You always encouraged me to cause a spot of trouble.
So, today's the day we finally set a bomb under this town for what they did to you.
But don't worry, Ma.
It'll be over soon, and I'll be...
halfway across the world.
Where you'd want me to be.
You not gonna talk about it?
Suit yourself.
- It's my girl. - Oh, yeah?
- I thought you'd broke up. - We're on a break.
Oh. And how long's that been going on now?
Six months.
We still meet up for coffee from time to time.
Couple of macchiatos, like.
I'm glad you find it so amusing.
Well, this is it.
It's just, she's been spending a lot of her time with this fella.
If you've broke up, isn't she allowed to be seeing other people?
We're just having a wobble.
Colin, man, six months is more than a wobble.
It's a wobble, Fergus, okay?
Ready?
So, what's this fella's name, then?
Tyrone.
Tyrone? Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone.
No, I don't know any Tyrones. He must be from out of town.
He'll wish he was from out of town when I get my hands on him.
She probably told the poor lad she was single.
Ah, leave up. She'll come back. We've got a connection.
Right you are.
Stop what you're doing, all of youse!
- Where's the stash? - What stash? This is a church.
Gentlemen, this is a place of worship. A holy place.
The drugs. The drugs! Where are they, Father?
Drugs have no place in the Catholic Church.
- Who are they? - This is Father Shenwari.
And this Father Nabi.
They've travelled to Ireland from Afghanistan
to learn about the Troubles
in order to take the lessons that we have learned back to their own community.
Can you, uh, give us a moment?
Excuse us.
Are these fellas proper? Are you sure about this?
I don't know. There was meant to be money and MDMA.
Kilos of the stuff changing hands. That's what she said.
Who's "she"?
- I said "he." The boss. - Well, it don't look like it.
Oh, shit, man.
I didn't know they had Catholics in Afghanistan.
Say a Hail Mary.
They don't speak the language.
If he's a Catholic, he knows a Hail Mary.
Say it.
Take your gun out of Father Nabi's mouth and be gone.
- This is a church. - There's a bag!
What's in the bag? What's in the fucking bag?
Open it.
What the...
Jesus.
Look at this, Fergus. What a rush, eh?
Yeah.
Don't be so cool about it.
This is a lot of gear, isn't it?
Oh, jackpot.
Let's get a look at your miserable teenage mug.
- Hey, hey! Leave that. - Relax. It's not that bad.
"Tyrone"?
Little fucker.
Listen, man...
You slimy, inbred, cheating asshole!
She said you were through. Please.
Look, don't do anything crazy, man, okay?
This was all her idea, I'm telling you.
What were you gonna do to me to make sure you could get away with it?
We were gonna go to San Francis...
This is the final call
for Flight 162 to San Francisco.
Final call for Flight 162 to San Francisco.
What's up? This is your boy Fergus,
aka the Baddest Man On The Planet.
Leave us a message, and I'll get back to you
whenever I bloody well feel like it.
Fergus, where are you? What's wrong? What's happened?
Where's Colin?
Flight 162 to San Francisco is now closing.
Sligo, please.
Hey.
- All right, my love? - Have you seen Fergus?
- No. - How about Colin?
I thought you two were... No?
Neither of them have come in, as far as I know.
Can I get you anything?
Tequila would be grand.
Move, will ya?
- Ah, Sarah, you sexy little ferret. - Prick!
Barry, I want that 20 tonight, or I will have your ball sack.
- Daniel, man. - What's the crack, fellas?
- Not bad. - All right.
- For you. - For you.
Thank you.
Nice.
- For the fallen. - We will remember them.
I gotta talk to her.
What are you gonna say to Pixie Hardy
that you haven't managed to say up to this point in time?
I don't know. Something charming.
I swear, she always gives me the eyes.
She doesn't remember your name, man.
Ah, fuck it, I'll tell you something. Come with me.
Three in the bed, and the little one said...
"Let's do some fucking drugs."
Now, I'd like to preface this by saying I don't support
either of youse acting upon what I'm about to tell you.
- Rumours are going round... - Oh, yeah. Go on.
She's gotten into taking photos.
Apparently, Pixie is preparing her application
to the San Francisco Institute of Art
and wants to be like this Nan Goldin lady.
I don't know. Anyway,
her photos have taken a turn for the experimental.
What do you mean, "experimental"?
I've heard she likes to take photos of herself having sex with men.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that either of you twos
can potentially go home with her tonight
as long as you don't mind your hairy arses being on film.
However, I'd like to remind you
who it is we're talking about here.
This is Pixie Hardy. She won't just break you.
She'll take a Kalashnikov to your heart.
You sure this is her house?
I'm sure.
How are we even gonna do this?
Hmm.
How about I go in first,
and you wait here till I'm finished,
then you go in after and I'll wait?
Piss off. Why isn't there an option
where I go in and you wait, and then you go in after?
- 'Cause I'm the oldest. - Because you were born in April
and I was born in June, I have to go in second?
Just put the radio on. I might be a while.
Frank.
That's not fair.
This is gonna be a laugh.
Now, now. Frank McCullen.
It's very late to be knocking on young ladies' doors, isn't it?
Little lost, are we?
No. See, uh, recently,
I've been getting into taking photos.
