO WAY.
MOVE IT BACK.
EVERYBODY OFF THE BALL.
MOVE BACK.
GIANTS' BALL!
NO! NO!
GIANTS' BALL!
YEAH! YEAH!
TOLD YA.
TIME OUT.
YOU DID IT. YOU STOPPED HIM.
I'M REAL PROUD OF YOU.
COACH, THERE'S STILL 4 SECONDS LEFT.
WE CAN BEAT THESE GUYS.
YEAH! YEAH!
PUT ME IN. I WANNA KICK SOME BUTT!
NUBE, WHAT KIND OF PLAY YOU GOT FOR THIS SITUATION?
HOW ABOUT "THE ANNEXATION OF PUERTO RICO?"
WITH 4 SECONDS LEFT, THE GIANTS GET SET
FOR WHAT FIGURES TO BE THE FINAL PLAY OF THE GAME.
READY?
ONE TIME. ONE TIME.
READY? BREAK!
YOU'RE MINE, POMPOM.
ALL RIGHT! ONE MORE PLAY, BABY!
WATCH THE WINGMAN.
DOWN!
DON'T LET ANYBODY BEHIND YA!
SET!
HOO!
GRRR!
GO!
REVERSE! REVERSE!
SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE BALL. FUMBLEROOSKI! FUMBLEROOSKI!
YEAH! NO MERCY!
NO BALL.
YAA!
GET HIM!
HE'S GOT THE BALL!
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT!
COME ON! COME ON!
I'M GONNA SCORE A TOUCHDOWN!
OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YEAH!
HA HA HA!
WE WON! WE WON!
WE DID IT! WE WON!
WE WON! WE WON!
WE DONE IT! WE DONE IT!
WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!
WE WON! HA HA!
PATTY FLOYD...
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN HAVING DINNER WITH ME.
FINE, IF YOU'D LIKE TO THINK ABOUT IT.
GET A GRIP, DAD.
WHOO! YEAH! OH, YEAH!
YES!
GIANTS! GIANTS!
CONGRATULATIONS, DANNY.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE THE NEW HEAD COACH.
IF YOU'RE STILL PISSED AT ME, DON'T BE.
IF I WASN'T TOUGH ON YOU WHEN WE WERE KIDS,
YOU NEVER WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO BEAT ME TODAY.
O.K. LISTEN, MY GUYS ARE WONDERING--
IF THEY CAN TAR AND FEATHER ME?
NO. THEY WONDERING IF YOUR TEAM WANTS TO JOIN UP WITH THE LITTLE GIANTS.
ONE TOWN, ONE TEAM?
ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL MY BOYS.
IS THERE SUCH THING AS HAVING TWO HEAD COACHES?
NO.
IN CASE THE HEAD COACH DOESN'T KNOW AS MUCH ABOUT FOOTBALL
AS THE OTHER COACH?
LET ME THINK ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT?
DEAL.
DANNY. THAT STUPID BET WE MADE,
YOU'RE NOT HOLDING ME TO IT, ARE YOU?
KEVIN,
WOULD I THROW MY OWN BROTHER OUT ON THE STREET?
NO.
THERE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE A JOB FOR YOU
AT DANNY O'SHEA'S CHEVROLET.
I'LL START YOU ON COMMISSION--
COME ON! DANNY, LOOK,
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMEWAY WE CAN WORK THIS OUT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WELL, THERE IS ONE THING.
WHAT?