Photos?
I was just wondering if you happened to know any good photo shops nearby.
You came to my house at 2:00 in the morning
to see if there was a camera shop in the neighbourhood?
I was told you were the person I should be talking to.
People in this town need to learn
that other people's business really isn't their business.
Sorry.
So, can I come in?
I didn't slam the door in your face, did I?
- Come on, then, Richard Avedon. - Richard who?
Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Are you...?
Oh, for God's sake. What a jammy bastard.
You believe in God, don't you, Tommy?
Well, there's part of me wants to believe in it.
For the wife and the children. Know what I mean, sir?
But I work for you, boss.
I've no right to judge. You've been very good to me, you know?
But some of the things we've done...
I don't mean any offence, you know.
What about reincarnation? What do you think of all that?
That's a lovely concept, that, sir.
Unless you come back as a fucking ant.
So, what's the plan?
I don't know.
- Tommy? - Yes, boss.
Clear this up.
Get rid of the body and the vehicle.
The last thing we need is the Guards breathing down our necks.
Yes, boss.
- So we just do nothing? - We wait.
Trouble will find us. It always does.
And when it does, we'll be ready.
Boss, you might wanna have a look at this.
Tommy?
Yes, boss.
Find the fucking panda.
Pixie?
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Pixie!
Fuck.
I'm not joking around, Pix.
I'll knock this fucking door down if I have to!
Relax your jaw.
You'd better not have someone else up there!
We had a connection!
I know you're in there.
- That's it. - Oh, shit.
I'm coming in! I'll shoot your fucking door in.
I know what you fucking did!
Oh, shit!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Sir?
Sir, are you okay?
Now, if I want to reach you,
do you have a number I can call, or...
My phone's broken.
Okay, well, why don't I give you mine?
Do you have a pen?
Go for it.
I tell you what. Why don't I leave you my address too?
You know, just in case you're in the neighbourhood, you wanna stop by.
I mean, I'm always there.
Not that I don't do anything, like. You know, I'm quite important.
Well, I will be.
I've got plans. Ambitions, like.
I'm gonna go, but you know where to find me.
I do.
Okay, ask me a capital city.
What?
Name any country, and I'll tell you the capital.
Albania.
Tirana.
That's very impressive.
Okay.
Frank.
You've got a little...
There.
Oh, Frank. Thank God.
What have you been doing?
We've got a problem.
What? What sort of problem?
I'm gonna show you something, but you promise me you're not gonna scream,
you're not gonna make a fucking scene, all right?
- We're deep... We're deep in the fucking shit... - Would you stop?
You're freaking me out. What?
Come with me.
- Jesus! - Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Who the fuck is that? Is he dead?
No, he's having a fucking nap! Yes, he's dead!
- Harland, what's in the bag? - I didn't look.
What do you mean, you didn't look?
Fuck me!
Come on, let's get the hell out of here.
This was self-defence, like.
Doesn't look that way, though, does it?
The guy had a gun. He was gonna kill you.
All I'm saying is, you put him in the boot of the car.
- Only murderers put people in the boots of their cars. - But I didn't know what to do.
We just gotta, you know, think through the options.
Think through... What options? We have to go to the police.
Do we?
From your point of view, like, best-case scenario,
you gotta be thinking three years for manslaughter?
- I mean, think of your little arsehole, man. - What? Wait, what?
Your teeny tiny little arsehole.
This, and prison.
- What are you doing? - You'll be able to shit out a watermelon by the end of it.
This is our chance, man.
Right here, right now.
Let's get the hell out.
Okay, okay, okay.
Surely there's someone we can talk to, someone we can trust,
with a bit of experience of this sort of thing.
Fuck. That's brilliant. I've got the perfect person.
- Who? - Daniel.
Oh, piss off.
Daniel's the reason we're in this situation in the first place.
Listen, he's a drug dealer.
And what do all small-time drug dealers have in common?
Lack of a proper role model.
What? Suppliers. They all have suppliers.
We get Daniel to put us in touch with his supplier,
we sell him the gear, and we're home free.
And most importantly, we're filthy, filthy rich.
I don't know, man.
It feels like we're entering into murky waters here. Do you know what I mean?
There's a dead fella in the boot of your car.
I think we're a bit past murky waters, man.
- Ah! Pix, how are you? - Da.
- How are ya? - Come in, come in.
You feel trim.
Just feeling a bit soft around the edges.
- Don't be silly. - Oh, thank you very much.
- Hey, Sis. - Hello, Summer.
- Mwah! Mm, last night's takings? - Mm-hmm.
Da! Looks delicious.
Thank you.
Let's have a go.
- Do you like it? - Mm.
- It's your mother's recipe. - Yeah, I can tell.
- I made it from scratch. - Yeah, it's good.
Maybe it needs something, uh...
Have you been to see her recently?
It'll be four years next month.
- Feels like ten. - Yeah.
What have I told you about that disgusting habit in the home?
Mm, mm.
If you want to smoke, do it properly.
It's embarrassing.
What did I do to deserve you?
What did I do to deserve you, more like?
I mean, all I seem to have gotten from you is this double chin.
Oh, it's just your puppy fat. It'll go.
Puppy fat? I heard that little shit Finian Keane
calling me "gobbler," as in the turkey,
behind my back to a group of lads the other week.
Had to knock his two front teeth out.
- Isn't Finian your friend? - I mean, "gobbler"...
It's highly offensive.
- How are you, Mick? - Hungry.
What are you lot smiling about?
Summer was telling us a story from school.
Ah, was it the one about the time she got her period in swimming class,
and all the lads started humming the Jaws theme tune?
Let's eat.
Have you told her yet?
- Told me what? - Colin's missing.
There was a car accident. We have our best men on it.
Okay.
You could act a little more fucking upset, like.
Piss off, Mick. You're being a dickhead.
- Hey! - Mickey!
No, I'm just saying. We're sat here telling her
that her boyfriend's probably bled out in a ditch in God knows where...
Ex-boyfriend.
- Who else was in the car? - Fergus.
He got one in the head.
Fergus was shot?
Straight through the temple.
Just need a tinkle.
You apologise to your sister.
Step-sister.
Stop acting the prick!
Now, you go and apologise to her. I mean it, Mick!
And you clip Summer round the head again like that,
you'll have more than a talking-to, rest assured.
You know, I heard the most fucked thing in school yesterday.
- Language, Summer. - Sorry. But you'll love this, right?
So, apparently, bubble gum doesn't dissolve in your stomach for at least seven years.
Got me thinking, you could whack someone by force-feeding them it
until their stomach explodes.
I mean, imagine that. Death by bubble gum.
I mean, it's pretty cool.
Do you think Lucy O'Malley would've still ditched you at the debs
if she'd known you'd turn out to be a cold-blooded killer?
Stop, will you? This isn't funny.
Just saying. She's still cute, you know. You should give her a call.
Have you thought about what we're gonna do with the body?
You're the one who went to university.
- We'll work it out. It'll be a doddle. - Oh, a doddle.
Funnily enough, disposing of bodies
was not part of my fucking sociology degree.
Daniel, man.
All right, lads. Didn't expect to see youse here.
- How are we feeling? - A little ropey, to be honest.
Ah. I've got just the thing for you somewhere here.
Try this.
Thanks.
- Suit yourself. - God, it smells good. What is it?
Ladies' moisturiser. Cr?me de la Mer, it's called.
It actually does make such a difference.
Yeah, I bet. Feels lovely.
Yeah.
Are you gonna ask?
We need to meet your supplier.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy there, fellas.
I mean, yeah, we're friends and all, but this, this is my town.
We're selling bulk. One deal.
It's way too big for you, trust me.
Oh, sorry, Mr Pablo Escobar! Welcome to Sligo!
Let's see it, then.
Too big for me, is it?
Jesus.
There's 15 kilos there.
Right. Let's cut out the middle man, lads, and I'll give you 400 for it.
Are you taking the piss?
Eight hundred, okay? I'm not very liquid at the moment, lads.
I'll give you 800 in instalments.
Now, that's the final offer there, okay?
Stop being a dickhead.
This right here has a street value of just under one million Euro.
- Who told you that? - I googled it.
Oh, did you? Do you like computers?
Please, Daniel. Do us a solid.
Well, what if I don't wanna give it to you, huh?
I'll tell big Oisin Fogarty
you've been having his underage sister at your parties,
plying her with dodgy methamphetamines and broken promises.
You wouldn't want that, now, would you?
It's my uncle Raymond.
Your uncle is your supplier?
- Have you got a problem with that, smart-arse? - No. No, I don't.
It's a dangerous path you're taking here, boys.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
I mean, you're talking about some real players here.
Real players.
I mean, one minute you're laughing, smiling,
all easy-breezy, like, then bang!
You've got a Glock between your eyes,
and you're begging for your mother's life.
Begging.
You're a star.
Where will we find him?
Donnelly's. It's down in Dingle on the water.
Google it.
Thanks.
You in on this?
- I don't know what you're talking about. - Don't play dumb with me.
You and Colin cooked something up, eh?
I told you, we broke up months ago.
You may be able to pull the wool over his eyes, but I see you.
You see me. You see right through me.
You're fucked in the head, just like your ma was,
and you'll be with her sooner than you'd planned if this comes back to you.
I told you, I don't know what you're talking about.
Why have you always had it in for me?
'Cause you're a liar.
You've always wanted to turn Da on me.
Now you see your chance, don't you,
to pin this on me?
Could be the two of youse in perfect harmony.
No wonder you can't get a girlfriend.
Shut up.
You like that, don't you?
Ah, you're a sick, sick boy, Mickey O'Brien.
Leave off.
Ah, come on, Mickey. You know you want to.
Did you apologise?
Can we eat?
Wait for your sister.
- You all right? - Yeah.
Mmm. Mmm.
- It's got a kick. - What?
Your hollandaise. It has a kick to it.
Mam would have loved it.
You know, it's easy, really.
- You got anyone coming over? - No. You?
Let's get this... Let's get this away.
Who's gonna open it?
Well, you're older, so...
Hey!
Hey to you too. Gonna let me in?
Sorry. Of course. After you.
Pixie, this is my best mate, Harland.
You probably haven't noticed him round.
I know you, Harland McKenna. You well?
Yeah, not bad.
- These your digs? - Temporarily, yeah.
- Temporarily? - Well, to be honest,
I've been looking at a few potential property deals that would be,
you know, significantly larger than this, but with the markets in this state...
I'm guessing you fellas aren't used to being in the hot water
you find yourselves in currently, is that correct?
Excuse me?
I'm also guessing it's under the bed.
- I'm gonna take a look. - I don't... We don't...
I don't know what we're talking about.
There's no hot water under the bed.
Harland, I'm gonna take a look now, okay?
Okay.
Really?
- Where's the money? - Money?
- Frank. - That was the only bag.
The only thing I can't put my finger on
is where's the body?
- Body? - Frank?
- It's in the boot of the car. - Frank, man.
The way I see it, you got two options.
One: Kill me,
which wouldn't be very smart, since I'm your only shot of getting out of this mess.
Or two: You confirm my suspicions
that the fella you ran into was coming to kill me,
in which case, you saved my life.
If the second is true, then thank you,
and we should consider joining forces to get the hell out of here
and sell those drugs before Step-daddy comes a-knocking.
Step-daddy?
Well, he's really my dad, for all intents and purposes.
My biological one ran off with a Chinese keyboardist
called Lao Ming when I was a baby.
Worst thing being, my mam was the lead singer of the band they were all in.
Hippies use the term "free love."
However, Mam soon found this to be more of a catchy slogan than a practical lifestyle choice.
Anyway, he, Dermot, the step-daddy, that is,
took me and Mam in when I was eight.
They fell madly in love.
Sweet, really.
But that's not to say it's all been sunshine and roses.
He is a gangster, after all, with a penchant for violence.
And he has a son from a previous marriage
who may actually turn out to be the devil incarnate.
Look, it's a lot to take in, I know.
But I figure you've got a corpse in the back of your car,
and you're looking to skip town quick, am I right?
"Penchant."
That's not what it means, Frank.
And you're right.
Well, that settles it, then.
Let's hit the road, boys.
I should probably let you know up front that I'm partial to an adventure.
So let me get this straight: Your stepfather is a gangster.
He's also a patron of the arts. He likes opera.
What? Just 'cause you kill people occasionally, you can't like a bit of Wagner?
- I love Wagner. - Shut the fuck up, Frank.
He grew up running guns for the IRA.
- Heavy. - Yeah.
His old partner in crime was a fella called Father Hector McGrath.
A priest? Honestly?
That bag of goodies came into this fair isle through McGrath.
You see, the guards will never search a priest, now, will they?
- Come again? - They can get away with murder.
Literally. Or, for example,
institutional paedophilia for a couple of thousand years.
- So they still work together? - No.
No, their split-up was somewhat acrimonious.
They vowed if one was to cross the other again, there'd be all-out war.
So you're saying it's priests that are after us?
Deadly gangster priests, yeah.
Although I claim my Italian roast chicken is cooked with vegetables,
strictly speaking, these peppers are a fruit.
I use red peppers for this, orange,
I use yellow, or a mixture of all three.
However. I will excommunicate anyone
who even thinks of using a green pepper.
And this is not rank colour prejudice.
This is because a green pepper is simply an unripe pepper.
Da, you have to see this.
No, Mickey, don't do...
The four priests were found dead this morning by widower Maeve Smith.
Here she is with Father Hector McGrath.
I went into the room,
and it was all blood and bodies everywhere.
I only went in to light a candle for Paulie.
And then this. I mean, I couldn't believe it.
This is supposed to be a place of worship.
This is a sad day in the history of our country
and a sad day for the Church.
I want to reassure the people watching
that senseless acts of violence like this
will not go unnoticed by our Father,
and that the Lord will have his vengeance.
We need to hit them now.
- Mickey, it's not... - It's not what, Da?
There's a war coming, and you know it, and I know it,
and if we don't act right this instant,
they're gonna torch us in our fucking sleep.
We don't know that Colin and Fergus were responsible for this,
so neither do they.
It doesn't matter who's responsible.
Father McGrath has got one name in his head, and that's yours.
We'll call Seamus.
Seamus?
Like, uh,
Seamus, Seamus?
The Seamus?
Just to investigate.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now we're cooking.
And there was me thinking that you'd lost it.
Stop!
Stop! Help!
What's that? Are you ready to talk?
Ooh, baby. Ooh!
Stop! Stop!
You need to talk a little bit louder, fella.
I can't fucking hear ya!
Stop! Stop!
Stop! I'll tell you anything!
- It's at my brother Pete's house. - Is it, now?
It's all there, I swear. It's all there.
You see? You feel better already. huh?
The truth always feels better.
- I'm still going to have to kill you, though. - No, please! No, no!
Please, I've got a family, kids.
- Please, no. - For fuck's sake.
No, please, think of my family.
- Please. Please! - Hello?
- Seamus. - Shut up, will you? I'm on the phone.
- Seamus. - Ah. Mr O'Brien.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
- You heard the news? - The priests?
Jesus. That's a shocking state of affairs altogether.
Quite, yeah. Listen, we picked up Fergus.
He'd been shot a couple of miles down the road.
But we need you to find Colin before they do.
- Any leads? - Ah, we're struggling a bit.
Follow Pixie.
Sorry?
Ignore that. Mickey, enough.
- I'm just saying, if you follow her, you'll find him. - Mick...
Listen, she's up to no good.
I swear to God, Mick, if you don't stop interfering...
- I can't... You're all talking over one another. - Da, Da, Da...
- I can't make head nor... - She's literally with him right now.
- Lookit. - Da...
I have to go here.
I'll find Colin, with or without Pixie.
I'll let you know when I have something.
What a fucking day.
Got a girlfriend at the moment, Harland?
- It's, uh, complicated. - Complicated?
Sinead hasn't texted you in a month, man.
Her uncle's poorly.
Look, at school, I'll admit,
Frank did a little better than me with the ladies.
See, Harland was good, right?
The kind of guy you take home to your gran.
He lacked a little killer instinct.
- Look, will you just let me finish? - Here we go.
I've actually had a proper girlfriend on two occasions.
You always go on about that.
Just because my taste is a little bit more exotic.
Exotic? Yeah?
Yeah, you know, white sand beach,
olive skin, pi?a colada in hand.
Sean Paul over here.
Frank, if you were so keen on getting out,
why are you still living in the caravan park your father owns?
He gets 500 yards away from his pops, and he cacks it.
That's obviously a lie.
I've actually spent some time in Dublin, so...
To look at universities.
Look, Harland has many fantastic qualities.
I mean, he's loyal, he's dependable.
- Suspiciously close to his mother. - What?
He's my best mate. But you and I,
we see things a little differently.
We get it.
- Oh, we get it? - Yeah.
Do we?
Ah, I love this song. My mam used to sing it.
I have a recording of it at home.
- Was she good, your ma? - Yeah.
Well, the Wexford Bugle once described her as having
"the voice with the husk of Kim Carnes
and the tenderness of summer rain," so...
- What was it like? - What?
You know, last night.
Two 99s and one of those, please.
Oh, that.
It was, you know, pretty mental.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Shit.
Was she your sensei?
What the fuck's a sensei?
It's a martial art term. A master. A teacher, like.
- I can handle myself, thank you very much. - Oh, don't be so defensive.
All men need a sensei at one point or another, you know.
- Show them the tricks of the trade. - Well, who was yours?
Well, I haven't met mine yet.
Oh, that's a shame. You weirdo.
Apparently women have 8,000 sensitive nerve endings in their clitoris.
- Could that be true? - What are you lads talking about?
Nothing. Uh, sheep.
Sheep?
Yeah, Harland used to go to the sheep trials
with your dad, didn't you?
Yeah, Dad, um, he loved sheep.
"They're gorgeous creatures," he'd say.
Hmm.
It's true, you know.
It's round about the 8,000 mark.
Here's your Solero.
- Here. - Thanks.
Does he always take life so seriously?
Tends to. I do my best to lighten him up a bit.
I'm not saying it in a bad way.
I think it's quite endearing.
- Endearing? - Yeah, there's something sweet about him.
You guys want anything from the shop?
You want some company?
Sure.
Sweet?
- Beautiful day, isn't it? - Sure is.
- Do you mind if I... - Yes.
Thanks.
- Are you with your dad? - Uh, no, I'm waiting for my priest.
Father O'Shaughnessy.
Oh, right.
- There's no funny business going on? - I'm sorry?
You can tell me if there's any funny business.
Oh. No. He's... He's a good man.
Wouldn't you rather be out with your mates, playing football and chasing girls?
- It's a Saturday, you know. - I'm married to the Lord.
He gives me everything I need.
Everything?
Well, and tell me if I'm overstepping the mark here,
but... don't you wanna know what it's like?
Oh... Oh... "It."
Uh...
I watch videos, so...
Sorry.
Huh?
Huh? Eh?
- How are we getting on over there? - Just looking.
Can I help you with anything there, sweetheart?
You're so nice.
I want some tequila, but I can't seem to find the one I like.
Oh, yeah? And, uh, which one would that be, now?
All I can see here is a?ejo, and I usually drink reposado.
Reposado.
Did you know that it wasn't until the Spanish
invaded the Aztecs in the 16th century that tequila was actually invented?
I didn't know that, no.
Well, you see, the Spanish loved their brandy.
But their supplies began to run low,
forcing the tired and parched soldiers to improvise.
They started by distilling mud and agave,
which, although basic,
was how tequila was initially invented.
You've got brains too.
Do you know what they also invented during the Spanish invasion?
Huh?
- The 69. - Oh, Jesus.
I, um...
I thought that was the French.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Anyway, we'd best be out of your hair.
I can make an exception for you, darlin'.
I can look in the back.
- Can you keep the till hot for me? - Don't you worry about that.
You slimy old nut bag.
Is this really necessary?
- What the hell are you doing? - Where's your sense of fun? Quick, grab the tequila.
No, no, no! I'm not taking any part in this.
- Suit yourself. - Pixie!
Come on.
Frank! We gotta be moving!
- Now! - Just a second.
I'll leave you with this.
If God didn't want you and I eating pussy,
why did he go and make them look like a taco?
- Quickly, Frank. Jesus. - I'm coming!
Hey!
Come back!
What the hell's going on? Where'd you get that money?
Where do you think? This nut job robbed the place.
It just dawned on me that I was the only one not doing anything illegal,
meaning I was just sort of on the run.
I wanted to be really part of it, you know.
That cannot honestly be your logic.
And I wanted to stay in a fancy hotel,
have a steak dinner and drink tequila, that too.
- Aren't we about to make a ton of money? - I like to pay my own way.
You're just a little round the bend, aren't you?
I'd like to remind the two of youse that this isn't a bloody holiday.
I don't know about you, but selling a boatload of MDMA
to a gangster in Dingle, with a rotting corpse in the boot,
isn't exactly Paris in the fucking rain.
Listen here, old buddy, old pal.
I've been telling you for years I'm a wild man, all right?
I can't be caged.
The sooner you get your head round to that fact, the better.
I tell you what. There's no two people I'd rather be with,
travelling down the coast with a boatload of MDMA and a rotting corpse,
than the two of youse.
Beautifully put, Frank.
I give up.
So what's the game plan?
It's Daniel's uncle. We don't need no game plan.
Yeah, wait. Why? Do we need a game plan?
These things have a tendency not to be the most straightforward.
I thought we were thinking of this
as a friend of the family sort of thing, right?
Exactly. He's just a friend of the family
who's gonna help us out of our situation.
Don't be giving us the bad vibes.
We drop Daniel's name. He'll probably be expecting us.
We'll just be honest. All we're looking for is a fair deal.
We're not gonna hold anyone to ransom. It's a win-win.
See? Everybody's a bloody winner.
Jesus Christ.
Uh, we're looking for Mr Raymond Donnelly.
I know. And the ducks, they're so beautiful.
Yeah, I know what they're like.
Yeah, I know.
I know. And then it comes from underneath.
They had to pull them out with motorcycle chains.
Hang on, Jim. I got Harry, Ron and Hermione looking at me.
I'll have to call you back. Bye-bye. Who the fuck are you?
Daniel sent us. Your nephew. We're mates.
Oh. So, this is nice.
We've got a business proposition for you.
It's more of an opportunity. A business opportunity.
Marilou, some refreshment, maybe, for our young entrepreneurs.
Almond milk latte would be grand.
Oh, you got a sense of humour. I like that.
The fish out there, is that to, you know, to conceal the smell?
You should be on quiz shows or something.
So we got the comedian and the genius. What do you bring to the table?
Energy and a positive attitude.
Ah, lovely. What the fuck do you want?
We, uh, need your help with...
Not your help so much as we'd like to help you.
Us helping you help us.
Before nightfall, lads.
We've got enough MDMA to break the jaw
of any fella who comes through this town for the next 30 years.
Okay. Let's see it.
Marilou?
Mm.
That's 15 kilos there.
Is that all of it? I mean, is there more in the car?
- Is there any stashed somewhere? - Nope. That's all of it.
Not even a dab's worth left for later.
And, um,
what are you, uh, carrying, lads?
Carrying?
No. Uh, we wanted to be straight with you, Mr Donnelly.
No... No funny business.
- You're Daniel's uncle, after all. - Yeah.
Okay, so to be totally clear, you've come in with the bag of drugs,
and you guys just want 80 or 100 grand...
It actually has a street value of nearly a million.
Oh, does it? Does it?
I wonder what the street value of your head in a bag
with your dick in your mouth would be.
I'd say about ninepence.
I'm a drug dealer. I don't do handouts, okay?
Especially not to three kids who look like
they've just walked in off an afternoon special.
- But that's not fair. - Did that not sound kind of stupid in your head?
It does coming out of your mouth. Marilou, show them.
Welcome to unfair.
Let's be moving.
- Fuck! - Harland, do something!
- Madam, put the gun down, please. - Harland!
I'm so sorry.
- Fuck! - Ow!
- Oh, my wrist! - I'll drive.
Come on!
Keys, keys!
Well, Jesus, that went well.
Don't even start. Daniel it was your idea. I told you this was crazy.
That was a collective decision. Don't you be blaming me, Harland.
So, what do we do now?
I don't know. Here, pass me the tequila.
I say we get pissed, you know?
Really fucking pissed, and then just, you know, hope for the best.
Good plan.
Mm. Real crack team we've got here.
You are never driving my car again.
Ah, just pass me the tequila.
So this all comes back to you?
Is that why that fella was knocking on your door?
It's complicated.
You see, I had hatched a plan with the aid of this other fella, Fergus.
I got Fergus to dupe Colin,
the man currently disintegrating in the back of your Mercedes there,
into intercepting one of McGrath's drug deals.
Then Fergus was to dispose of Colin and come meet me at the airport.
You're like an evil mastermind.
I've got complex family issues.
So this Fergus fella, you didn't love him, then?
Well, truth is,
I feel terrible saying it, but what Fergus didn't know
was that I planned to take that flight to San Francisco
with the money but without him.
Jesus.
A little cold, don't you think?
Don't be going all soft.
I take it you're not the romantic type, then.
Yeah. Once.
He was called Gareth. Shy boy.
- He from Sligo? - Castlebar.
Uh, he's... He's McGrath's nephew, actually.
You fell in love with the deadly gangster priest's nephew?
I know, I know.
It was all very Romeo and Juliet.
What happened?
McGrath told him he could no longer see me,
and he listened to his head instead of his heart.
He was lovely but weak.
I... am gonna go for a swim.
- Excellent idea. - Oh, you must be mad. It'll be freezing.
All that gangster talk,
and you're afraid of a bit of cold water.
Oh, you think I'm gonna give in to a bit of schoolboy teasing?
Suit yourself.
All right, you morons, wait up.
Well, come on, then. I'm already freezing my nuts off.
She best not see our little fellas when we get out.
Come on!
I've got a question.
You have endless questions.
- Why did you sleep with him? - Oi!
Have you been telling little white lies, Frankie?
Honestly, I didn't say that.
Sounds to me like you did.
Showing off, was he? Playing Little Billy Big Bollocks?
It wasn't like that. I was just, you know...
Shut up. Both of you, sit on that bed.
Go on.
I wanna show you something.
- Thanks. - What?
First off, it's neither of yours business who I choose to sleep with, okay?
- I didn't mean it like that. - Yes, you did. And Frank...
I'm sorry. It was stupid.
Freud would have a field day with the two of you.
What?
See?
The two of youse are made for each other.
Sorry I'm late. Had to run a couple of errands on the way.
Seamus, you saved me!
Don't fucking move.
On the floor.
The lot of you!
- Look, we haven't done anything. - Shut up, you.
Here, Pix.
Put them on.
Put 'em on!
Where's Colin?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Pix, now, don't be messing me about. Where the fuck is Colin?
I promise. We broke up months ago. Did Mick send you?
Aye. Right.
Up. We're going for a drive.
Come on!
Do you want me to send you a fucking telegram?
Let's go!
Do you have to, you know, press it so hard against him?
Eyes forward, now, like a good boy.
All I'm saying is, your gun could be a couple of inches away.
Okay.
Look, if you just please listen!
We didn't mean to get involved.
Since you're friends of Pixie,
I'm affording you a quick death and a proper burial.
Don't push your luck,
'cause believe you me, you don't want things to turn unpleasant.
Fucking idiot.
We've got to tell him.
Just keep quiet.
Oh, we're digging our own graves, for fuck's sake.
Time isn't exactly on our side.
She's got a plan. I know it.
What, and you think it involves us?
- We lied to you. - Harland!
No, fuck it, Frank. This has gone on way too far.
Sir, he's in the boot of the car.
- I'm sorry? - He's in the boot.
- In the boot? - He's in the boot of the car.
- In the boot of this car here? - Yes, he's in the boot of that fucking car.
- Oh, that's a good one. - We're not pros, man.
We didn't know what the fuck we were doing.
He's in the boot of the fucking car.
Oh, that's good! That's a good one.
I'm still gonna have to kill youse.
Fuck! You fucking bastard!
You fucking bastard.
You didn't take his gun?
I thought he was dead. What was I supposed to do with it?
Quick, uncuff me.
Youse two finish the marvellous job you were doing digging those graves.
- But they're not dead. - We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, shall we?
In your own time.
Aren't you happy to see me?
What was that, angel?
- Whore. - Ah, that's sweet.
Went and messed everything up, didn't you?
I was gonna start a new life for myself in San Francisco
until you had to go and get all jealous over poor Fergus.
Not in the mood for chatting?
Okay, well,
I'm gonna tell you a little bedtime story.
How would you like that?
I'm gonna take you back four years.
It was a cold October day in our little home town.
It was the 18th, to be precise.
The 18th of October. A day I won't easily forget.
I'm going to visit my mam, who had stage-four cancer of the throat.
But I had just been told the good news that the chemicals
they had been pumping into her body were taking hold.
It looked like she was going to beat it, and I have to tell you,
I was feeling positively hopeful.
Hey.
So you can imagine my shock when I see a strange figure appear from her room.
Hey!
The first thing you hear is the sound.
Mam!
I know she'd have fought like hell.
Help! Help!
But she was weak.
She's not breathing.
No one believed me that she'd been suffocated.
They thought she'd just given up.
But I had the good sense to go back to the visitors' book.
That name, Jeremy Fisher,
haunted me for three years.
Want to know how you gave it away?
We were lying in bed, having just watched a movie.
I'm gonna tinkle.
Back in a sec.
If only you'd replaced the loo roll, you would've got away with it.
So I knew.
Still, I decided just to run away from all of it.
But you had to ruin that too.
One question:
Why?
He p... He paid me.
Who?
You know who.
I loved you.
Oh, baby. Oh, baby.
And I almost loved you too.
I think this one's gone.
Let's just bury the both of them.
What about him? He's still breathing.
Now let's get these fellas in the ground sharpish.
My instincts are telling me
we'd better be getting our skedaddle on.
Chip-chop.
Where are you going now?
I don't like burials much. I'll be back in two.
- You got him? - Yeah.
- Shit. - Oh, there's blood all over my T-shirt now.
Oh, Jesus.
Jesus. I don't like blood.
Hey, it's me.
Come on.
Let's get going.
Where to?
There's this church down near Clonakilty. Apparently, it's beautiful.
Shouldn't we be getting the hell out of here?
First off, I think we should all keep in mind that these sorts of adventures
are always more enjoyable with a positive attitude.
And secondly, we need to make some money
and get out of this mess so we can all run off
and play happy families wherever the wind shall take us.
My gust obviously being toward Sam Clam's Disco.
San Francisco.
Tell me if I'm jumping hurdles here,
but is your plan to try and sell the drugs
back to the gangsters who are missing them in the first place?
- You're catching on. - Are you out of your bloody mind?
It's the only way to make a clean break from all this malarkey, trust me.
She's got a point, you know.
I don't wanna spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder
every time I see a priest.
You know, I was just thinking.
You fellas were very nearly each other's last kiss.
Would've been sort of romantic, don't you think?
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
All good children go to heaven.
- Amen. - Gareth.
Let us pray.
Dear Lord, please watch over our souls
as we avenge the loss of our fallen brothers.
- And especially today... - Thank you, Gareth.
- Amen. - Amen.
Brevity is the elixir of life, young man.
Right. Sister Geraghty, Father Armstrong,
you come with me.
The rest of you form a perimeter round the church.
No one gets out before we do.
We know not what the day brings forth,
so may the Lord have mercy on our souls.
Amen.
Gareth, you'll keep watch.
No, but, Uncle, you said this morning that...
Thank you, Gareth.
These guns aren't gonna shoot themselves.
Well, well, well.
Playing little games, are we, now?
This is all very charming.
A little game never hurt no one, Father.
Oh, I'll play your game, child.
Place the cash on the altar.
I prefer to do my business face to face,
with the Lord as my witness.
That may be, but I'm the one offering the deal, aren't I?
I'll have to call in one of my men.
You do you, babe.
Bring in the money.
Bit of a cakewalk, all this gangster stuff.
The Lord sees all evil.
Show yourselves now!
Or in the name of the Father, we'll sniff you out
and bleed you slow.
Come out!
You fucking cowards!
Spread out!
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Ye of little faith. The cavalry is on its way.
The O'Briens. It's the fucking O'Briens!
Well, aren't you quite the troublemaker?
Why, thank you, Father.
Coming from you, that's a real compliment.
Saddle up, boys. We've got company.
Aren't you a bit old to be playing dress-up?
What in God's name are you doing here?
I'd be asking you the same question.
A young woman called me.
That little bitch!
I ought to put a bullet between your eyes!
Come on, Pix! Your game is up!
Mickey!
Your daughter, I presume.
- Yeah. - Oh!
You must have your hands full with those two.
She is quite something.
Yeah, that she is.
Are we really gonna do this?
Break the peace after all these years?
I don't know.
Part of me thinks we just walk out of here with the money and the drugs,
and you'll exterminate yourselves
back up in that shit-box town you call home anyway.
On the other hand, as we are in the presence of our Lord and saviour,
it might be fitting to just gut you all here and now.
Pixie, any time is good for me.
Sorry. You can't go in there.
Why not?
Well, if you listen closely, there's a shoot-out going on.
Ah. Right.
Why are you out here, then?
Can't participate in shoot-outs until you've completed your junior cert.
Makes sense.
- Smoke? - Yeah.
Time to slip away.
You ready to join your mother?
- Pixie! - Gareth!
Oh, no, no, no. No, no. Don't do anything stupid, now.
- We're family. - You hated her that much?
- I don't know what you're talking about. - I know you did it.
I know you got Colin to do it. Why?
You took my father away from me.
You ruined him. You made him weak.
The two of youse, with your whoring, manipulative ways.
No. Please.
Please don't. Please.
Oh, you're not worth the bullets.
Well, maybe one.
Pixie.
What's your favourite prayer?
Fuck, Da. Da. Boys, help.
Jesus. Sorry, Da.
Careful. Careful.
Let's have a look.
- It's just a flesh wound. - Yeah?
- It'll be fine. - Yeah?
You did good.
- Me mam would be proud of you. - You think?
Well, it's fair to say you bailed me out of a pretty sticky situation.
You're your mother's daughter, all right.
I love you, Da.
Da, are you okay?
I'll be okay. I'll be fine, I'll be fine.
Now, listen, you. You get out of here.
You look after yourself. Stay away from silly boys.
Pix, we gotta go.
- Summer, don't be poking at it. - Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Jesus. Don't... - Sorry.
Come on.
- I won't be a second. - Harland!
You fucking madman!
- Yes! - Jesus, Harland!
Maybe I'm a little wild too.
Come on, let's go.
Ooh-hoo!
Absolute cakewalk. What did I tell you?
This is the final call for Flight 162 to San Francisco.
Final call for Flight 162 to San Francisco.
So, this is it, boys.
Come on. Come here.
Safe flight.
My mam gave me this quote when she was really sick, like.
She said, "Whatever you choose,
however many roads you travel,
I hope that you choose not to be a lady.
I hope that you find some way to break the rules
and make a little trouble out there.
And I also hope that you choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women."
I think we can safely say that you, Pixie Hardy,
have caused enough trouble for a thousand women.
I was hoping for a million.
Trouble. Serious trouble.
- So where you wanna go? - I don't know.
Somewhere exotic.
I was thinking about uni, like. Maybe get my degree.
Back home?
Dublin? London?
Right. Okay.
Shall we take one more look at it?
Yeah.
- What? Where's the money? - You've gotta be kidding me.
Pixie! Pixie?
Pixie?
Are you serious?
Pixie!